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What I am about to write is true and personal. For several years I watched my mother lie in agony and pain, and I could do absolutely nothing (or so I believed) about it. I felt helpless. She took the strongest pain killers and yet they seemed to do nothing but do more harm. She suffered from rheumatoid arthritis (among other things) that was so bad the circulation stopped in one of her thumbs and an index finger. They first turned blue and then black. Both had to be amputated. All of her joints were so messed up that she could not sit or stand. Her body reminded me of the old circus freak shows. It is bad to say but it was horrible for her to live through.

 

I moved back to care for her. The meds that she took caused all sorts of complications and her autoimmune system began fighting itself-that may sound familiar. This was before she had a stroke. I could tell you some of the most grotesque stories but if you know of someone who has suffered like this, then you already know. It caused me great pain to see her like this and to know I was her caregiver and patient advocate and that she depended on me for everything. I couldn’t make things better—it took a toll on me.

 

I wish I knew then what I know today. Since that time I have cared for other people and watched and learned. I’ve read and discussed things that I never dreamed of back then. What I am about to say is not going to sit well with everyone but this is where reality comes to life—where it meets the pavement so to say.

 

What if I told you that there is something that would have helped my mom, something that would have given her quality of life-in my opinion-and helped her to live on without the complications? It may have even lengthened her life with less pain and again, with quality of life.

 

Stigma was a topic in a recent post. We apply that word to things we don’t usually accept. I live with epilepsy which has been stigmatized during my lifetime-less so of late. Hippies of the 60s were unfairly stigmatized as were those who were categorized in this group whether they were hippies or not. Remember, it only takes one’s perspective to categorize someone. Ok, you get the idea.

 

Some things are acceptable depending on the group of people you are with and some things are never acceptable. I used to think everything was black and white, red or green, purple and yellow, etc. I never thought I could help my mom as each day I watched her face one battle after another and waste away before my eyes. I can’t play the shoulda, coulda, woulda game but there is a chance that I could have helped her.

 

Welcome to the 21st century where it is not taboo to speak of cannabis oil and treatment with cannabis. Sure, there are people who still believe it is off limits and that it is the devil weed but if you had a child who suffered severe tonic-clonic seizures that were not controlled by any other medication… are you going to tell me you will not try cannabis oil that has been proven to help stop or at least slow down seizure activity in some patients? I would do it in a heartbeat! I would get cannabis oil or cannabis in some form for a child, my mom, anyone who is in my care who needs it. I would not hesitate one bit. Before you leave my post, I would like you to read on.

 

We have been fed a bunch of malarkey. I believed for a long time that it was a gateway drug. I need to say that there are those individuals who go on to use “heavier” drugs but truth be told, they were headed in that direction any way. It’s the nature of the beast—think addict and you get the idea.

 

Last year, Georgia passed a law that allowed patients with limited illnesses to possess and use cannabis oil such as a child with uncontrollable epilepsy…HOWEVER, the governor and lawmakers failed to provide a way and means for parents and patients to legally obtain cannabis oil. Ever since then there were certain lawmakers and residents of Georgia that have literally been fighting to get a legal way to get help for these patients. One was via new legislation which has failed at every angle. Number two…people have been traveling out of state to “legally” obtain  cannabis oil but illegally transport it back to Georgia. The governor sternly warned there would be consequences for these actions.

 

  • So, why sign a bill into law that helps those who need treatment but not allow them to get treatment?

 

Well, that’s what everyone here has been asking. Another bill was submitted that added more ailments and provided instate cultivation so that patients could get adequate treatment. It came to light this week that our lovely governor would not sign any instate cultivation bill while he is in office…and he doesn’t leave until 2018/19 so…this is the proverbial rock and a hard place.

 

Ok…onto the last of the story. Since the governor has championed support in the state senate (more like strong-armed), a sufficient bill will not leave committee. There is nothing that can be done for another year and this is only February. Think of how many more people will suffer and die because of this insane approach. I learned today that parents will publically put their lives on the line to transport cannabis oil for their children, loved ones, those who are suffering in order to force the governor’s hand. This will get ugly but how does one tell a parent that they cannot get the treatment the child needs? That’s like have a life-saving drug in the pharmacy out in plain sight but no one can purchase it…

 

Whatever stigma cannabis had in the 70s, 80s, 90s…that stigma needs to go away. My mom would have benefitted from this, both her pain and her arthritis and she would not have had the side effects from the drugs she was given. We allow alcohol to be consumed like it is water as long as you are old enough but cannabis??? Alcohol is so much worse. 

