Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

I don’t know how many people realize how obsessed with Ireland I am but sometimes I am more up to date on the news in Ireland than I am in the US. Do you know how big Ireland is? It’s about as half the size of the state of Georgia but is more dense population wise—has a few more people for the land mass. There are a lot of people in Georgia who have Irish ancestry…some are Catholics and others like me are Protestant but that’s the past.


The country of Ireland had a referendum put on the ballot last Friday that asked about same sex marriage. There has been much support for both sides. I knew there was a chance that the referendum would pass but I wasn’t sure. I wanted to know how the vote would go but no clear indication was given before I headed to bed that night nor when I got up the next morning but by lunchtime the votes had all been counted and as you know, the referendum passed. All voting districts passed it except for one—I cried… 🙂 My heart was filled with joy.


I knew there were people who wanted this to pass. It was a big thing because this was the first time that popular vote succeeded in passing SSM—Ireland was the first country to do this. I thought of people who would be affected not just those in the present but those of the future who would have the chance to marry who they wanted. I know everyone is not on board with this but what if you loved someone and wanted to marry them but you couldn’t because there was a law prohibiting such? What if this affected your children or descendants? When it becomes personal, I get it, I understand. Sure, I could sit in my chair and say—no way can these two people get married—but that’s not for me to decide.


I have heard all of the excuses and reasons why they shouldn’t get married but to be quite honest, I would rather a child be raised with two same sex parents who love the child without reservation because when they commit to raising children, they do it because they WANT children…not because a child came along by accident. That takes commitment—something a lot of couples today are not willing to give and two parents are usually better than one—not always but usually. I could go on and on. I have thought this out. I have considered as many situations as I could and then others have presented me with more…I don’t see a problem as long as two people are honest with each other and love each other—willing to make the commitment. The rest is none of my business and it’s none of yours either :).


We have such a terrible divorce rate and it has nothing to do with SSM. My opinion is to let people get married and begin to focus on giving help to those who need it. We have problems with society of offering respect, giving love, seeing others as equals. And, we have an issue of selfishness. Those are societal problems across the board and they need to be dealt with. I believe this is where our energies should be spent and not condemning people of this “abomination”—not my choice of words, just what I keep hearing.


I have been accused of promoting the gay agenda…and that’s far from the truth. I promote love and well-being, a family environment, completeness…unselfishness. I will not sit here and tell you there are no problems ahead because there will always be problems but I honestly rejoiced Saturday and wept like a child with happiness. My heart was filled with joy…not for me but for my fellow man and woman but also for my children’s children too. Imagine the possibility of raising children with absolutely no bigotry…that’s a nice thought.


People talk about abomination and how this will lead to the destruction of America. Truth be told, we have already destroyed America with our bitterness and hatred, bigotry and vile acts against good people. I believe we have turned the Bible into our own personal agenda and when we feel our rights have been violated then we choose to engage in our own vendetta. I am ashamed. We don’t get to yell that we are being persecuted because self-persecution does not count. Sorry, but I love this saying because it is so very true.


I’m going to go back to Bible times, back to Jesus…I imagine people waiting in lines to see Jesus…almost like children at the mall at Christmas waiting to see Santa. Close your eyes and think of the lines of people. Right before you get to personally visit Jesus, there is an offering plate … [no, sorry, Jesus would never do that… 🙂 ]  


Jesus wouldn’t make you pay to see him. They didn’t charge admission for the Sermon on the Mount. They didn’t even have food for the people… People flocked to him, to see him, to hear him, and to touch him. There was no requirement but today … I think there are those who would ask for payment to see the Almighty.


Despicable. If this is the case, what else are we doing wrong? I think Jesus’ sermons to the Pharisees are more relevant today that they were 2000 years ago. I think we are wrong about opposing same sex marriage. Even if your church opposes it, there are churches who will accept those who want to be married and they can join and be a part of the membership. Some churches even allow homosexuals into the clergy.  


Story… I have known homosexuals since high school. It weirded me out when I was younger but I didn’t hold it against them. It wasn’t my cup of tea. I have worked with them, had friends who were homosexuals, and I was taught not to accept them or their lifestyle by people in the church…I believed it was wrong to be homosexual. Hmmmm. That wasn’t right because it meant treating them unequal. Jesus would have never done that.


