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Archive for March 31st, 2011

Something awful happened last June. I was having some issues in my life that I felt I could not handle including some health and family issues plus the fact my eldest daughter had to be rushed to the ER one night that week and I could not be there for her… I am usually very strong and not shaken easily, but I needed help and I don’t ask for help easily either. I have faced so much in my life, but I became vulnerable and in my vulnerability something happened that I was not prepared for. I was attacked, not physical though I suffered physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have been trying to overcome this and hopefully I will regain what I have lost.

There was a person who wanted to engage in confrontation. I retreated trying to escape his wrath and anger but that wasn’t enough for him as he physically came after me until I passed out falling down steps and hitting my head. He went back into the room and closed the door leaving me on the floor. Someone found me and helped me. What if no one else had found me? I don’t know. I suffered health setbacks though I didn’t have a bleed but was confined to the downstairs level of the house for quite a while (no stairs). The headaches were horrendous so we had to watch and wait not knowing what was in store, if brain surgery was imminent, or if I would survive. It was a desperate time.

I first tried to recover from the physical pain and then deal with all of the problems that were going on before this terrible thing happened. Our family’s lives were forever changed that day and forgiveness is not forthcoming-it is difficult for me to forgive when he believes he did nothing wrong and believed he was further justified in his anger and rage. I will have to forgive him, but this is one of those processes of life. I have been making baby steps and doing better. After he was confronted about the incident by a member who witnessed the initial confrontation, he wrote me a letter. They expected for him to apologize and show compassion, but in it he did not voice concern about anyone in the family, offer help, or express any compassion. He particularly did not offer an apology either. It was just a continuation of that day. I could not believe this was happening! It did not seem real! And this person… let’s just say that he was a paid servant of the church-someone whose job it is to be speaker, leader, mentor, comforter, and spiritual leader. I hope with time I will regain what I have lost and become stronger for it. Right now, I am still dealing with getting better physically and emotionally. I guess the biggest question I have is how can someone treat another this way especially someone in the office he held? I have no answer. I seriously do not know.

What we do matters. How we treat others matters. I had put all my trust in this man and the job he held. He violated that trust. Sometimes the best thing to do is to apologize even when we feel that we are right. No matter what, he should have at least been comforting and compassionate in my time of need, but it was like he saw me at a time when I was most vulnerable and chose to attack. If we do not treat others well, we will not be treated well. There. I have said it-told one of the deep secrets I have been trying to deal with this last year.

Happy Gardening and may we treat others with care and compassion always.

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