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Archive for January 9th, 2013

In 1970, when I was about 10 years old, I began to have seizures because I was not getting enough oxygen to my brain. The blood flows so quickly through the AVM that I do not receive enough O2 and that is why I must take a prescription called phenytoin—Dilantin for the brand name. It is a sodium based compound that dilates my blood vessels allowing even more blood to flow—very high pressure through the arteries and veins in the left side of my brain. I have talked about this before.

 

Last year, I had an angiogram to see if there was a chance that anything could be done to repair, remove, or kill off the AVM because it has been growing. The surgeon along with others believe the AVM should be left alone–that if anything is done I would be left paralyzed or dead because this nasty little bugger is located in the motor sensory part of my brain—the surgeon calls it the motor strip. The AVM is large. I used to have a problem talking about this with people–not so much now, but as dramatic as this all sounds, I live by the grace of God and have peace with that. It seems others do not. As good friends that I have and I am so thankful for each one, some believe that I just need to find the right doctor or increase my faith so that I might be healed. I put my faith in the Lord. I am about to be 53 next month 🙂 . I know who gives me life and I do not pity myself or my situation. I am thankful and am so appreciative of each day because I know each one is a true gift.

 

Yep, this is my brain :)

Yep, this is my brain 🙂
My apologies…

I write today because a good friend has recently discovered someone with an AVM and she believes it is just like mine and that I should see this doctor out west so that I can be “cured.” She has good intentions but she does not understand. I do not need to be whole—not physically. I want to tell this to this friend and have tried but I risk hurting her feelings. I fully believe that I do not need to be healed as in made like everyone else. We all have our imperfections. My life is my witness and I have talked about the miracles that I have experienced along the way. I cannot ask for anything more than what I already have.

 

I love this lady dearly but people sometimes want everything to fit perfectly in a neat little box, round hole, or definitive classification. Sometimes—many times—God calls us to trust Him and walk on faith. After all that has happened last year…that is the only way I can do—walk on faith. If you have imperfections, please come to peace with them and with God. He can heal and will do so and miracles happen every day but God doesn’t heal everyone completely and honestly, I am so very happy He doesn’t—not me! Please understand what this means. I need my imperfections and others need to see them, too. SMILES 😀 

 

May God be glorified in everything and may your gardens grow beautifully producing plenty of bounty! 😀

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