I have a friend in the church who has a homosexual family member and she was told to counsel them and tell them they were wrong (the ‘sin and repent, then you will be saved’ talk). She told me about it and said she wasn’t doing it because it was no one’s business but their own and if they wanted to go to church she would help them find a church that was accepting of them. 🙂 My faith is accepting but my church isn’t but they aren’t accepting of people of color or those of other faiths or even those with slightly different belief…very discriminatory. I haven’t attended in a few months due to my health and I’m not sure I will go back.


Some years ago my Mormon neighbors moved away—I was good friends with the lady and hated that they had to leave. Her children played with my girls and we were good friends—kindred spirits of sorts. They sold their house to two men. We didn’t know if they were gay at first but we had our suspicions. I never saw them being outwardly emotional together like holding hands or kissing but we knew. Then my grandmother died. They saw the hearse come for her body so they sent flowers and food. They also offered anything that I needed. They were so nice not just then but the entire time they lived here…always congenial—very nice people. I miss them.


So you see, we have the opportunity to treat others like we want to be treated. We cannot look at ourselves and think we are better. We cannot judge another human. We love people and the rest takes care of itself. I rejoiced last Saturday because instead of bigotry and hatred I saw the country of Ireland put their feelings aside for a bigger purpose. People may say they were forced to vote yes but I know that this is a big thing. We are a broken people and unless we embrace others, we will remain this way. We need to heal the brokenness and become whole. Be careful what you say to another. Be careful who you follow. Knowledge is extremely important. Don’t follow blindly and don’t jump on a wagon because everyone else is doing it. I may walk this path alone but I made my decision. I will not hate and will not accept bigotry in any form.

Irish Flag

Irish Flag


Celebrate the goodness of all people. Celebrate Ireland!!! 🙂

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My last blog post was not easy. Soon after I posted it, I was unfriended on facebook by someone I have called a friend for several years. No notice, no nothing. I assume the person took offense at what I said. That was not what I wanted. And here is where life gets difficult. I have to let it go. It was their choice. It’s hard—very difficult for me. I usually will approach the person and apologize even if I feel I have done nothing wrong but I must learn to let go because I know they believe I am wrong and nothing I say will change that. :/


I can choose to be quiet about what I believe or I can explain as best I can why I am on this journey, how far I have come, and what I have learned. You, the reader, can accept what I say or not accept it…that’s up to you—no disrespect intended. My journey…my eyes…my perspective. I believe I would be doing a great disservice to the world if I keep quiet.


Believe me, I have prayed about this often. I have meditated. I have questioned, read, and repeated. I didn’t get to this point simply by being dropped like a ‘google guy’ on a map. I worked hard to get here. I have paid a great price (too great to hide) and have asked God to help me tell the story because in truth, God put me on this journey—that’s what I believe.


My picture of God may not be the same as your picture and that’s what we need to let go of or rather embrace the differences rather than call attention to them. There are people who do not believe in God. That’s fine with me. I don’t look at them and say, “Hey, you are going to hell unless you repent and are baptized.” I used to think that way. I cannot put my faith on someone else and someone of my faith cannot tell me that I am wrong for not doing it. We have to let go if any faith is going to survive. I didn’t understand that at first but I do now.


My struggles, my pain…it’s all about the journey. There are people who have come into my life…and there are those who leave. It hurts—it hurts a lot. I never want that and I never want to say goodbye but if that is the way it must be for the other person to live/survive, then I must let go. Sounds awful doesn’t it?


Many of the people I talk to have lost a loved one(s)…the pain they carry…the pain that I hear in their words. Sometimes it is what they share and sometimes it is what is missing that tells the story. I feel that pain many times without knowing the details. I don’t know why. I’ve been this way all of my life. I joke that it is my overactive empathy gene but there is no such thing.


I believe women (and not only women) have a great capacity for love and understanding, compassion with passion so to say. I talk a lot about empathy…it’s a part of me that I can no more change than my height or eye color. An empath may sound like a mythological creature but I believe they are real and I believe each of us can use our empathy to reach out to others. I’m not talking witch mumbo jumbo or crazy stuff. I am speaking about what we call the heart…what we feel which is really in our brain.


