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Society is messed up. Rather than giving respect to each other, we sexualize individuals–men cat call women as they walk by and it is supposed to be ok. Married men ogle women (other than their wife) and think thoughts they shouldn’t but excuse it because they say it is natural. They think it is ok as long as they don’t act on those thoughts.

 

Guess what—it’s not ok. And, you know why, because we have been giving a pass and excusing that behavior for far too long. We accept it because we think men are different but they aren’t different—not that much anyway. Women have the same thoughts and desires that men do but we are taught to control our desires.

 

I don’t mean to overgeneralize but society is suffering and we are paying a high price. Why do you think there is so much divorce? I have had to explain what love is more times that I care to think about in the past few months so somewhere the message isn’t getting out. Too many men (sorry, those are the individuals I talk to the most) are after gratification of self and not interested in pleasing their partner first if at all. When I mention that they should desire to give and please the other, it is like a foreign language to them. We are flunking when teaching how to love in relationships.

 

Many people are not interested in a relationship. They would rather hook-up for a one-night stand and have no responsibilities and continue this type of hook-up. Don’t blame any one group because we are all to blame. Repressing sexual feelings isn’t the way to go either. We need to learn self-discipline and respect. I don’t want us to control morality per se but I wish people would quit being so selfish.

 

Love is something more than a sexual feeling. It is more than a fleeting moment. Someone told me this week that he had a girlfriend and that when she gained weight, he didn’t love her anymore. (eye roll) I told him that he didn’t love her to begin with if he didn’t love her after she gained the weight because looks do not define love. Again, it was as if I were speaking in another language with what seems to me as common sense.

 

There was a couple in the 1960s who loved each other and wanted to marry but they couldn’t because they were not of the same race. In Virginia, it wasn’t done—there was a law. They challenged the courts and won. I wrote about this earlier this year. (link)

 

Mixed race isn’t anything these days to most people but as luck would have it a woman on FB made a comment this week about interracial marriage—that it was wrong because in the Bible it says to keep the races pure—that is what she said. I kid you not. She really believes this but she also hates many groups of people…actually she hates everyone who is different from her. She doesn’t hide it.

 

Well, we are all going to hell if you believe this because we have been mixing races since the beginning of time… I no more believe this poppycock than believing I will have 4 wisdom teeth to show up this year—and I only had 2 to start with.

 

She believes in the Bible and she peddles her thoughts freely on FB. What can I say? She thinks that the children of a certain couple that consisted of a white man and black woman will be of a race God didn’t intend to exist. I hang my head in shame.

 

Race has no difference. We are not a different species…we are all humans. The differences we see come from the type of melanin in the pigment of skin. Science is showing us that we all originated on the African continent. I don’t want to be the one to tell this lady that but she wouldn’t believe me anyway. She denies so much. It isn’t good to hide your head in the sand.

 

All of this isn’t about one person and her views. Her argument was the same argument given in the lower courts for the Loving case that the US Supreme Court overturned in 1967. The judge said that God put races on different continents for a reason and they were to never mix. This is being taught in some churches today. This isn’t someone coming up with this on their own. I even heard it when I was growing up—some of the older people would say it—not in my family but older people in the community. This is a problem just like people not understanding what love is. These are societal problems. They are things that we can help improve.

 

We preoccupy ourselves with drama from other things in life but we don’t address the real problems. Why don’t people love others without condition? Why don’t we put our children first? Why don’t we care about one another?

 

These are the simple things I care about. Life is not complicated when you look at it through the eyes of love. Simple… We need to work on society.

 

Please get involved. Show what you are made of. Don’t hate and don’t judge. Just love others.

 

Happy Friday! 🙂

 

 

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Words are used for many things but mostly we converse with words. Sometimes we use words for good but words are also used to hurt. It is unfortunate that we do such.

 

If I were to call you a liberal, would that offend you? What if I were to use the words…conservative, moderate, right-wing, evangelical? What about left-wing, spineless, weak, idiot? Well, what about feminist? 🙂 Why does anyone want to label another? I haven’t a clue actually other than to make someone feel inferior.

 

Today, I had the opportunity to give an account of some things that have happened in my life. It wasn’t planned. I don’t like to be called names. I think it devalues a person’s worth. Some people call me a feminist. Well, I guess I am to the extent that I advocate for women but I don’t see myself as one. I do have an advantage in that respect…I am a woman, lol. 😀

 

Story…Let’s say you have been raped and you tell someone but they don’t believe you. You tell someone else and they don’t believe you either. They say you are making it up…that you desire attention and just want to get someone in trouble. They ask for proof. You have none. They say, “No proof…then it didn’t happen.” Now, let’s say this event happened over 20 years ago. 

