Archive for February 18th, 2014

I don’t blog as much as I used to. I want to. I feel torn. I have things I am trying to do in my life but I keep hitting roadblocks–lots of them. Blogging is what keeps me focused. Last year when I felt like I knew where I was going–that was the most satisfying I have felt in so long. Now, I’m not so sure where I am headed. This is my main blog and I still post some prayers at My Letter to God. The other two on wordpress are hidden for now until I decide what to do with them.


Protect Your Heart

When you have an itch, you want to scratch it. I have had many itches lately and several things have fallen through in my life. I was upbeat before–it comes and goes. As long as things are going ok, I am ok but once I start hitting rough patches, I want to climb in a shell, close the door and hide. It took several years to get less shy (I don’t know if you ever overcome shyness completely) but I did my best, I married and raised two girls and when my husband left, it took a while to climb out of the pool (I keep falling in 😉 ).

I have withdrawn again–I hate it. I don’t feel worthy most of the time, I choke when I shouldn’t. I’m not dead. I still have thoughts and feelings. I still have a heart of gold and am loyal to a fault–loyal to my children, my beliefs, my friends, and the man I have yet to meet, I guess. I won’t accept a life alone and I won’t settle. God has to do whatever in that realm. That’s not where I excel but I’m not sure where I excel anymore.

God has always been in my life. God can be many things to many people but God is my strength. There is not a day that goes by that I do not pray and have meditation with God–I think people would be surprised sometimes. It isn’t always what I desire it to be but I really believe I would not be here if I didn’t take time out for Him, us, me, all of us. 🙂


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