 

I wish I knew then what I know now and let me say that people who refuse to provide treatment to those in need, even those who get in their way, should face stiff consequences—even jail time. FYI, these are my opinions. People are suffering and dying and we are supposed to stand around and watch? No.

 

May your gardens grow with lasting abundance–always! 🙂

 

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Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.

 

I really didn’t understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didn’t always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.

 

I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriately—how to withhold “rewards” much like someone withholding love. That’s what happened in my first marriage—love was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionally—another dangerous place to be. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.

 

It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I don’t think I can. It’s difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that way—that the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things don’t always work out that way, but I wasn’t taught that. In fact, I don’t have a STOP button on me. Moving on.

 

Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But … it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a child’s hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and love—romantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.

 

I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to fall in love again—well, not anytime soon. And, I was doing good—fairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasn’t easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against it—I didn’t want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. It’s hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. Hmmm…a tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesn’t have a happy ending.

 

It’s funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we don’t even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mate—a significant other. I want to believe but … love and me … well, we don’t see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I don’t know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isn’t really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.

 

I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I don’t know. It’s hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I don’t want someone to sacrifice for me—to lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.

 

I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun sets—to be there for each other no matter what. That’s my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.

Boy, that part hurts.

 

May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening! 🙂

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Injustices in the world…I believe we are here to help others. If you knew of a needy family, would you offer aid? If a child was going hungry, would you offer him/her food? We are all humans in this world. Sometimes we are in need.

 

I remember when my youngest was born—two weeks before Christmas. My husband had just lost his job. He had been overseas for Desert Storm and was called back home because I was having such a difficult time with my pregnancy. His employer kept him the 30 days required and got rid of him so we were without insurance, food, everything but we still had a roof over our heads.

 

I remember how humiliating it was to be in need and I couldn’t do anything about it. My eldest child had just begun walking. My mom had a stroke earlier that year–it was an awful year in many ways. I was at my wit’s end and had to participate in the WIC program for my baby. Not to be critical but even my church didn’t offer any aid. I was ashamed of my situation but this isn’t the way it is supposed to be. Government programs exist because there are those in need. There is nothing wrong with participating in these and we should never shame anyone who does.

 

I doubt anyone would fault me for participating in the WIC program especially with a newborn. In fact, it was required that I do so by the hospital in order to be released. But what if it were a family who needed help? Would you grant them this same sentiment? What about refugees who come into this country? Would you turn them away? Would you refuse help after they have been settled? I hope you wouldn’t turn people away.

 

Well, my governor has just ordered all government assistance to end in giving refugees aid. There is a child about 4 years of age.

  • Is this ok with you?
  • It isn’t ok to me.
  • It breaks my heart.

 

There are many of us who welcome refugees into this country because we can empathize with their situation no matter who they are. To me, it doesn’t matter what religion, what color, what race, what anything… What matters is that we do unto others as we would want to be treated. There is no other option to me.

 

There are terrible things being said—hateful things. I have been writing about attitudes for a long time now. It is up to us to reach out and do what is right. I cannot apologize for the way I see things. I do not like politics but I am being forced to get involved though I am only one person. I encourage you to get involved and let your voice be heard. We are to love all people…not just those who we want to be here or those who look like us. Many of us in the US have some European ancestry. Might I say that Europeans are not native to this land. People have become so selfish. That is what I see.

 

Again, I encourage you to get involved…call your legislature, governor, representatives. I hope you will show love to others and not judge everyone by the actions of some. We are all connected.

 

Happy Gardening! May your gardens be filled with an abundance of love. 🙂

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I am not in the habit of saying I will do something and not follow through. When I commit, I mean it but I went back on my word (twice) and I am truly sorry. I bow my head in shame.

 

I have been following Sreejit Poole for a good while..not sure how long..a few years? He has been one of my spiritual guides, if I can call him that, on my journey of life—a type of mentor yet he does not know that (well he knows now if he reads this, lol).

 

He is very talented in so many ways and he did something so special for the month of November on his blog called The Seeker’s Dungeon (link). He had guests post each day about their “walk with intention.” 🙂  If you haven’t already checked these out, please do so. They are words from the heart and there is an adventure waiting for you for all 30 days. The link is at the bottom of this posting.

