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Archive for March 22nd, 2015

I am concerned of how we treat others—now—today. People judge me on this and I don’t understand. I think we should love others and yet people I know who I have called friends for so long think differently. I had to say goodbye to someone last week. It wasn’t my choice—it was theirs. It is for the best in some ways but it is not what I wanted.

 

If you back me in a corner and make me choose—I will choose respect and freedom of choice because without those we are not able to enjoy those rights and freedoms we hold so dear. If you tell me I must choose something over my children, guess what choice I will make. I don’t understand why people make me choose either my children or them. It is not a choice. My children are a given in my view. If you tell me I must stand on one side or the other, I choose me and my view which is usually not what everyone else chooses and if you really push, I will choose the person who has no voice.

 

Last Thursday I wrote a really good post about marriage in the 1960s. Either people didn’t like it or they didn’t read it. It was informative and something we should all learn about. I believe in love…different types but love that is selfless is what this world needs and guess where it starts…It starts with us!

 

As for me…No one gets to decide for me until I cannot decide for me. No one can judge me. No one gets to categorize me. No one can make me fit into a round hole or square space. I do not fit in the usual mold and after 55 years, I don’t think I am changing. I was told the other day to write more about what bothers me…hmmmm… 🙂 I will be writing for a long time it seems and just today someone told me that my father was the devil…

 

Last week I got into a conversation about being a Christian. I was told I wasn’t because I subscribe to beliefs ‘they’ feel are unchristian. Well, no one gets to decide if I am Christian enough. No one gets to judge that for anyone. If you believe you have that power, I’m sorry. I have wanted to fit in all of my life … I would love to fit in and be accepted but that probably will not happen. I am sure there are others who feel the same way so they either disregard what others say or feel like a misfit. Please do not let others dictate to you how you should feel. I have been dodging those bullets for the past few years. Some of them hurt and some leave scars that never completely heal.

 

Things stick with me sometimes…things people say. The friend who told me that I wasn’t healed…I felt like she was saying that I wasn’t good enough and in reality she was really saying that—she doesn’t respect where I am in my life. I have a problem with people thinking this way but I cannot do anything about how she feels or the way other people think I should feel. Way back when I gave some details in my blog about being separated and someone said that I should not badmouth my daughters’ father to them when in fact I didn’t have to because he was doing that all by himself. In truth, the person was speaking from experience because she felt her mother did that about her dad. That hurt me because I tried to explain the situation.

 

Other people have told me to “just get over it” referring to divorce issues, rape problems, health and financial things, etc. I found this type of tone very disheartening since they did not know what I was going through…all of the phone calls, the voicemails and messages, being stalked…all of the things I was doing to ensure my children and I were safe…the nights I stayed up because my phone was going off every time I fell asleep and there was no one there when I answered—yes, I found out who it was. I appreciate the concern from people who really care. I don’t know what I would have done without caring people.

 

I have had a heck of a road. I didn’t ask for a lot of what I have had to deal with but I also didn’t expect to be hit when I’m down either. I hope someone will be able to take something away from my blog that helps them somewhere along the way. I hope there is strength to be found to stand up for what is right or protect another until help arrives.

 

I started a journey some years ago in search of what God called love. I wanted to make things right in my family’s lives but I didn’t realize how awful the lies were that were told or how bad the person I trusted could act. I have given everything but just like the rough granule that becomes a pearl with layers and layers of calcium carbonate so has the hurt and pain made a place of empathy in my life so that I can see others in a clear light—to see love. 🙂

 

People will continue to judge me and they have no right. People will continue to tell me that I am of the devil and I will go to hell. I had a guy recite scripture for probably an hour to me today of how I was lost and didn’t know what I was talking about…that I needed to read the Bible and learn something…he saw it as his duty to save my soul because I was bringing damnation to myself. I tried to explain that I was in no danger because I’m not. I wish I could say that I said something to help him see love and forgiveness rather than showering others with the wrath of God but probably not since he thought he was being martyred. I have often spoken in Bible study of how people become self-martyrs. It can be a dangerous predicament to get into.

 

As I come to the end of my post I can only ask that you look within yourself and do what you can for others.

 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—treat others with respect and empathy—care for them—reach out…

It is up to you now… How do you answer the call? 🙂

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