I cannot tell you what will happen tomorrow. I can only tell you what I feel and what I feel from others. It’s a gift. Some may say it is a curse. It’s not special—no more than anyone else. Some will tell you that not everyone has this gift but I think we were all born with this gift. It’s up to us to use it, to help it grow, to understand it and to use it for good. It is our connection to each other. 🙂


There is a part two to the last post I made but please understand that I have no agenda except for loving my fellow man and woman and accepting them no matter who they are or what they have done or how they believe.


We are each on our own journey. I don’t believe we are supposed to be on the same path and I don’t believe our destination will be the same. You know how if you are around positive people and have positive energy then your life is so much better—you are happy and others are happy…that’s where we need to be. Tearing other people down with nasty remarks isn’t the way to be happy. There is no positive energy and no room for growth.


Have a great Thursday and Happy Gardening! 🙂



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I could not hold off anymore. I broke down today and purchased the album, Progstrumetal: The Annals of 2014, because I love this song. It is called “Whistle.” I first heard the song in a video used by a photographer I follow on facebook.

Rich Gordon (link) is a very talented musical artist…he doesn’t just play stringed instruments. He is a piper and sax player, too. You can find his music on Amazon, Spotify, I-Tunes, etc. and he is also on YouTube. These are just some of the places you can find him on the internet.





Have a great day…night…and happy gardening. 🙂

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Words mean everything…

We even speak without words…

No matter how we speak, words need to come from our heart… ❤





Have a great weekend! 🙂


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I was extremely frustrated on Monday. It showed in my therapy session and my therapist encouraged me to let go of my feelings in my blog. I don’t write in this blog without considerable thought. She thinks I need to share my feelings without so much refinement. I was going to share in another blog but I decided I would do it here, thus Monday’s post. 🙂


It seems that every time I get truthful about my life I risk being told how to fix it. Those are good intentions but all I really need is to feel something of value. I don’t usually vent like I did but like I said, I was frustrated. It took me a long time to talk about anything in my life and then when my husband left, I received comments telling me what I needed to do and I got a few judgments too. There is one that still stands out, lol… The thing is…they were all probably good intentions but not all of the answers were the right thing for me—especially the one that I can’t let go of. 😀


Each of us is different but we are the same. With that said, we don’t march to the same beat—I don’t even march to the same tune. When I wrote that I don’t fit into a neat little box, round hole or definitive classification I didn’t know quite how true that was. I push people away when I feel judged and I step back when I feel my trust has been violated but those are things that I never want to hide because they are me. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings either but I get hurt many times. I must express my feelings in some way in order to deal with them and to say that I need to toughen up just doesn’t cut it.


I was asked why I began blogging. I wanted to give something of myself…something that I see that can help others. I didn’t want to get involved in the nit-picking type of drama that I see in our daily lives—such as what is in the news. I think when we choose sides, we make others choose sides…that’s not good. I think back to the legend of King Arthur and the round table. There is a lot of truth in the legend in the fact of practicality. It’s not so much of a side that we should choose but of the belief of completeness. Each party brings something to the table…we are equally important and we should embrace that rather than pushing people out.


In the US, we have two main political parties. It is my sincerest belief that the people in power—I’m talking about the people with money and power, not necessarily the ones who are serving the people—have choked out all democratic life. There is no room for anything else. We talk about people being liberal or conservative and then there are progressives and evangelicals…etc. You know the buzz words. You may even use them. We want everyone to fit in their little cubby hole and we want only our views to be heard. That isn’t the way it should be done. We do not foster creativity or growth. We don’t want individuality. We don’t want new ideas. Heck, we have people in Congress throwing snowballs to prove there is no such thing as global warming but the only thing people are doing is showing their ignorance. They want to suppress and oppress people.