 

Each of us travels on a journey whether we want to or not. It is up to us to decide where that journey will go and what we make of it. So often the focus is the destination but it is the journey that teaches us each and every day if we only stop and allow it to do so. It really is about the journey if you have not figured that out yet. 😉

 

We decide what we carry with us but very few of us realize that we take something from everyone we meet. Just think…we may not be consciously aware of such, but we pull from that interaction in some way. And the same happens in reverse…people take from us so we should be cognizant of what we are portraying. Imagine…something you take from someone that can impact a world tomorrow or vice versa for someone else. That is how important it is—of our journey and how we act toward others.

 

Think about this the next time you meet with someone…observe others…or when you are meditating about the day you have just experienced. Which people have impacted you? What have you learned and what can you apply? It may surprise you how easily people pick up things from us and use them in their lives. Sometimes we pick up these things and we don’t realize it.

 

Check out the Sreejit’s November daily posts beginning at30 Days of Walking with Intention (link).  

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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I find it difficult to blog lately. One thing is a health issue—I’m terribly allergic to something and it has taken control of my life for the past couple of months. Every time I make headway with one thing in my life, something else happens. 😀

 

I miss the camaraderie here on wordpress. I miss reading blogs and writing—sharing ideas and such. There seems to be less time to do all of things I want to do. My life is changing and I hope it is for the good. Only time will tell but I’m excited. 🙂

 

I want to add that each of us needs to be true to ourselves. No matter what happens in life, if we are not true to the central core of our life then we have deceived ourselves and we will not have the happiness we deserve. Life is about choices and consequences but it is also about forgiving ourselves for making poor choices. We can’t beat up on ourselves. We have to let go of the past and be willing to create a new future.

 

Plant seeds of goodness—harvest loads of love—and store treasures of a lifetime.

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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  • On Thursday I was told online that I needed to sacrifice myself because of my liberal views—that I was responsible for the deaths of the marines in Chattanooga…clears throat…

 

  • I had a post come across my FB feed yesterday showing how many of my friends stood with Israel and to share if I agreed…clears throat…

 

It takes courage to speak up when almost everyone I know is against what I believe.

 

  • About a week ago, I got a call from a person from my church, a person I used to call a close friend until she called me last year to complain about our new minister—saying that he wanted us to love everyone but that she could not love those people overseas who started all of those wars—that she could learn to love black people but not Muslims…clears throat…

 

She was calling last week to tell me how bad our church is having it—that they had to let the cleaning lady go. It seems that everyone will have to volunteer some of their time to clean and she was bemoaning. She said there is not enough money and they may have to shut the doors. This isn’t the first time we have discussed this and my answer usually begins with words about having faith in God except this time I just listened.

 

This time she was upset that the minister (same minister from last year) said he was willing to perform same sex marriages. The congregation said they were against it so they quit having weddings in the church. It’s a beautiful historic landmark and is usually booked about 2/3 of the year for weddings. Money made goes to pay bills including the salary for the minister and utilities. Some in the congregation would rather have no weddings than to deal with any same sex couple weddings. Yes, it is a Christian church. By the way, the people getting married in the church supply their own officiant so there is more to this story and it is a power play of sorts. I don’t think churches are where politics should enter but when a new member comes in, they essentially are forced to choose a side. 😦

 

She wasn’t forthcoming on all of this but I told her that she didn’t want my opinion. When she called last year, I warned her she didn’t want my opinion but she said she did so I told her that Jesus didn’t come for only certain people, that he came for all people and that we should love all. She wasn’t happy and I can only guess that others in the church got my message through her because I got the cold shoulder soon afterwards and I am still shunned by most of the members. That is on them—not me. I gave so much to them and it hurt me but I have given that up. 🙂

 

There are some people who think they are being persecuted…big sigh…sad face 😥

 

Many of these Christians are the ones doing the persecuting and they have been doing it for a long time. This makes me sad. I also talked to a real friend from my church this week. She filled in some of the missing details and she was in agreement with me about our church and about what love really means. For so long we had hoped that the congregation would change but the ones with power have suffocated all life in the church. She and I worked together on many projects only to see them fall through. We have given up because too many people pushed back and pushed others out. You have to follow the words of Christ if you are a Christian church. That love thing is really the foundation of everything.

 

I’m proud that my minister has decided to do the right thing. It took real courage to do what he did. He will be pushed out of the congregation because he spoke his mind. They cannot meet the bills and they will let him go. I’ve seen it happen all too often. It’s the way they do things.