 

  • Does time erase the crime? Nope.
  • Does time make it so that it doesn’t exist? Nope.
  • People say that surely you are over it, right? You never get over something like that.
  • And, why wouldn’t you come forth when it happened? It doesn’t matter what your reason is.

 

For those of you who have never experienced rape, let me just say that for me, I felt devalued. I felt dirty, ashamed. I was told it was my fault by my attacker. Again, I know it wasn’t but rape doesn’t make sense. It is a power play and a control issue.

 

A certain writer did a piece about rape and the comments began. I could not believe the number of people (men) who judged the person that was being discussed saying that her story wasn’t credible. I found it credible but then again I have had weird things happen to me. The commenters made it sound like rape was nothing and that a man who has been falsely accused has a worse time than a woman who has been raped. I am not going to argue that false allegations do not happen. False allegations hurt everyone and I even said such but the words that came back…well, they cut like a knife. They were hurtful. The people were not interested in furthering the discussion or finding a solution or making the problem better. They just wanted to show their power. Gag me. Yuck.

 

Some guy told me that we should arm women on campus to stop rape—I rolled my eyes and asked if he really thought arming everyone was the answer. Another person mentioned the Duke Lacrosse allegations and how that played out. Another belittled me and told me I shouldn’t write on the subject after he decried several instances of blaming women, said some nasty things and then called me name (eye roll).

 

In the end, the writer thanked me for my thoughtful contributions. The person knew it was a bit rough for me. One of my comments was featured with the article which means a lot to me. I was advocating for respect of all people and to discuss and not tear at each other. Oh, btw, the writer is a man. 😉

 

Sometimes it takes courage to speak up for the injustices in the world but it also takes wisdom to know how to control one’s feelings and not lash out so that people will understand the true message. Something I didn’t consider at the time was the people who read the comments and don’t say anything…those who have suffered and cannot speak out. The writer brought that up when we talked and that is why I blog and work so hard in making my views known because deep down I know I’m not alone in what I have experienced nor in what I believe. We need to remember to extend a hand and show love and compassion and for goodness sakes, quit calling people names.

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

 

 

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This is a personal plea from my heart about our youth. I encountered something that no child or young adult should ever have to face but I know it is happening in social media around the world. Children and young adults are very impressionable…they are trying to find their way, their identity, where they fit in. Most of us go through this type of quest to some extent. We question life and our purpose. We want value—we need it. There have been many killings in America over the years…but look at what is happening now all across the globe—large numbers of people with ideological philosophies that are a tad different than mainstream are acting out–killing others. Sometimes it is radical religious beliefs that pose such a problem. Sometimes it is subtle—sometimes not.

 

I’m sure you have seen the news where young girls (and some young guys) have left the US to join forces, so to speak, with those who call themselves something like ISIS. Before I go any further, the Muslims I know are not of this type. They are peaceful. They want to live in this world with others. They desire harmony. The ones I know don’t push their beliefs on others. They are respectable people wanting respect in return. The ones I speak of are not radicals. They want what all of us want…well, unless you want war against everyone because others believe differently—it is a two-way street you know. 🙂 

 

Let me break here and say after 9/11, America changed…the world changed…but peace should always be what we strive for. People will always want to accelerate things into hate and war but peace is something…the only thing that we should all hold dear even if we never agree about anything else. We have whackos on TV and online who have gone absolutely bananas about things. There are people who are spouting crazy stuff all in the name of God. There are people who criticize the president of the United States when he mentioned the Crusades but do you really know what the Crusades were about? You can say that they were peaceful and knights were needed for protection for people making their pilgrimage to Jerusalem but you would be wrong just like there are those who say that the US Civil War was nothing but about states’ rights and not about slavery. Don’t deceive yourself. Don’t look at things from only one angle.

 

Families are being torn apart by this aggression and this is not an “us versus them” type of thing. There was a young girl from a neighboring state who left her family telling them she was going to Atlanta for something but in reality, she was leaving the states to join a radical band of individuals overseas. She got involved with the wrong people. Her family are now suffering from a barrage of hate speech (and other things) while attempting to come to grips with losing a daughter though she is still alive. Can you imagine going through such grief…everything seems fine one minute and then your world has turned to hell in another?

 

People question how this is happening. I can tell you how with an example. These young people are involved with social media and think nothing of friending people from around the world. It happens when we find others that share similar tastes and interests. All in all, it’s not bad…well until you are contacted by someone who wants you to be sympathetic to their “cause.” I have been contacted by one such individual. The person left me a message on FB. 

 

I didn’t think twice about it at first. I didn’t respond and then I checked his page out. Not good. I was shocked! I never in a million years would think that this was the real deal. I never considered myself to be a target to join such a group but it is real. This type of thing is happening through things such as FB and twitter to name two but there are other forms of social media being used. 

