Posts Tagged ‘self-control’

Art is said to imitate life. Such examples exist of present, past, and future. We also use it to give a more accurate representation of past events using exaggerated means.


In the movie, Tora, Tora, Tora, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto was credited as saying,


I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.


No record was ever found that he actually said this but given the totality of what Pearl Harbor led to, it’s not out of the question that this sentiment was at the least considered by some. To me, it serves as a reminder of what we should contemplate as in the ramifications of war before we engage. Diplomacy goes a lot farther than slaughtering others.


No one wins at war. No. Our president and many others are wrong. Many want war because they have invested heavily in weapons of war. We have learned nothing from the past 50 years it seems. I want to be very clear in my views of war on terror. There is no winning. There is no end. It becomes a circle and in the end we stoop to their level and become nothing more than the extremist.


I have been horrified of how low we are willing to go in the world. Was I horrified at the chemical weapons used on the Syrian people? Of course I am just as I have been. I have also been enraged at all of the civilian causalities we have caused with our presence on foreign soils…all of the drone strikes…and depleted uranium ordinance – which by the way is a war crime.


I needed to write this. I want my view out there but my apologies for my mistakes. I am not doing well but with any luck, I hope to improve.


Happy Gardening! No matter how bad it is, there is sunshine somewhere. 🙂


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I’ve tried to hold back but I can’t. I am not one who gets offended at everything said on TV, the internet, or in real life. Most of the time, I let it go and try not to pay attention to it. It’s not my business-to police the public.


I have done my share of washing out my children’s mouths with soap. It’s a terrible way to parent really but I saw it as a necessity-immediate and to the point. I hear my ‘mom of the year’ award crashing to the floor again. 😉


Soap worked. After the girls had moved away from home, one daughter was telling me a story about something-I have no clue right now. It involved a curse word and it was imperative for the understanding of the story. I had no idea what she was talking about even with her little hints so I said, “Just say it.” She refused and said I would reprimand her or wash out her mouth. I assured her I would not but she was convinced I was laying a trap. I really wasn’t laying a trap but it’s good to know something stuck with them. LOL. Parenting. It’s fun, yes? 🙂


I think someone should have washed out Donald Trump’s mouth or someone should do it now. I would offer my services but I am scared he would bite me-my shots aren’t up to date. Some things are not to be said in public and some things are never to be said EVER. Yeah, he crossed that line more than once.


Do you ever wonder what types of role models we are helping to support for our kids and the next generations? Are they the loudest people in the room who have never a worry about consequences or are they the ones with good judgment and common sense?


I have seen awful things in this election. I have heard unbelievable talk. I am left to wonder if moms and dads used enough soap when their children were young.


NOTE:  I don’t advocate the use of soap as a punishment. 🙂


Happy Gardening! 😀

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I love free speech. It is one of the rights I think is vital to democracy but free speech brings consequences and requires the use of respect and tact unless that is what one is about—to stir up trouble. I don’t want to stir up trouble and my blog is not a democracy. It is a way for me to speak freely.


Rules… mine… Yes, we are to that point again. Sorry.


I will not be ridiculed or told that I am not a true Christian/believer or that I’m headed to hell or whatever people decide they want to JUDGE me about. If you leave me a comment that I don’t like for whatever reason, I reserve the right not to publish your comment. Simple, right? 🙂 You may use the same wordpress feature on your blog. 😉


If your comment involves you thinking that I am lost or at a lower position than you in the spiritual realm and you think you need to quote me some Bible scripture to lead me to the right path (and please remember I was a student of the Bible—I’ve actually read and studied the Bible), then you need not write the comment. I was a teacher in another life (actually this one but it’s a joke I’m not sure everyone will get) and since it is my blog, I am in charge… 🙂


I ask for people to be nice. I respect others and speak out about things I want to improve. If you disagree with me, that’s fine. I’ll even discuss things with you if you have an open mind. But… remember…

Your path=your journey

My path=my journey

It’s simple. I will not be an enabler for self-righteous dominance and will not promote violence nor bigotry. I’m trying to be nice, but these are my rules…again. 😐


I guess people don’t understand what I wrote in my prayer. I’m not hurt by words that are slung at me—well, I was a bit put off when a person said to go _(blank)_ myself out of the blue the other day. I’m hurt because of the way people are treating others specifically people who are calling themselves Christians treating others as they are not good enough. What would Jesus do???