 

Faith is like a double-edged sword. It cuts two ways. You can have faith that you will succeed or that God’s will might not be what you want. The trick is to let the Spirit guide you. If you don’t, then what good is faith? I have prayed and prayed for God’s love to be shown through the people of the church—this was my prayer for so many years and we were doing positive things but something happened. I have dared not to pray that the doors would stay open because what good are open doors if people are not welcome inside? The homeless were never welcomed–only a few of us tried to be welcoming to all people. Those who were in need were not welcomed. Our true fruits are seen when they mature. They can be fruits of goodness or the fruits can be rotten. I pray for the best but sometimes tough love is hard to watch as in this case.

 

A church is not a charity. The people in the congregation are the hands of Christ and are there to help others and its members but they are not the charity. My church has long worshipped money over service to the community. They don’t get it. The building is worshipped and the lady who gave the money for it is worshipped. She never wanted to be remembered and even said so many times. She gave anonymously and I still say if she were alive today, she would admonish the members for not building a new church to better serve the people. She was ahead of her time and I find it quite ironic that she was purpose driven in the 1800s and yet, here we are in 2015 and this congregation believes women should not serve. We have not risen to the call and until things change, I don’t see the congregation growing but only dying.

 

When you have hate in your heart, there is truly no room for any love. You choose what is in your heart. 🙂

 

 

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Lots to say but this is what I want to share…

The other day for my daughter’s birthday, we finally got to see the movie, Inside Out. It was great but what I really loved was the short shown before…this is just the music from it but I love it…hehe…

 

😀

 

I lava this….. 🙂

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I’m having an issue—ok, issues. I’ve been stuck inside all weekend (rain and more rain) and that was after I had an awful migraine last week (sinus triggered) that lasted 4 days–never made it to the movie either. I’m going crazy and I am lonely. (sigh) I get down when I get like this…depressed a bit. I had gotten to a point where I’m usually ok with being by myself and all but I’m in need of some romance. Dang. I hate it when I get like this. There isn’t anything I can do. It just happens.

 

I have been dumped on so much for the past few weeks that I’m really feeling the effects. I like to celebrate Independence Day but with just me, I don’t get to do what I want these days. I’m feeling quite down about that too. I fight so hard at times and want to believe there is something better but I don’t see it. I don’t like the loneliness but here it is…still… I fight hard to be an optimist.

 

Over the weekend I was privileged to read about two ministers who I believe have been truly blessed. I write about these two but I know there are more out there. These are the people who should be speaking out for the world to hear—not the jokers that seem to have everyone’s attention and are center stage. They are the ones who have been called upon to serve—to be humble servants. Both ministers have felt that calling—to hear the needs of their parishioners…even their homosexual ones. While many a church believes that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, there are people rethinking this and what exactly the Bible says. I’m not going into what it says mainly because I cannot judge someone.

 

What I see is ministers who are actually walking the path of Jesus Christ and it makes me feel quite glad. One actually broke down and was humbled before God. People in his church came to him seeking guidance. He talked about how when one left, he could not get up but rather got down on his knees and prayed. His prayers were answered because he chose to ask God how to help these people and he did not judge them nor did he say they were not worthy. He treated them with respect. 🙂

 

Another minister felt the call that his church was not serving all those that were in need because their Book of Discipline forbid it. He felt that there was something more that they could do so he presented the challenge before his Sunday school class and they answered the call by seeking to become a reconciliation church. This is a big step in some churches. It is a way to show they are seeking a different path and acknowledging we are different. We can’t cast people out because of the differences and we cannot say they are not welcome. 🙂

 

These are challenges before churches—not just these few but all churches. It isn’t going away. You cannot shut the door on it. You cannot close people out. For the past few years I have talked about being inclusive rather than exclusive and that is my belief.

 

A certain infamous blog person has taken to the blogwaves of how his heterosexual marriage is being harmed by the same sex marriage decision handed down by the US Supreme Court. Ok. I don’t see it. Other people’s marriages shouldn’t affect yours. If they do, you have issues too and they are worse than mine. 😉

 

All of this is going on and I cannot help but feel those heartstrings pull at me again—some call it a minister’s calling but I cannot answer that call. However, I can continue to blog and that might be my true calling after all. 🙂

 

Remember to treat others with true respect and try to love all people. Happy Gardening! 😀

 

 

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We can choose to build fences and walls or we can choose to build gates, windows and doors. What are you building?

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One of the things I learned when growing up was how to swing a hammer and build ‘stuff.’ I can design things and build projects. I can draw plans and take it to fruition. If I can see it in my mind, I can build it. When you are exposed to so much, you can’t help but learn things. There were small projects to house additions and roofs, dog houses, shelving, cabinets, etc that I have helped with and as an adult, I have built my own projects that I have been happy with. It’s nice to have carpentry skills.

