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Posts Tagged ‘“ME ME ME”’

Love…can be hard to describe. A fellow blogger (link) said this about love—  “True love isn’t a feeling, it’s a sacrifice.”

 

That is so true—it’s a willingness to give and it doesn’t apply to just romance. I think this is what all love is about–sacrifice, giving.

 

What do we love? And, how do we love?

heart cookie

an accident 🙂

You want to know what is wrong with so many relationships? This is it. We don’t love—not like we should. We get up in the morning and the day is spent trying to find time for “me.” We chase that thought throughout the day and the more we attempt to do this, the more “me” wants and desires. The day is spent trying to please “me.” And … the less “me” gives.

 

When we think in terms of “me,” “me” is selfish and wants more—never able to be satisfied. I have a theory that until we learn to be humble (or are reminded), “me” will never be satisfied. It’s just a thought 😉 but I think it is valid. Just like we learn compassion from pain and sorrow, we learn to love out of humility.

 

I have to take a deep breath at this time of year because even though this is the time of giving, a time of love, and a time of receiving, it is also very taxing trying to balance everything. The “me” wants a share for herself—a quiet night not worrying about anything—an afternoon free of shoppers and irate drivers—silence to meditate, etc. I don’t want to give only at this time of year. I don’t want my bank of love to be deficient come January. I have to make sure that there is enough to go around as we all should. In other words, I need to be refilling my bank of love. If it isn’t being refilled, I need to make changes so that it will be. 🙂

 

So …

  • What do we love?
  • What are we willing to sacrifice?
  • For whom are we willing to sacrifice?

 

 Happy Gardening and here is a warm hug for you! 😀

 

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I’m sorry. Whatever is wrong in your world, I am sorry.

 

When I woke up this morning I had no idea my day was going to turn into such a cesspool. I was trying not to post about certain things in my life but I have to write about this. I’m so sorry.

 

I had not received the bill for the car tag that is due later this month—my husband’s birthday is this month and it is registered to him because his name is listed first on the loan. Background info:  We have ONE car—ONE CAR so imagine the surprise I had when the woman asked  **which**  car I needed the info on!!!!!!!!!!

Which car???

Ok, I’m thinking to myself, “Did my husband get himself a car????”

No, it turns out that he bought his girlfriend a car!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or, rather he signed a loan for her……………………..and is giving her the money to pay for her car………………………………

 

I am taking applications for a new husband. Anyone who wants to apply, just leave me a note—only serious applicants need to submit… :D. I would say I am joking but I’m not sure anymore…

 

I hope your day is so much better than mine! 😀  I could not make this stuff up if I wanted. 

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 We all have problems along the way, but how we work together demonstrates how well we can rise above them. Treasuring one another is so important and vital to good marriage. Do you treat your partner like Fine China or a Paper Plate? (original posted Dec 1, 2010 – LINK)

Let me state that I am not a believer in non-monogamous relationships. I believe that we as humans can rise above our animalistic behaviors if we commit to our spouse (or significant other) and focus on our own behavior. Today, I want to write about marriage. People get married for several reasons, but too often I hear about one or both of the spouses “straying away” for even more reasons. Some of those are, “I was at a point of weakness…”; “This woman just turned me on and I lost all control…”; “It started as an innocent friendship…”; “My spouse has lost interest in sex…”; “He does not love me anymore…”; and on and on and on. Sure, we all have those times of temptations, but we should be able to get through them without entering into a sexual relationship with someone other than our spouse.

To turn away from a spouse does not always mean that one is having a sexual relationship. It can be an innocent friendship at first. We all need someone to confide in; hopefully that is a spouse. When it isn’t, problems can arise and rightly so. I am not saying that everything has to be shared with a spouse, but when a couple cannot confide in each other as best friends then there may be some problems. So, how do we avoid an infidelity situation? There is not one blanket cure-all or prevention vaccine, but there are some well-written books that have helped couples find their way back to each other though I do not want to recommend any one particular book here at this time.