Remember slavery? We really should go back and learn about slavery. The people who owned slaves were scared of their slaves. They didn’t want them to be educated. They didn’t want them to become a threat. Manumissions in South Carolina alone were freeing slaves at an alarming rate. Did you know that there was a law that you could not bring slaves into South Carolina way back when? When I was doing local research there were deeds and lawsuits and civil matters that involved all of this. There were fights about bringing slave labor into the state. The local paper which goes back to the 1700s detailed much of the history. People were held back so that they would not become “equal”…that’s a problem we are still facing today and it is 2015.


I have made great effort to try and not say people are wrong but there are a lot of wrongs done by people. I want to say things about it. I want to speak up. I know it hurts people to know that I don’t want people to die for crimes. I have always held to the belief in capital punishment but I had a change of heart after the Boston bombings. I could not understand how someone who calls themselves a Christian could call for the killing of innocent people overseas and then also to refuse to bury someone no matter whether they are guilty or not of a crime. Look at Jesus. He died on a cross…was treated as a criminal and still was given a tomb to be buried in and yet we don’t want to give the same to one of our own—a fellow human being. What kind of hate is that? Did Jesus teach us to hate? No. You cannot justify hate.


If you rule by the law of the Bible you are going to lose. Jesus said that the greatest commandment is love. The Pharisees didn’t see that coming. They thought he would pick a law but he chose the heart. He never treated anyone with hate. The rulers…the Jewish rulers—not the Roman ones—were the ones who felt threatened by Jesus. They are the ones who oppressed the people. I see a lot of similarity in today’s world and the time of Jesus.


I have had it with people telling me that my views are not good enough to get into heaven and that I am going to hell. I’ve never understood why someone can take that stance over another. So many people say they hate the sin and not the sinner but I beg to differ. You cannot separate the two. We are all human. We all make mistakes. You may not agree with me and you may judge me but it is not your place to condemn me. Sometimes you have to let go to see the forest because you are too close and see only the tree. Happy Gardening 🙂


I may vent a little more than usual (or than what I have done in the past) but I need to and I still hold to the belief that if just one person reads something that will help them in their journey then my words have served their purpose. Oh, and I haven’t been reading blogs lately…I need to get back to that soon. Take care and thanks for the thoughts and comments. 🙂

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My heart has been a bit sadder lately because someone I considered a friend is not around anymore—I don’t think they have passed away but I don’t know. People come into our lives—some for a short time, some for longer—we never know how long someone will be in our life when we meet. It can be a simple relationship or it can become a lifetime relationship—we just don’t know and that’s life.


I got attached to someone—not romantically. I considered the person a friend. This person lifted my spirits when I was down and helped me through some tough times the past few years. I have not heard from the person so I can only assume that the last time we communicated was the last time we will talk and I find that extremely sad. 😥 I have been depressed a bit a lot but there is nothing I can do more than I have. 😐


Negative people leaving my life are difficult enough but people who have a positive impact on my life—those are the ones I try to hold onto and when they leave, I find that there is a part of me missing. Some people find it easy to keep going and not think of someone but this has been extremely hard and a bit emotional I am embarrassed to say.


It’s been a rocky time these past few weeks for several reasons. Nothing seems easy anymore. Perhaps it is like the movie, Mary Poppins…the winds of change are about to make a return or there is this musical number…


Have a good week and may your gardens grow with extreme kindness. 🙂

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Some time back I started to live what I believed rather than saying what I believed. Then, I began to talk about it. I have written about some of the pivotal moments that caused me to see things in a different light. Each one of them involved people I personally knew—some I even taught in Sunday school—some were what I considered really good friends.


When you stand up in church and speak of how you are being inconvenienced by others who believe differently than you do, I don’t see that is right. When you say nasty things in church about our president and calling him the anti-christ, I see that as hate. When you tell me personally that you cannot love someone of another faith or of another color or just different than you, I see intolerance. Perhaps you say that you have been persecuted. I say that self-persecution does not count.


I still believe in God though my belief is and has been a lot different than many people but that’s my right. I’m not less of a person. I’m not less of a Christian. I’m not wrong. 🙂


You see, Jesus taught us to love all people. He didn’t come and tell us that we should shun people. He didn’t hide behind walls or fences. He came with open arms. When a Christian/minister stands before the congregation in church and says that “we” have been inconvenienced too much because “we” have been tolerant for too long and it is time to change…they are right. It is time to change but not in the way they believe.