 

On the farm, we had enclosures for pigs and hogs—most were wooden fences. Funny thing about some animals, you must constantly keep a watch out for holes made by the animals either breaking through the fence or digging under it. The pigs were gone by the time I was old enough to repair fencing but there were other farms around. It’s always good to be proactive rather than reactionary. And, it’s no fun chasing down cows or pigs, horses and chickens…

 

Fences are good for keeping animals separated for whatever reason. Same thing for people. Walls are built to keep some people out and some people in. Doors are made to enter and exit but are those doors willing to allow all people entrance? You know what I am getting at. We can choose to allow people in or we choose to keep people out.

 

Several years ago I was the head of the evangelism committee which was supposed to bring people into the church. What do you do when you have a church where all people are not welcomed? People of color were not welcomed. Women who spoke up were not welcomed. A lot of sinners were not welcomed. So what do you do? I had been working on that idea and trying to change it from within for so long but people chose to judge others. New visitors were carefully scrutinized. Did they give enough? Were they good Christian people? Did they swear or drink? Could they bring more money into the church? It was a constant barrage of questions of whether people were good enough to be members like the church is only for the saintly, lol.

 

My idea was that everyone needed to become a missionary—an evangelist—because there was nothing to offer people unless we all got involved. The plan was working and then the minister’s little affairs came to light and things went downhill—fast. Things were tight and people began to be more critical. They didn’t seem to trust and have faith in what could be done. They scrutinized new attendees more closely. Where the congregation should have been welcoming, we didn’t allow people in. If you were homeless, forget it. Don’t attend or that was the mantra from the loudest peanut gallery. I was appalled. By this time I had started to lose hope and with my husband having his affairs, I just gave up. It was too much.

 

See how your actions affect others? You are an integral part of the puzzle. What you say and how you welcome other people into the fold makes a difference. You can build taller fences and more solid walls but in the end what matters is how many gates, doors, and windows there are and if they will allow people entry. Are people welcomed? If not in the church, do you welcome all people into your home?

 

If you think it doesn’t start with you then you might want to rethink. What are you building? Walls and fences, or gates, windows and doors? It matters.

 

Have a great week and may you always break down barriers wherever you go! 🙂

 

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An emotional day…rather than explain my day, this is my prayer that I posted for another blog…blessings and good tidings to you this Sunday… 🙂

Dear God, I cried today first because people called me awful names and told me terrible things after they told me to go to hell. But, those tears were nothing compared to the heartache I felt when I read that a certain minister has called for a boycott of any institution who will not stand against SSM. What would Jesus do? I ask myself that question. Would he turn away from people who need him? Would he judge others? Would he treat others as 3rd class citizens? No!!!

God, I cannot believe what I see each day…hatred for others and those who are hating are the ones who are saying they are being persecuted. What happened, Father? What went wrong? The moral decay is not coming from some sin that is preached about as an abomination. The moral decay has already taken place in the hearts and minds of Christians who believe the law says to build walls and fences to keep others out. Father, your son preached to the Pharisees but his words are more true today than they were 2000 years ago. There are Pharisees among us who would have us believe that Jesus would shun part of the world. I don’t believe that. He wouldn’t do such.

Father, you taught me to love all, to judge not, and to live by example. My tears are for those who have been marginalized and are told every day that they are going to hell. We sin, Father, when we take your place. My tears are for those who believe they have the right to dictate how others should live. It hurts me to know they do not understand love, the greatest commandment. I may not walk my path alone but sometimes it sure feels that way and yet, I know you are with me. 🙂 Never leave me…

I search for peace to build bridges so that we may all live in harmony…this I pray…

Amen.

 

My heart weighs heavy from what I have experienced today. No one should ever go through what I faced and if it wasn’t enough, I was mocked and made fun of. Do I question if I’m doing the right thing? Yes, I do question and the answer is yes–not because it is a trendy thing but because it is the answer to what would Jesus do? I believe there is a great divide about to come across this nation…there has been a swelling feeling of pride and arrogance and when we look at history, that arrogance is what brings down empires. Each of us has a choice to make. We can choose to bury our head in the sand or we can choose to love. Those are the only two choices that I see.

 

Also, I was preached to last night that I was going to die at the hands of my Muslim friends by having my head separated from my body (perhaps he has watched too much Highlander) because I will not fight against Islam. No, this person was not speaking about the fanatic group across the sea but that all Muslims want me dead. These are perilous times we are in, there is no doubt but to spread such hate and fear mongering is unfathomable. 

 

May your gardens grow with love abundant… 🙂

 

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