 

Unsuspecting people who use the internet are being preyed upon, vetted and groomed to join these radicals in their fight. Right now, it is radical religious fundamentalism in Syria and such places. This is real—as real as it gets. This is not a dream or something that happens far away. This is happening here and now. We cannot become paranoid or overly defensive but we must arm ourselves with awareness–our best armor in any good defense.

 

I am more angry than anything. If this happens to me (of all people), you can bet it is happening to more people. You cannot follow blindly. You must be aware of what is around you. In self-defense, awareness is one of the first things you are taught. You don’t put yourself in danger and you protect those you love.

 

The story about the young girl is a very sad one. Parents have invested so much in their children—love, time, money. The dad in this case came to the states to avoid what was happening in his country now. He wanted a better life for his family and now he has lost a daughter and many in the country he sought as a refuge (US) have turned against him saying he is to blame. Senseless hate—not that hate ever makes any sense.

 

Get involved with those who you love. Make them feel wanted and appreciated. And, remember not to judge others. 🙂 Don’t hate and don’t separate.

Happy Gardening! 🙂

 

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You have heard the saying, “Guns don’t kill…people do.” Well, it is true. You need someone to squeeze the trigger. A gun does not think. A gun does not stop someone from firing it unless WE lock it up. Good safety practices can keep people alive but people become complacent about gun safety. I wonder how many people who own a gun can actually fire the gun proficiently. 🙂

 

Being proficient means…being capable and skilled. We give tests to people who want to drive a vehicle—we do not just give a license. We expect the person to be capable and skilled before he/she gets a permit. We do not hand over our keys of our automobile to our 15-year old son or daughter without instructions and practice. If we do, we are crazy. I digress…

 

So, why don’t we educate and train people on the safety of guns and teach them to be proficient before we give them a license? Here, in this state, a person is required to take a course before one can obtain a hunting license. As far as I know, you do not have to be proficient at shooting and the course was given online but I have not checked lately if this has changed. The course was basically about hunting and gun safety.

 

To purchase a gun, nothing is required except background checks or that is the way it used to be. Why is this? Would you give a child of five years of age a loaded handgun? I wouldn’t!

 

Why have we not required people to be proficient before permitting them to have a gun? It does not interfere with what the second amendment says. I’m sure someone will argue against me on that but back when the amendment was written, civilians were expected to have guns to help ensure safety. You had a gun back then a lot like we have phones today. Back then, if you want something to eat…many times, you had to kill it first. Today, we have so many people with guns that we need to be protected from those with guns.

 

There were two people murdered in the past week in a town where my grandmother was living before she moved here. The last person was 18 and someone made light of the fact that she didn’t have a gun to protect herself from the home invasion. I said that teenagers shouldn’t need a gun for protection. Someone else said that maybe a gun would have saved her life. Are we listening to ourselves? Putting guns in the hands of more people is not the answer. Guns are not the answer.

 

I’m not infringing on anyone’s rights. I’m advocating standards of living. We–I have the right to not be shot or killed by a gun. People are going crazy trying to buy more guns because they believe the government wants to remove those rights and remove their guns. I want to remove the fear people have. People need to be protected. We need to not fear. Fear becomes the monster and fear feeds more fear. We are doing this to ourselves. When do we wake up?

 

Just some thoughts I had… Have a great day! 🙂

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I wish I could believe that. You will have to admit that the real reason for marriage is usually love. Some people get married because they feel pressured into it or to avoid shame but when you get down to it, the real reason people get married is because they believe they love each other. I say ‘believe’ because there is a difference with real selfless love and infatuation. 

 

Not everyone has been free to marry whomever they want. Back in the darkest times of history of our country, back when the US believed it was OK to own slaves, slaves were restricted what they could and could not do. If they were able to get married–some were, there was nothing that would guarantee the family would stay together or remain close by. Can you imagine being in that type of situation? It is terrible to think in a moment’s notice your life partner could be sold and moved away. There is a lot of our history that is unfathomable but like it or not, people had to live with it. I hope we are becoming a better people, a better nation but I’m not so sure.

 

Oppressed people have fought hard to have rights–to be treated like others. Others who have supported them have fought, too, but even after they gained notice with rights and protections through the courts, they were discriminated against. It is the same for all types of oppression. Do you know when interracial couples could marry–legally marry? Hmmmm…well, here is a story about that…

 

Many states had laws forbidding the marriage of a couple from different races. The state of Virginia had one such law, specifically against “colored” and white unions. In 1958, a white man wanted to marry a black lady but since they could not marry in the state, they went to Washington, DC to marry and returned to Virginia to live. They were arrested and charged. They plead guilty and were sentenced to serve a year in jail but the sentence was suspended if they would leave the state and not return together for 25 years. Well, that isn’t the end of the story.

