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I started this blog in June 2010. Since that time, we have gone in all directions. It has been an outlet for me but was also a learning medium, too. If anyone else learned anything, more bang for the buck I say. Oh, you say you feel a change of the wind as the phrase was used in Mary Poppins? You would be correct. I have flourished and floundered finding myself – where I fit in, where I am going, what was real and what isn’t. As time went along, I examined from where I came. Carrots—more like jewels—have dangled in front of me but the one that keeps coming back for so very long has to do with death and dying. I’m ok….really! 😀
Being Called God calls us to do various things, some are big, some not so big. We accept or we don’t. I didn’t understand what all of the turmoil was about a couple of years ago when my world was rocked. A few of my minister friends said that there must be something coming—something big. They meant that I was being sifted. I’m no saint (sifting of saints). I’m very miniscule in the scheme of life so I wondered what it might be. Sifting is a lot like what I tend to do when cleaning—take out everything, clean, polish, mend and put back what I want to keep. Then, throw the rest away. Sifting is getting rid of the impure, not needed, etc. Along with that sifting came a lot of trials. It isn’t over…
Some years ago, I was called to help find ways to reach the shut-ins…called by God and the church. Members of my church family and I came together to reach out to those in need. I accepted that call. I didn’t want to be the leader for us but I did and we did great things. Then my world started to crumble. Evil was at work in my church and in my family—my minister, my husband,… I don’t know why but when one steps out of the bounds of marriage and willingly hurts the one he is supposed to love, that is so wrong and that happened with my minister and with my husband. I have wrestled with this and it has taken my eyes off my calling. People have needed what I have to offer and I missed those opportunities.
For the past several months I sought out what I was supposed to do. Was a new calling in the works? Nothing has really changed I find except the degree to which I am to get involved. I don’t have a magic wand, a Barney bag, or tricks up my sleeve. I have been being drawn to those who are suffering and dying. I didn’t want to accept that as a calling. I have had to deal with death all of my life. I detail a lot of that lately in my blog. I still don’t know what I can do for income or if I can hold a job due to my physical issues which are getting a bit worse.
This is my calling … to give life to the dying … to help them live again and want to live up until it is time to leave this world—to have hope. That sounds crazy. I know. But, have you ever watched someone die? Really watched? I have – too many times. Too often there is little joy in their lives because of pain, loneliness, all kinds of issues. I want to put myself out there to help them. In reality, it is no more than what a hospice volunteer would do but I want to touch peoples’ lives. I want to let them see through my eyes. I want to give them hope for another day … and for the unknown. A shoulder, an ear, a hand to hold… And, I want to help families embrace the transition of death.
Friends didn’t want me to pursue this avenue for fear that it will be too much for me to handle but I have been preparing for this all of my life. I have experience. 😀 Maybe I should say God has been preparing me all of my life.
God told me to feed His sheep and when I asked what He meant, He said to follow my heart, that I would know—that my heart would show me. I have been trying to figure out exactly what He meant ever since and in that time I have grown tremendously. I was broken in the worst way. I am not completely healed but I know what was missing and that was my purpose–my purpose in life. I have a ways to go and I don’t know if I can handle death again. If this is a true calling, I will be fine.
I accepted my call yesterday–I committed to God. I don’t know where I will go or what I will do or how I will live but I accepted with open arms. So, the change of the wind is coming. The more time I spend preparing and working, the less time I have to spend on my blog. I don’t want to lose this connection, the people I have met, there is so much… I pray that I will be able to do both. So now you know. I still need a mate 🙂 but I have a feeling God will take care of that–in time. 😀
Happy Gardening in all that you do! 😀
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