Trust is the one thing that cannot be lost. If trust is lost or battered, a relationship is in jeopardy. So many times we want to blame the situation on the other person, but we must realize that we have an equal part in it. I cannot speak for infidelity, as to how to repair the relationship completely, but the one who has strayed has to show sorrow for their actions and the other must learn to forgive completely. The two must enter into a new relationship, one that aims at NOT focusing on what was before but focusing on what is to come. Too often we concentrate on the way it used to be, and we try so hard to get that ‘feeling’ back. We cannot return to the way it was-not completely, but both can try to work together to forge a new relationship-an even better and stronger relationship. But, (you knew I was going to say it) it requires WORK from both sides!

Dragonware China from wikipedia

One thing that I have seen that has worked but may not work in every couple is that the one who “strayed” sees and understands the hurt he or she has caused the other person. This experience happens because of love, a selfless love. He or she seeks forgiveness and the other one forgives. Those who have suffered a casualty and made it back with a true healthy relationship have gone through this and live as one. To be honest, I do not know many people who make a comeback with a strong relationship because much too often, one or the other is not willing to work at the marriage to overcome the problems. It takes TWO willing to become ONE. I say it is akin to paper plates and treasured china. China can be repaired, and with tender loving care can last a lifetime; however, paper plates are disposable and may not be a dime a dozen anymore but will not last. Our relationships should be like that of fine China. Each one should treat the other as the most treasured ‘possession’ in the world. Their relationship together is supreme.

Not long ago, there was a couple who seemed to have a wonderful marriage, but secrets were held dearly to the man’s heart. His wife discovered that he had entered into sexual relationships with other women while they were married. The woman was hurt to find out about this but was hurt even more when the man was not willing to try and salvage their marriage. In essence, he was not sorry for his straying. He wanted it to be her fault for her leaving him. Personally, I believe the woman would have forgiven him and they could have moved on because she has so much love to give, but the man wanted other things and it wasn’t about putting effort into the marriage to help heal it. I have watched as this couple separated and then divorced. It is so sad, especially to see one wanting to work on the marriage and the other not – just like throwing that paper plate into the trash can. Sad to say, but I believe divorce is best for the woman because I think she is better without him because I do not think he can be trusted. What a sad situation!

So, is your significant other and marriage partner a valuable piece of fine, irreplaceable China or a paper plate? It is all about how we treat others. Do you treat him or her like a paper plate? Maybe he or she is like every day dinnerware scraped and put into the dishwasher where he or she is battered with chemicals and hard spray? Perhaps he or she sits in the sink for days on end waiting for someone to come, wash, and give loving care? Or, do you treat him or her with care and concern as a family heirloom of fine China so as not to damage the plate in order for it to last a lifetime? We may not always be treated like we desire, but we must treat others, specifically spouses and significant others, as we would like to be treated. Please do not let your relationship be casual. It is not easy, but it is worth working for the greatest things in life with your spouse!

When I look up the word fidelity in the thesaurus in WORD, I find these words listed:  loyalty, faithfulness, reliability, trustworthiness, dependability, devotion, commitment, conformity. Before looking at your spouse to see how he or she falls into these categories, please look in the mirror and ask this of yourself. And, NEVER place blame on the other. It is so difficult to do, but it hurts so much.

May you grow in the garden together! Happy Gardening!

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from WRDW

Yes, I am a proud mother today. We must be careful when we choose our battles as in when speaking up about something or when some injustice we feel is taking place. We must understand the consequences and know that there will always be someone with a different viewpoint. We must know what to say and how exactly to say it. I try to see things from more than one side but I still have my own opinions. Good and moral values are something I would think most people would want for their children, but the way of the world is quickly turning another way. It is not a secret that I am not a fan of FB—I cannot even write the name anymore. I guess this story tells just why I do not like it. If you have not read the first posting, please stop now and read Honor and Respect – Part 1 first.