 

  • When I was growing up, I remember seeing couples who were interracial—not just a mixture of black and white but other races, too. I didn’t understand what the big deal was but I also didn’t understand how anyone could have enough courage to date someone of another race when there were so many people speaking out against it. Years later, I asked my mom what would she say if I dated a black guy–I wanted to know what her thoughts were. She said that it was up to me whom I dated and whom I married but to consider what situations and problems my kids would have growing up. She wanted me to think of my children before myself. I admire her for that and she always told me to never date anyone I didn’t want to be the father of my children…good advice

 

Back to the courts of the 1960s… The Lovings’ judge (don’t you just love the name) in Virginia ruled that since God had made people of different races and colors and that he had put them on different continents then they should honor God and not marry (head—desk; head–desk). The Lovings moved to the District of Columbia to abide by the law. Sad, isn’t it? If you think no, then maybe you need to check your empathy gene. 😉

 

In 1963, they filed a motion to vacate their sentence/judgment on the basis of the 14th amendment…there is more to all of this [you can read about the case here (link)]. The case was eventually decided by the Supreme Court on 12 JUN 1967. It is called Loving vs Virginia, 1967. I wish this was the end of the story but it isn’t.

 

Alabama would not honor interracial marriage licenses even after this case was decided? Usually, when the Supreme Court rules in such cases, all lower courts will honor the decision because SCOTUS takes precedence…they are the law of the land—federal courts—but in Alabama’s situation, the state has repeatedly attempted to fight the federal courts even the Supreme Court on more than one occasion (one incident was Gov. Wallace). Their reasoning??? States’ rights of course–what else? As my daughter so aptly puts it, “Mom, the south lost the war.” Yeah. She knows that. I know that and I hope you know that, too. 🙂 It’s not about states’ rights as much as it is about civil rights and protection of the law.

 

To let you know how unfair things have been in Alabama (in case you don’t know) interracial marriage was not recognized until 1970, three years after Loving vs Virginia and even worse is the fact the state constitution was not amended to allow interracial marriage until 2000 where 60% of voters voted to remove the language. Are you reading between the lines of my writing? That means that roughly 40% of the people who voted wanted to keep interracial marriage illegal or that they didn’t want to change things. There are many people who still believe it is wrong to allow interracial marriage even today. We have not moved very far from the times of slavery and segregation. There is so much racism but it is usually hushed up–well, sometimes. What is in one’s heart is what really matters. If you separate and divide, you will not love fully.

 

People still believe there are those who are superior making those who are not—inferior. That isn’t ok with me. I was almost joking when I mentioned the empathy gene but in reality, we all need to take a good look in the mirror and see where we can improve ourselves. If you think your brother or sister (people you know–people you do not know) are below you in status, I encourage you to do some real soul searching because they are not lower than you. In fact, if you think you are superior, more than likely you are not. 

 

Happy Gardening in all that you do… 🙂

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Several years ago there was a hearing for the public to weigh in on the proposed building of a church in Alabama. It was to be built along the edge of a community and there was talk that this would be a good thing but people spoke out against it.. many came and said they didn’t want it. As each person voiced their opposition, the attendees cheered. A church? Opposition? Who could oppose a church?

 

Imagine a church being shunned by the community. Even the city council was against them. Some said it would cause problems with traffic. When that didn’t seem to satisfy the people wanting a place of worship the public said they would prefer to have a more commercial use of the land. Are you kidding? Everyone seemed against building this church. Who would dare? Every qualification was met but still the council voted 7-2 against it.

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What do you feel? Is it upsetting to know that people would oppose the building of a place of worship?

 

Well, you know me. This wasn’t some satanic church nor was it another Christian church. It was an Islamic center. There weren’t 10 or 20 in town. To my knowledge, they did everything that was asked of them—met all the requirements so people had to get creative to oppose the church-center.

 

As long as we think that the church is a Baptist, Methodist, or Catholic Church everything is good. The people who are opposed are the “enemy” but as soon as we know it is an Islamic ‘church’ we blend in with the opposition and the “enemy” becomes the congregants.

 

I used to be like that.. well maybe not this bad but I used to feel uneasy but then I realized I have no more rights than anyone else. When we think we are the chosen ones–which in turn makes others not chosen–then we have built a wall between our brothers and sisters.

 

There is a verse from the Bible that comes to mind. It goes something like this… Whatever you did to the least of my brethren, you did to me.

 

Treat others as you would like to be treated and not as you ARE treated. Have a great Saturday! 🙂

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Over the past several years I have written quite a bit about love. This is the week of love…usually the romantic kind given that Valentine’s Day is almost here.

