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Archive for December, 2012

My baby

About 15 years ago

Today is my baby’s birthday. I am so ecstatic that she is now 21, a true adult by all of today’s standards. She is a bit timid and shy to an extent but so smart—extreme wisdom. I am a bit sad but this is her day, and I am so proud. If you read my blog much, you will see that I am so proud of my children. Some parents never get the chance to feel this moment, but they are heroines in my eyes. I know things aren’t going perfectly for them, but it is how they are dealing with the troubles that makes me proud. I could not have raised 2 more loving children. I give thanks for them each day.

 

Today, I am reminded of Hannah in the Bible who was without child and wanted a son so badly. I can identify with that. I couldn’t have children for a long time, but back in Hannah’s time, if a woman could not bear children she was almost worthless, maybe even worse than worthless. She became another mouth to feed and that’s not good.

 

Eli, the priest observed Hannah praying to the Lord asking to be blessed with a son. The passage of scripture says that Eli observed her praying in her heart, her lips moving, but the prayer was not heard. He accused her of drinking but Hannah explained her situation. Eli blessed her and the passage says that her face was no longer downcast.

 

Here is the prayer Hannah prayed:

Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.  1 Samuel 1:11 (NIV)

 

There is so much to this story, how she was looked down on by her husband’s other wife and how Hannah was favored by her husband. God heard her prayer and answered it accordingly. We don’t know why she was not able to bear children but her prayer tells of the selfless love she had. She was willing to give the child to God and did so. This is how Samuel came into the world. Imagine if this hadn’t taken place.

 

God has a plan. Sometimes we must go through the worst of times in order to enjoy the true jewels of life. My baby is a true jewel. I love her with all of my heart! Happy Birthday!!!! May you find true happiness in everything you do. I love you!

 

For everyone else… Happy Gardening in all of your many ventures! May you find peace and happiness always! 😀

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My baby is moving away—possibly for good—about 400 miles—not just down the road to Atlanta which is about 150 miles away. It breaks my heart to see her go—she is dropping out of school … sniff, sniff—but I want her away from here because I cannot protect her when she is close. She needs to feel safe—safe from her father and safe from his girlfriend and safe to live a life of her own. This way she will at least have some family even if it is her boyfriend’s family.

 

Her father’s family has not been in contact with her since she returned from her trip this summer. Thanksgiving was the telltale sign for all of us as I have tried to reach out to them even more this year but I guess they have made their choice as if choices should be made? She deleted them all from FB yesterday except for one cousin. I don’t know about anyone else but this is not what I call family though her grandmother prides herself in saying how much family means. It is not true to her unless you are willing to give her great grandchildren—babies—or in my husband’s case more grandchildren.

 

When I dropped my baby off for kindergarten many years ago, I cried all of the way home thinking of the future…to the day when she would leave the coup. I didn’t envision that she would feel threatened by anyone but most of all her family. I can’t tell you how much my heart aches for my daughters. No child—no matter their age—should feel this way. As parents (not just mothers) we are here to love and care, nurture for as long as it takes. We are to be their mainstay when they need us until they are out on their own completely and even then we should be there when they are in need—not as a crutch but for love and support so that they can do for themselves.

 

My baby’s birthday is this weekend. This is her time. It is a defining moment in her life. She will not be home to celebrate. In this respect, she has already grown up. No more baby—sniff, sniff. I hate it but this is my job here on earth—to teach and provide until they leave the nest.

 

She has already changed her phone number. Her father cannot get in touch with her even if he wanted. He didn’t contact my other daughter on her birthday so why should this be any different…? And, yet the girlfriend chided her for not being a part of her baby’s life—the sword cuts both ways.

 

I don’t want this for her but it is necessary. My goodness, how family can hurt! The last time I spoke with my m-in-law I asked why they didn’t keep in contact with us, at least in talking to the girls over the years. Her answer, “We didn’t know how you all felt about us.” It doesn’t matter how someone feels about another. If you are family…reach out, period. The girls have needed emotional support these past many months that they didn’t get. I will not encourage them to have a relationship any more. It is not my place anymore. I am hurt that my daughters’ innocence was taken away. I have said this before. My father died when I was 21. He was my biggest fan and protected me, prayed for me, etc. The pain of his loss still effects me now but this pain I have felt for all of these years is nothing compared to what my girls have been feeling these last 10 months tomorrow. I have done the very best that I can do. I love my girls! I want you both to be free and never ever worry again about being hurt from family.

 

  • Written by a mother who would do anything for her daughters even give up everything for them including her life. A mother’s love can be vast and selfless. I hope my life has been a testament to this.

 

May your gardens grow rich and beautiful and may all of your children have nothing but admiration for you! Happy Gardening! 😀

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