During the funeral procession Thursday, a FB friend of my daughters (plural-a girl they went to high school with) was not just complaining about the traffic–that it was only one officer and that he was not even on duty when he was shot–she did not see the sense in all of the cars and all. She just wanted to get to class so she could get “some knowledge.” I guess she has had her ears plugged into something other than the news of any form for the past several days and did not hear all of the announcements about the funeral route. My daughters commented that he died in the line of duty whether he was on the clock or not and the funeral was to show him respect-much more eloquent words than I can give here. I guess that hit a nerve with her and she began to attack my daughters. It was nasty.

Given my previous posting and all of what we have been going through, my daughters were hurt when she started saying these things and accusing them of things. She also accused the law enforcement community of making a big deal of the processional because they wanted more money for all of their “stations” and that no one seemed to care about a woman who was murdered a few weeks ago. Yes, and I have some lovely beachfront property I would like to sell…     What hurt the most was how many people liked what this FB friend was saying and urging her to attack my daughters and the police even more-it was like a gang type thing going on. I wanted to know why she was considered a friend and then proceeded to dig into some of her info. Number one, she was arrested earlier this year for shoplifting (not local). If I had to guess from the info, it was with a ring of girls—just guessing here. She seems to have also developed a very close relationship with the cannabis plant I mentioned back a couple of posts ago. In essence, she is part of the element that law enforcement officers have to deal with on a daily basis. Oh, and she has over a 1000 friends on FB if that says anything.

I am proud of my daughters not because that they spoke up but for what they had to say and how they said it. We had some very nice discussions, too. We talked about how hard it is to stand up for something when you sometimes feel that you are standing alone. We discussed how many people may follow blindly behind someone but it does not make that person any more right. And, we talked about how people listen to the loudest person shouting but that doesn’t mean they are right either. So very many people, especially younger adults, have absolutely no respect for anyone but themselves-that me-me-me attitude. And, people who do not know any better teach others to not have respect. It is much like what I used to say many years ago – ignorance breeds stupidity. That is the scary part considering the fate of the world. Maybe if people had more respect for others, JD would still be alive today. By the way, on further investigation into what really preceded JD’s murder, the woman with the shooter seems to have played a bigger part than first thought-not that she fired the rifle-but that she was responsible for the fight and did some things that have shown how truly selfish she is. I think the shooter could not deal with her, but this is only guessing. He is still responsible for his actions.

So, while the pages where HONOR and RESPECT have been torn out of the dictionary, I am glad that there are still people are trying to tape them back in. That brings a little peace to my soul and I cannot express how proud I am. Teaching a child to ride a bike is not easy sometimes. You constantly go over the basics and work through it with them until finally you are walking along with them holding on and then off they go riding away with no help. Yes, I am a proud mom today. Doing the right thing is not always easy, but it is what we are called to do.

Happy Gardening and may we learn to show respect to others even when we think they do not deserve it!

My apologies for bogging down. I have to get through this and it is not easy. Thank you for all for your thoughts and prayers. We will get through it. It will just take time. Take care!

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I was so sorry to hear of Elizabeth’s Edward’s passing this morning. On one local news channel they were doing a piece about her and her cancer without mentioning that she had passed away while another local channel was covering the story up-to-date. I wondered just how long it would be before her death since the news broke that she would not be receiving any more cancer treatments, but I had no idea that it would be this short. I never met the lady and cannot testify to her character, good and/or bad, but she was an inspiration to so many women across the globe, in the face of cancer, then remission, then cancer again, and then on top of all that (if this was not enough) she faced not only her husband’s affair, then tape(s?) of said “lovemaking”, and then a child born of this union. The cancer is more than one should face. The affair is more than one should face. But, BOTH!?! REALLY!?!? It is not fair! We know life is not fair, but this lady could not get a break. And, do not even think of telling me that her husband was weak, blah, blah, blah; or it’s not his fault, blah, blah, blah….