LOVE

 

It’s the first time that I feel free to be me without any ties to anyone. No one has a claim to me. My divorce isn’t finalized but I have moved on and am ok…except there isn’t anyone to open wine bottles (jokingly). I guess I don’t miss cleaning up after a man and making sure his laundry is done, meals are prepared, his bills are paid, and millions of other things. I rejoice in this freedom. I still want a partner—a lover if you will—but I’m not going to shrink and blow away if it doesn’t happen. But that’s me. I’m still interested in the opposite sex but I don’t like to be treated badly and I keep choosing guys who use me and abuse me. I suck in that department. I should have gone for an arranged marriage 😀 (just kidding).

 

  • Warning…I am going to lose some readers today and that is ok…not really but I can deal with it. The Christian Bible says quite a few things but the one thing Christians believe or should believe is what Jesus taught and that is to love.

 

Back to loving someone. Do we know what love is? Have you ever been in love—not sexual infatuation but love that will stand the test of time? If you find that person and love them and they love you, wouldn’t you want to be married? Don’t you want that for your children and grandchildren? Don’t you want them to be happy? I sure do. I want my children to be as happy as they can be and if they came to me and said they are in love with someone…and want to marry…I will give them my blessing and wish them the best no matter who they are. It can be someone who is the same nationality or another race…or of another faith. It is their life and choosing marriage means that they are willing to enter into a commitment with that other person and vice versa. And, I will do this even if it is a same sex individual…

 

Let me make that clear…if one (or both) of my children comes to me and says that they want to marry someone of the same sex, I will accept it and rejoice.

 

  • Have I lost my mind? No.
  • Does this go against my beliefs? No.
  • Does it go against the Christian Bible? Well, that’s where you need to read and pray and do quite a bit of real soul searching.

 

I used to believe that it was a sin to be gay…that was the way I was raised but did you know it is a sin to lie, murder, steal, cheat, and do so many things? So…if marriage is the sacrament of love…and Jesus endorsed marriage or that’s the way Christians look at it and that it is the union where two people pledge their hearts to each other and their lives to each other as the covenant with God and his love, don’t you think God would want people–no matter their racial or religious orientation or even their sexual orientation–to enter into a covenant with the person they love and with him? I do. 🙂

 

Think about it for a minute. I have just read comment after comment where people professing their belief in God saying that Alabama should deny same sex marriage… That in itself is one thing but I have read some awful and very hateful comments so bad that I have cried. It hurts dang it! ..to hear what people say about others… I can’t help but think what we do to others when we say things like that…why are we so dang mean? If you are a Christian, think about how you treat others. Is it loving in a way that Jesus loved or is it mean-spirited and hateful? I personally think that if Jesus were alive today, we would be very surprised–I really do. We are to love with no reservations. You cannot say I love so-and-so but I can’t love so-and-so because he or she is ‘gay.’ We cannot love others while dividing them and categorizing them. Can’t be done. It is all or nothing.

 

We don’t get to pick and choose who we love. We must love all—period! You may not agree—that’s your prerogative. I have watched people who say they are Christians and do everything in their power to push people out of the church because they were not clean enough or they were not rich enough or they were not intelligent enough…that they were the wrong color, from the wrong side of town, etc. I have watched as my church took women out of their positions because the men in power were sexist and would not let the women serve on Sunday morning. Women in the men’s opinion must do all of the work and be hidden…and this comes from a progressive faith that has a woman as its general minister. So, I have seen the worst of Christians who talk bad about other religions. While none of us is perfect, we must accept others as they are. We cannot change them to meet our expectations because we are all flawed.

 

To those who are not Christian—of some other faith or of no faith—I hope you understand where I am coming from. And, to all…I have stepped back from my roots to see where I should be and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. I still believe in a creator—a God but the God I pray to is the same God I have always prayed to and he/she/it (I don’t believe God has a sex but we won’t go there) is more of a universal God. In other words, he/she/it is who we need ‘him’ to be. I don’t can’t believe that there is one religion that is right–I’m sorry but that is my conclusion from all of my studying and praying and everything…I just cannot believe anyone is right making everyone else wrong. Hey, if I’m wrong–so be it. I want everyone to have a voice and have the freedom to believe in the faith that is important to them. Spirituality is important to me. Discipline is important. There are things I like about various religions…the commonality of helping others, loving, being humble…all of these matter…respect for each other and respect for our Earth. 🙂

 

So, this long post is really about same-sex marriage. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kind of difficult to embrace but I just know that we cannot divide people according to what we believe or what we think we believe. We cannot deny others what most of us strive to have. This is not a recent revelation for me. I have been trying to write something about this for an awful long time. My holdback is mostly because we see things as a sexual nature. We are sexual animals at times and we really need to exercise some brain power and self-control.