I dare you to pick up a Christian Bible and study only the four gospels until you know them by heart and then I challenge you to walk Jesus’ walk…don’t add to it scripture wise…forget what Paul says…just for a bit. Leave the Old Testament behind. Listen to the stories that Jesus relays in the Bible. For those who do not believe, I still think the stories have great meaning—humility is the biggest facet of the New Testament. Pick up the cloak of humility, and slip on the sandals of Jesus…walk in that path—not the path of the teacher or the one who judges but the one who dines with the unfortunate, the ones who are despised by others. Talk with them and learn to see through their eyes. And, realize that the greatest commandment of love is the willingness to become last, give up your seat at the front, share a meal with those who have none…


I’m not confused about what I see and understand. I know exactly where I am and where I am headed. I have no fear of leaving this world and spending an eternity in fire because I stand up for people who are not welcome in this world. You have no right to tell anyone they are going to hell. I don’t care if you think you are doing the best for them. Place yourself in their shoes. Do you want to hear that you are going to hell? No one anointed you to be the judge and executioner. That’s what Jesus was trying to say. When we elevate our status above another, we cannot serve; we cannot be humble; we cannot be last… In other words… we will not be first if we are not last. So if you believe someone will burn in hell, you don’t know God and you do not understand forgiveness and grace. 🙂


Again, I challenge you to read and study the gospels…forget everything else for a bit and see through the eyes of Jesus and then place yourself in the place of the person he interacts with. It requires letting go of the checklists and how-tos and don’ts. It requires a pure heart with no hate. It requires having love and tolerance. Can you imagine someone preaching that Christians should be intolerant to others? Jesus’ mantra was tolerance…to offer the other cheek. You don’t get to a point where you say…hey, I’m fighting back because there is no fighting. There should only be love. 🙂


 May your gardens grow with tenderness and love. 🙂

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060713-1In today’s world we are quick to judge, quick to point a finger, quick to find the one(s) to blame. For every crime or problem, we must find the true culprit and bring justice to the world, right? No. If we would worry about our own lives then maybe everyone’s life would be better. I really believe that.


It used to be that when politicians ran for an office they had a platform they presented to the public. Once it was known, everyone knew where the politicians stood on the issues but these days platforms aren’t even used any more—not really. I read where someone was bemoaning a local race from last fall in which all of the yard signs rather than promote a certain issue about the candidates, they touted the evil of the president of the United States–not even another candidate for the same office. Well, this is why I abhor politics…the mean-spiritedness, the lies, the badgering, the nastiness.


A FB friend was voicing her concerns about how much politics she sees in her news feed. Oh boy do I understand that feeling! It can be so overwhelming. Sometimes it gets so bad that I unfollow friends…yick! Sorry! What is the use in facebook because after a while there isn’t much that comes through that isn’t political? What happened to those nice kitty or pet stories? I like to follow people in other countries—places I want to visit. I like to see photos from new photographers. I enjoy some of the groups I am a member because we get to share things. But then, some groups I don’t like so much and when that happens…bloopgone…delete. 🙂 … Well, it happens.


Speaking of facebook, I have a childhood friend who found me the other day—in fact she was my best friend growing up. That’s what happens when FB gets enough information. We aren’t close anymore and we don’t travel in the same circles but it’s nice to see what she is up to.


I am very protective of my relationships on FB…I’m not friends with most of my local friends for obvious reasons with the prime one being that I don’t want to be targeted again and I don’t want my children to become abused on FB again.


It’s hard to attain and maintain balance. We make choices every day that affect us and those around us. Sometimes they are small and simple but sometimes those choices become bigger and can lead to other things. As we grow, we collect and gather things. We tend to keep these things close. We need to make sure we know what we have in the things that we collect and in the friends that we choose to be with. I always ask, “Is it safe?”


As for politics…haha, you are on your own but there is this…


My daughter told me last night I should run for president  …  (eye roll)

I told her,   “I love you!”



Have a great day and remember to water your gardens! 🙂

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I am concerned of how we treat others—now—today. People judge me on this and I don’t understand. I think we should love others and yet people I know who I have called friends for so long think differently. I had to say goodbye to someone last week. It wasn’t my choice—it was theirs. It is for the best in some ways but it is not what I wanted.