A few days ago, I blogged about marriage infidelity (DEC 1: Paper Plates and Fine China; Fidelity – Infidelity). That posting is only the tip of the iceberg. Spouses that stray never consider what they do to their marriage partners. They only see what is in it for them whether a long “romance” or a sudden lack of discretion in the form of good judgment. As long as we are married, it should never be about one spouse over the other-we are in it together. Sure, we have to have separate lives, but that does not mean that we live separately. We cannot make it about ME, ME, ME. We have to put the other person first. It is easy to let one’s guard down; easy to be caught up in a whirlwind relationship that begins so innocent… Nothing is innocent. That is a given. Love between a married couple is so important, but commitment is the basis to which we should cling-always! And, keeping one’s guard up means guarding against putting one’s spouse and relationship at risk. Why would anyone do this? I know the answer, but we keep doing it knowing what is right and wrong like we just don’t care! This is not a game! We are not living a soap opera or some type of drama. If we would just exercise better self-control and give more attention to our spouses and relationships! Commitment, PEOPLE!!!!!

I am upset that Elizabeth Edward’s life was cut short due to the cancer that had ravaged her body. I sometimes wonder if she could have overcome this had she not been put in such a horrible situation where her mate (spouse) was not there through thick and thin but was off having fun at her expense. I’m having a hard time not hating men right now-a really hard time. I know women are also to blame, but there is such an acceptance that is Ok for a man….. Bull! As human’s we should love and care for one another. As marriage partners, we should honor our commitments to the letter. And, for those who believe that affairs do not count unless one (two) has sex, think again. Anyone or anything that you allow to come before and/or between your wife/husband is an affair. We have to treat each other as the most treasured items. Anything else is not acceptable.

So, here’s to Elizabeth! May she never suffer any more pain at the hand of anyone else or her body! She led a brave fight, and we could all learn from her, even men.

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Let me state that I am not a believer in non-monogamous relationships. I believe that we as humans can rise above our animalistic behaviors if we commit to our spouse (or significant other) and focus on our own behavior. Today, I want to write about marriage. People get married for several reasons, but too often I hear about one or both of the spouses “straying away” for even more reasons. Some of those are, “I was at a point of weakness…”; “This woman just turned me on and I lost all control…”; “It started as an innocent friendship…”; “My spouse has lost interest in sex…”; “He does not love me anymore…”; and on and on and on. Sure, we all have those times of temptations, but we should be able to get through them without entering into a sexual relationship with someone other than our spouse. To turn away from a spouse does not always mean that one is having a sexual relationship. It can be an innocent friendship at first. We all need someone to confide in; hopefully that is a spouse. When it isn’t, problems can arise and rightly so. I am not saying that everything has to be shared with a spouse, but when a couple cannot confide in each other as best friends then there may be some problems. So, how do we avoid an infidelity situation? There is not one blanket cure-all or prevention vaccine, but there are some well-written books that have helped couples find their way back to each other though I do not want to recommend any one particular book here at this time.

Trust is the one thing that cannot be lost. If trust is lost or battered, a relationship is in jeopardy. So many times we want to blame the situation on the other person, but we must realize that we have an equal part in it. I cannot speak for infidelity, as to how to repair the relationship completely, but the one who has strayed has to show sorrow for their actions and the other must learn to forgive completely. The two must enter into a new relationship, one that aims at NOT focusing on what was before but focusing on what is to come. Too often we concentrate on the way it used to be, and we try so hard to get that ‘feeling’ back. We cannot return to the way it was-not completely, but both can try to work together to forge a new relationship-an even better and stronger relationship. But, (you knew I was going to say it) it requires WORK from both sides!

One thing that I have seen that has worked but may not work in every couple is that the one who “strayed” sees and understands the hurt he or she has caused the other person. This experience happens because of love, a selfless love. He or she seeks forgiveness and the other one forgives. Those who have suffered a casualty and made it back with a true healthy relationship have gone through this and live as one. To be honest, I do not know many people who make a comeback with a strong relationship because much too often, one or the other is not willing to work at the marriage to overcome the problems. It takes TWO willing to become ONE. I say it is akin to paper plates and treasured china. China can be repaired, and with tender loving care can last a lifetime; however, paper plates are disposable and may not be a dime a dozen anymore but will not last. Our relationships should be like that of fine China. Each one should treat the other as the most treasured ‘possession’ in the world. Their relationship together is supreme.