 

Love isn’t about sex. Yeah, I know people who don’t believe that but it’s not. If you get married because of sex, there are going to be problems down the road. Our world is preoccupied with the subject. You can’t turn on a tv in the US and not see some type of sexual connotation whether it is advertisements or shows. It’s everywhere. Sexual intimacy isn’t bad. I don’t mean to make it the bad thing of this but when we are hooking up with others not because we love someone but just to satisfy our urges, then we have problems. Again, my opinion but it’s gotten out of hand.

 

Love is giving of oneself—it is unselfish—it is so much but when it becomes selfish and about self-gratification first and foremost, you need to do something to save your marriage if it’s possible.

 

I apologize that this was a rushed post but I feel compelled to say this. I know it is not a topic that you want to hear but it’s what needs to be said. Some will dismiss me and say that I am a lost sheep or that I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing or something. That’s fine. I accept it because I know people are not going to embrace this. Heck, it has taken losing my husband and watching him throw our marriage away and throw away a chance at making a family for his son with the son’s mother and so much more that I have experienced and witnessed in my journey. Peace is what we should be searching for and the only way to have peace is to have love. 🙂

 

May your gardens grow full of love yielding years of happiness! Wishing you much love… 🙂

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Situation—You are a cop on the streets. The public is armed and ready to kill you at the slightest thing. The public has access to armor-piercing bullets and they have no like for police officers. You come up on something you believe looks suspicious—sometimes it is the way people will not make eye contact or the way they hold themselves or the way they appear to be a suspect in a crime that has just come across the radio…

 

To a cop, no one is considered to be on your side. If you let your guard down, you can be dead. Those are the facts of life. You begin to read people. After you see enough people stealing and drug dealing and such, you get a handle of what to look for but unless you have a crystal ball, you do not know with 100% certainty that someone is not carrying a gun. Even toy guns that are made to look real can be mistaken.

 

Most laws that are in place give cops some latitude because everything isn’t cut and dry. If he or she perceives that his/her life (or that of someone) is in danger, they have the right to protect themselves or someone else from the perceived threat. If you are a cop and I charge at you after I have assaulted you (hit you), you (in most places in the states) have the right to shoot to kill. You are protecting yourself.

 

Heck, I have seen video of people who are so high on drugs where bullets didn’t stop them. We have had cops killed here because they let their guard down. One was a school officer who didn’t pat down a kid before he put him in the backseat of a patrol car. The cop lost his life. The cop’s family lost a good man. The cop didn’t want anything bad to happen to the kid but the kid shot him anyway.

 

I knew a cop who had a guy high on drugs take his gun and tried to shoot him but luckily the gun jammed. The guy beat the cop so bad but at least he didn’t die. It is bad to watch anyone be beaten or killed but it is dang awful to know the person.

 

Cops wear a target on their back as long as they wear a gun or if a person knows that someone is a cop. Even families of cops can be targeted. Some of the last words of a drug felon who was taken off to jail at a federal trial my last husband had to testify at was that when he got out he would come for my husband’s family. He was talking about the girls and me. Hopefully, that will never happen but that has not been the only threat I have received and I am not a cop.

 

There are laws in place so there is no chaos…so there is order. On the other hand, cops are not above the law and should never abuse authority. I have seen it way too often and I do not condone it. That blue line thing where you must uphold the brotherhood thing…yeah, yeah…I could tell a few stories but I would have to remain anonymous. While married to a cop, I encouraged my husband to always know what right and wrong were and to never let the lines blur but…

 

I guess we see things from different points of view. I know what it is like for a cop…never letting your guard down…always trying to do the right thing…having to react quickly knowing your life can be jeopardized at any moment because people do not care.

  • Is it right to shoot an unarmed kid?
  • Is it right to rob a store?
  • Is it right to assault an officer?

I am not saying the verdict that came down was right or wrong. That was for the grand jury to decide.

 

Cops are not fortune tellers. The public ties their hands and then expects them to part the sea. You know, it just doesn’t work. You can’t expect miracles. Somewhere something has to give and that is teaching our children to be better adults…to show respect…and to be mindful that we each live on this earth as humans.

 

Well, that’s just my take on it. I was disgusted watching the riots take place. It was like people having temper tantrums. “I can’t get my way so I’m going to make a mess of everything.”

I am very disappointed that we have reached this point in life. We want to divide people but we are all the same. We just need to be better and walk in the shoes of others.

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Everywhere I look, I see where the girl who ended her life is being applauded and memorialized and iconized—everywhere. Why? ‘Death with dignity’ is what the headlines read. Just a few months ago, Robin Williams killed himself and everyone was horrified that he would do such a terrible thing even when it was revealed he was having problems with depression and Parkinson’s disease along with the drugs he was taking to combat the Parkinson’s.