If you back me in a corner and make me choose—I will choose respect and freedom of choice because without those we are not able to enjoy those rights and freedoms we hold so dear. If you tell me I must choose something over my children, guess what choice I will make. I don’t understand why people make me choose either my children or them. It is not a choice. My children are a given in my view. If you tell me I must stand on one side or the other, I choose me and my view which is usually not what everyone else chooses and if you really push, I will choose the person who has no voice.


Last Thursday I wrote a really good post about marriage in the 1960s. Either people didn’t like it or they didn’t read it. It was informative and something we should all learn about. I believe in love…different types but love that is selfless is what this world needs and guess where it starts…It starts with us!


As for me…No one gets to decide for me until I cannot decide for me. No one can judge me. No one gets to categorize me. No one can make me fit into a round hole or square space. I do not fit in the usual mold and after 55 years, I don’t think I am changing. I was told the other day to write more about what bothers me…hmmmm… 🙂 I will be writing for a long time it seems and just today someone told me that my father was the devil…


Last week I got into a conversation about being a Christian. I was told I wasn’t because I subscribe to beliefs ‘they’ feel are unchristian. Well, no one gets to decide if I am Christian enough. No one gets to judge that for anyone. If you believe you have that power, I’m sorry. I have wanted to fit in all of my life … I would love to fit in and be accepted but that probably will not happen. I am sure there are others who feel the same way so they either disregard what others say or feel like a misfit. Please do not let others dictate to you how you should feel. I have been dodging those bullets for the past few years. Some of them hurt and some leave scars that never completely heal.


Things stick with me sometimes…things people say. The friend who told me that I wasn’t healed…I felt like she was saying that I wasn’t good enough and in reality she was really saying that—she doesn’t respect where I am in my life. I have a problem with people thinking this way but I cannot do anything about how she feels or the way other people think I should feel. Way back when I gave some details in my blog about being separated and someone said that I should not badmouth my daughters’ father to them when in fact I didn’t have to because he was doing that all by himself. In truth, the person was speaking from experience because she felt her mother did that about her dad. That hurt me because I tried to explain the situation.


Other people have told me to “just get over it” referring to divorce issues, rape problems, health and financial things, etc. I found this type of tone very disheartening since they did not know what I was going through…all of the phone calls, the voicemails and messages, being stalked…all of the things I was doing to ensure my children and I were safe…the nights I stayed up because my phone was going off every time I fell asleep and there was no one there when I answered—yes, I found out who it was. I appreciate the concern from people who really care. I don’t know what I would have done without caring people.


I have had a heck of a road. I didn’t ask for a lot of what I have had to deal with but I also didn’t expect to be hit when I’m down either. I hope someone will be able to take something away from my blog that helps them somewhere along the way. I hope there is strength to be found to stand up for what is right or protect another until help arrives.


I started a journey some years ago in search of what God called love. I wanted to make things right in my family’s lives but I didn’t realize how awful the lies were that were told or how bad the person I trusted could act. I have given everything but just like the rough granule that becomes a pearl with layers and layers of calcium carbonate so has the hurt and pain made a place of empathy in my life so that I can see others in a clear light—to see love. 🙂


People will continue to judge me and they have no right. People will continue to tell me that I am of the devil and I will go to hell. I had a guy recite scripture for probably an hour to me today of how I was lost and didn’t know what I was talking about…that I needed to read the Bible and learn something…he saw it as his duty to save my soul because I was bringing damnation to myself. I tried to explain that I was in no danger because I’m not. I wish I could say that I said something to help him see love and forgiveness rather than showering others with the wrath of God but probably not since he thought he was being martyred. I have often spoken in Bible study of how people become self-martyrs. It can be a dangerous predicament to get into.


As I come to the end of my post I can only ask that you look within yourself and do what you can for others.


Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—treat others with respect and empathy—care for them—reach out…

It is up to you now… How do you answer the call? 🙂

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I wish I could believe that. You will have to admit that the real reason for marriage is usually love. Some people get married because they feel pressured into it or to avoid shame but when you get down to it, the real reason people get married is because they believe they love each other. I say ‘believe’ because there is a difference with real selfless love and infatuation. 