Not long ago, there was a couple who seemed to have a wonderful marriage, but secrets were held dearly to the man’s heart. His wife discovered that he had entered into sexual relationships with other women while they were married. The woman was hurt to find out about this but was hurt even more when the man was not willing to try and salvage their marriage. In essence, he was not sorry for his straying. He wanted it to be her fault for her leaving him. Personally, I believe the woman would have forgiven him and they could have moved on because she has so much love to give, but the man wanted other things and it wasn’t about putting effort into the marriage to help heal it. I have watched as this couple separated and then divorced. It is so sad, especially to see one wanting to work on the marriage and the other not – just like throwing that paper plate into the trash can. Sad to say, but I believe divorce is best for the woman because I think she is better without him because I do not think he can be trusted. What a sad situation!

So, is your significant other and marriage partner a valuable piece of fine, irreplaceable China or a paper plate? It is all about how we treat others. Do you treat him or her like a paper plate? Maybe he or she is like every day dinnerware scraped and put into the dishwasher where he or she is battered with chemicals and hard spray? Perhaps he or she sits in the sink for days on end waiting for someone to come, wash, and give loving care? Or, do you treat him or her with care and concern as a family heirloom of fine China so as not to damage the plate in order for it to last a lifetime? We may not always be treated like we desire, but we must treat others, specifically spouses and significant others, as we would like to be treated. Please do not let your relationship be casual. It is not easy, but it is worth working for the greatest things in life with your spouse!

When I look up the word fidelity in the thesaurus in WORD, I find these words listed:  loyalty, faithfulness, reliability, trustworthiness, dependability, devotion, commitment, conformity. Before looking at your spouse to see how he or she falls into these categories, please look in the mirror and ask this of yourself. And, NEVER place blame on the other. It is so difficult to do, but it hurts so much.

May you grow in the garden together! Happy Gardening!

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Friend Me!

Surely you have heard these words, “Friend me,” and more than likely you have a Facebook account. We are an interesting species. We want to have friends, searching for that attachment with others yet we want to be individually different in order to stand out. While promoting relationships seems to be a good thing for all of us, most social networking sites are promotional propaganda that we seem to just buy into over and over. In other words, it is all about money and what others can get out of it. Varying websites have their own forums and ways to link people together while setting those who are different apart. I’m not sure that this is such a good thing.

People want to have individual ideas and thoughts to set them apart, but the more we ‘friend others’ the more we become alike and the less we stand out. Peer pressure plays a part in this, and this is not paranoia speaking; it is psychology. I am not against having friends, but it seems that the definition of friendship is being redefined through our social networks. Being a true friend means that one is often willing to forgo selfish things in order to put a friend first. The road goes both ways. While I am willing to do whatever is needed for a friend, I know I can count of them, too. I cannot speak for everyone, but many of these network friends are only connected for selfish reasons. This is not a friend. There is a big difference between knowing someone as an acquaintance and having a friend.

No, I do not particularly like Facebook and some of the other social networks. For one thing, I like to have that one-on-one contact (face-to-face) with people. I think we are losing our social skills because of our interactions through the internet (email, ims, text messaging, tweets, etc). Emicons or emoticons and such will not replace actual facial expressions or voice reflection. So often, it is the personal contact that makes the differece. And, we are forgetting what true friends are. We seem to be losing the depth of friendship, and I am concerned that we are becoming more callous and act with less empathy because of our increasing dependence on other forms of communication. This is dangerous in the “ME, ME, ME” world that we are in today.

When speaking about not having a Facebook account because I like other ways to communicate and the fact that I do not like how people and companies collect personal and non-personal information from the internet, someone told me that only people who have something to hide are the ones who do not have a Facebook account. What? How shallow was that? I don’t feel that I have anything to hide where this other person has a good bit. We should always be careful when we assume we know what is going on with someone else, and in order to have friends, we must BE a friend-a good one. Good words to live by.

Happy Gardening!

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