 

Why is it ok to assist someone who has marked everything off his/her bucket list and it isn’t ok for someone to take his/her own life without assistance? Hmmm. There is a terrible double standard at play. I will not even get into the abortion issue but that’s another one I am baffled about. Also is the thought that it’s ok to murder someone as long as you are insane when you do so… Justifiable homicide by reason of temporary insanity they say…I have yet to figure that one out because if you can kill someone, then you are crazy in my book. No, it isn’t simple black or white, yes or no, right or wrong but death should not be hailed as a pleasure drug and that’s what it sounds like. Keep reading…

 

To come to the point of dealing with death—the act of killing someone—you have to make it right in your mind for you to deal with it—a coping mechanism as we learned in school. You have to analyze the scenario and make it so that you can live with that decision no matter if it is abortion, assisted suicide, non-assisted suicide, even murder and self-defense.

 

I was reading in one of those ‘dark’ nooks of the internet, this one called Reddit (be careful there) where the discussion was about ‘death with dignity.’ Several self-proclaimed ICU nurses (you never know the truth of what one writes on there—not really) wrote into the discussion about how they wished there was a way to end the lives of some of the patients…some cited reasons of seemingly compassion for seeing people suffer but some were because they thought the families were abusing the system—one even said the family wanted the patient’s meal tray at the hospital and SS check. The nurses were saying that all of these families basically didn’t care. While that may be the case, no one really knows if someone cares. And, no one knows what a loved one who is suffering actually wants. No one can weigh my heart or brain for that matter and see the love that I had for my family whom I watched suffer. I’m sure there were nurses who thought I wasn’t loving enough or cared enough or whatever but that is someone judging someone else…it can’t be done…or shouldn’t.

 

Just like someone who has cancer and wants to die with dignity. They want to spare their family the grief of watching them suffer but it is our way of dealing with death—humanity’s way. If we take all of the suffering out of life there is nothing to live for. You may not understand that. If you don’t, find someone who suffers every day and who also wants to live despite the pain. I watched my mom suffer day in and day out and she didn’t complain because she would rather have the time with her family in pain than not with her family. I urge everyone to think about not just your personal desires but also the desires of your loved ones—not just now or the next day but in the future when you are not around. If we make death so attractive and do not consider all of the ramifications, we are short-changing life.

 

Ten or 20 years ago I would probably be sitting here applauding the girl who sought to end her life with assistance—more than likely. Things change. My thoughts on death have changed because it isn’t easy to make that decision—or it shouldn’t be. It should be a difficult decision and I fear the more we iconize those who choose death with dignity the easier is to sweep those people out of our lives. I don’t want someone to dictate to me that I should cut my life short and neither do I want to be told that I must prolong suffering. I don’t want to be pushed into anything or feel that if I don’t end my life early enough that my children will suffer.

 

Suffering is a natural part of living and we need to embrace that part of life. When we do away with all suffering, what is there to live for? Yes, I do understand. Suffering has been the motivator in the lives of scientists and doctors, nurses and caregivers…the compassion to relieve the suffering. That is why vaccines exist and cures…it was only later that big pharma got involved and meddled with things so that money was the motivator but that desire to relieve suffering was the basis that started it all.

 

Have a great day! 🙂 Hugs to all.

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Story… A boy lies in bed with tubes everywhere. His mother is sitting by his side holding his hand. She won’t let go. His father just left the room. Tears are rolling down his face. The scene has been ongoing for months now. The prognosis…not good. The boy has a malignant brain tumor. They were just told nothing more can be done. Even with the advances of technology and medicine, the rest of the tumor cannot be removed. His mom just wants to hold onto him—touching him. Every moment is special. His dad is trying to say goodbye, trying to separate himself. Their hearts are broken. The boy is suffering but pain meds are being given. He is in and out of consciousness. He knows everyone around him.   STOP!

 

This is not an uncommon sight. We hate to see loved ones suffer but we expect to go through it with them, some of us do. It’s part of life. Make a note about this… I am speaking about our travel with the one who is “dying” because it is not their journey alone. Please remember, no matter how alone someone is when they pass away they aren’t alone because they are part of humanity. We walk with them because we are all part of One and hopefully we are there for the other on their journey.

 

  • Some say we should allow people to have the ‘right to die’ if they choose. I have not been totally against this thought but it is one of those gray areas where one size does not fit all and it never will.