Not everyone has been free to marry whomever they want. Back in the darkest times of history of our country, back when the US believed it was OK to own slaves, slaves were restricted what they could and could not do. If they were able to get married–some were, there was nothing that would guarantee the family would stay together or remain close by. Can you imagine being in that type of situation? It is terrible to think in a moment’s notice your life partner could be sold and moved away. There is a lot of our history that is unfathomable but like it or not, people had to live with it. I hope we are becoming a better people, a better nation but I’m not so sure.


Oppressed people have fought hard to have rights–to be treated like others. Others who have supported them have fought, too, but even after they gained notice with rights and protections through the courts, they were discriminated against. It is the same for all types of oppression. Do you know when interracial couples could marry–legally marry? Hmmmm…well, here is a story about that…


Many states had laws forbidding the marriage of a couple from different races. The state of Virginia had one such law, specifically against “colored” and white unions. In 1958, a white man wanted to marry a black lady but since they could not marry in the state, they went to Washington, DC to marry and returned to Virginia to live. They were arrested and charged. They plead guilty and were sentenced to serve a year in jail but the sentence was suspended if they would leave the state and not return together for 25 years. Well, that isn’t the end of the story.


  • When I was growing up, I remember seeing couples who were interracial—not just a mixture of black and white but other races, too. I didn’t understand what the big deal was but I also didn’t understand how anyone could have enough courage to date someone of another race when there were so many people speaking out against it. Years later, I asked my mom what would she say if I dated a black guy–I wanted to know what her thoughts were. She said that it was up to me whom I dated and whom I married but to consider what situations and problems my kids would have growing up. She wanted me to think of my children before myself. I admire her for that and she always told me to never date anyone I didn’t want to be the father of my children…good advice


Back to the courts of the 1960s… The Lovings’ judge (don’t you just love the name) in Virginia ruled that since God had made people of different races and colors and that he had put them on different continents then they should honor God and not marry (head—desk; head–desk). The Lovings moved to the District of Columbia to abide by the law. Sad, isn’t it? If you think no, then maybe you need to check your empathy gene. 😉


In 1963, they filed a motion to vacate their sentence/judgment on the basis of the 14th amendment…there is more to all of this [you can read about the case here (link)]. The case was eventually decided by the Supreme Court on 12 JUN 1967. It is called Loving vs Virginia, 1967. I wish this was the end of the story but it isn’t.


Alabama would not honor interracial marriage licenses even after this case was decided? Usually, when the Supreme Court rules in such cases, all lower courts will honor the decision because SCOTUS takes precedence…they are the law of the land—federal courts—but in Alabama’s situation, the state has repeatedly attempted to fight the federal courts even the Supreme Court on more than one occasion (one incident was Gov. Wallace). Their reasoning??? States’ rights of course–what else? As my daughter so aptly puts it, “Mom, the south lost the war.” Yeah. She knows that. I know that and I hope you know that, too. 🙂 It’s not about states’ rights as much as it is about civil rights and protection of the law.


To let you know how unfair things have been in Alabama (in case you don’t know) interracial marriage was not recognized until 1970, three years after Loving vs Virginia and even worse is the fact the state constitution was not amended to allow interracial marriage until 2000 where 60% of voters voted to remove the language. Are you reading between the lines of my writing? That means that roughly 40% of the people who voted wanted to keep interracial marriage illegal or that they didn’t want to change things. There are many people who still believe it is wrong to allow interracial marriage even today. We have not moved very far from the times of slavery and segregation. There is so much racism but it is usually hushed up–well, sometimes. What is in one’s heart is what really matters. If you separate and divide, you will not love fully.


People still believe there are those who are superior making those who are not—inferior. That isn’t ok with me. I was almost joking when I mentioned the empathy gene but in reality, we all need to take a good look in the mirror and see where we can improve ourselves. If you think your brother or sister (people you know–people you do not know) are below you in status, I encourage you to do some real soul searching because they are not lower than you. In fact, if you think you are superior, more than likely you are not. 


Happy Gardening in all that you do… 🙂

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