 

Depending on how I tell the story above is how I make you feel sympathy (and empathy) for this person and situation—how much I can play on your emotions. I can tell you that this child is ready to die and does not fear death—that his parents are ready to let go or I can tell you that they are not ready to let go and they will do anything to preserve life with him not at the cost of their feelings but for their family.

wikipedia

 

You see, it isn’t a single argument and if we think it is, we have become much too callous for me. Life is precious. Advocating ‘right to die’ because we are too scared to look at suffering is just plain wrong. Putting someone out of his or her misery isn’t the answer we are seeking. It’s just like when people would hide the crazy aunt upstairs away from visitors. We can’t deal with it so we do away with it. I hope you understand what I am saying.

 

What if the child wants the ‘right to die’… to have a lethal injection to put him out of his misery? Think long and hard about this. This is not an adult. There are no do-overs. Fini is what it is—final. Think if it were your child or maybe someone you don’t know. Consider all of the ramifications of helping a child to die, consenting, preparing…cleaning up afterwards—the memories and how we adjust to making it “right.” It is more than just saying good-bye. How would you go about it? What would you do? Could you prepare? And, yes, I know what it is like to watch a child suffer and us as parents not able to do anything—oh, I do! There is nothing a loving parent wouldn’t do for their child who is sick.

 

So, my question is…

  • Are we attempting to give power to those who want to help their child because they can’t deal with it or are we giving power to the child?

These are two very different things.

 

Childhood euthanasia…I can’t even believe I am writing those words. I read an article talking about the ‘right to die’ argument and including those with anorexia. What? I don’t mean to make light of this but where do you draw the line? Who gets to die and who doesn’t? Who gets to decide? “Honey, Joey is having a hard time—pain wise—he wants to die. I think we need to allow him to do so.” Switch out the word ‘pain’ for ‘depression’ or so many other words. We get angry at the child who commits suicide and yet we want to help those who have a disease or pain or whatever to die? No, it’s not the same but where do you stop? Where is the journey the family makes with the person who is sick nevermind considering the consequences this could have comparing it to natural selection/survival of the fittest? I have long considered dying with dignity more important than us keeping our loved ones around for us because it is selfish but there is more to it—lots more.

 

My brain does not allow me to think this way. I understand perfectly what is at stake. I cannot say this is ok. Where does it stop? I talked to a friend about this—the friend wasn’t aware of how bad my pain is at times. It’s worse than childbirth, not always, but it’s also not bad enough to die—I know that pain also. Just because it is bad now doesn’t mean I should throw in the towel. He asked about my children—didn’t I want to spare them—he wasn’t advocating me dying by any means. We were exploring this topic. My children.. seeing me suffer has been one of the biggest fears I have had and I don’t want that. I also understand the need to take the walk. If you have never done that, if you have never walked with someone who is dying, you will not understand until you do. It is tough. Difficult. But, it is also rewarding because you learn from others and from yourself. 

 

  • The walk is not for sissies, pardon the expression. It takes a strong person and if you aren’t strong to begin with and you are willing to stick with it, it can make you strong before it is over. It can also break you.

 

Joni Eareckson Tada did an op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal where she criticizes this thought of ‘right to die’ for children of any age because we have become accepting of people with disabilities but we are quickly becoming unaccepting of the disease or disability. It’s true. If you can find it online, I encourage you to read the article. You will have a better understanding of where I am coming from.

 

I know people who have been struggling with disability, pain, all types of suffering and they keep pushing on. I applaud them. They are my inspiration 🙂 because they are not giving up but what it is to stop people in the future from giving up? It could easily happen. Elderly who feel they are a burden on their family/society will just want to die. Who wants to keep fighting when there is an easy out? How many will be encouraged at any age to take a lethal injection? I want to scream and say, “WAKE UP!” This is coming whether we want it or not. It is already legal in other countries. Only the age is the limiting factor. We have to decide what the parameters are going to be. We have to decide what the message is going to be. Is life valuable? I know adults who can’t make decisions. Do you think their children can do better?

 

‘Right to die’ no matter the age is going to happen one day but it depends on our attitude of how we handle this—so important. Can you imagine a family suing because they were not able to abort their child? The child was born with a birth defect and the mother wasn’t told her baby had it. Imagine suing because you were not able to abort your child. This is not the only perspective for this situation but they have been awarded tens of millions of dollars by the court because of this. This is real. Will they be able to help this child die later on? Do you see where I am going? We have cheapened life and we continue to do so. We need to wake up and we need to take some responsibility.

 

  • Think about it. There is not a quick fix or simple answer. This cannot be shoved under the rug or ignored. Death. It’s time to talk about it and not treat it so carelessly because it isn’t about death but about LIFE. 🙂

 

All of this that I have written is real even the child at the beginning of the post. He was the boy I knew so many years ago but his family went with him on the journey—they took the walk—to the end. He suffered but his memory lives on.

 

May God search our hearts and help us to know that every life is precious and that no one should ever be discarded.

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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