I think people have become so obsessed with the interpretations from others, maybe themselves too, about the Revelation to John that they forget the true words Jesus spoke. If you are a Christian and you do not honor the greatest commandment, believe me when I say that nothing…NOTHING…else matters.


That battle you are arming yourself for means nothing if you do not honor the greatest commandment.


Why isn’t this being taught in churches and Bible studies? This is what people need to ask themselves in church. Why are people so hell-bent on trying to see when the end is nigh? Are you really that scared of the end or are you waiting for the time so you can watch the non-believers perish in the sea of hellfire?


If the message you are receiving preaches non-love then it isn’t of Jesus, now is it?


Try reading the part about the wolves in sheep’s clothing…that’s a tell that you need to watch out for.


Now for the kicker. I don’t believe in a hell of eternal damnation. It doesn’t mean I’m going to said place and it doesn’t mean that I’m any less of a Christian. This is between me and my God. You might think all of this is a little harsh but I am tired of being judged and I’m really tired of people either telling me to go to hell or that I am going to hell. That isn’t nice. I try to include all people but there are so many who are trying their best to exclude. I’m trying to respect your beliefs but you must respect mine.


For those who do not believe in Christianity, that’s great. I’m fine with it but I feel your pain and I am truly sorry that there are people who will judge you. I really am here to build gates and bridges that connect people, not walls and fences that divide us. My beliefs are a bit different than a lot of people but it doesn’t make me better or more accurate and it sure doesn’t make me inaccurate (wrong). 🙂


Have a great start to your week and may your gardens grow with kindness to each and every one! 🙂

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Society is messed up. Rather than giving respect to each other, we sexualize individuals–men cat call women as they walk by and it is supposed to be ok. Married men ogle women (other than their wife) and think thoughts they shouldn’t but excuse it because they say it is natural. They think it is ok as long as they don’t act on those thoughts.


Guess what—it’s not ok. And, you know why, because we have been giving a pass and excusing that behavior for far too long. We accept it because we think men are different but they aren’t different—not that much anyway. Women have the same thoughts and desires that men do but we are taught to control our desires.


I don’t mean to overgeneralize but society is suffering and we are paying a high price. Why do you think there is so much divorce? I have had to explain what love is more times that I care to think about in the past few months so somewhere the message isn’t getting out. Too many men (sorry, those are the individuals I talk to the most) are after gratification of self and not interested in pleasing their partner first if at all. When I mention that they should desire to give and please the other, it is like a foreign language to them. We are flunking when teaching how to love in relationships.


Many people are not interested in a relationship. They would rather hook-up for a one-night stand and have no responsibilities and continue this type of hook-up. Don’t blame any one group because we are all to blame. Repressing sexual feelings isn’t the way to go either. We need to learn self-discipline and respect. I don’t want us to control morality per se but I wish people would quit being so selfish.


Love is something more than a sexual feeling. It is more than a fleeting moment. Someone told me this week that he had a girlfriend and that when she gained weight, he didn’t love her anymore. (eye roll) I told him that he didn’t love her to begin with if he didn’t love her after she gained the weight because looks do not define love. Again, it was as if I were speaking in another language with what seems to me as common sense.


There was a couple in the 1960s who loved each other and wanted to marry but they couldn’t because they were not of the same race. In Virginia, it wasn’t done—there was a law. They challenged the courts and won. I wrote about this earlier this year. (link)


Mixed race isn’t anything these days to most people but as luck would have it a woman on FB made a comment this week about interracial marriage—that it was wrong because in the Bible it says to keep the races pure—that is what she said. I kid you not. She really believes this but she also hates many groups of people…actually she hates everyone who is different from her. She doesn’t hide it.


Well, we are all going to hell if you believe this because we have been mixing races since the beginning of time… I no more believe this poppycock than believing I will have 4 wisdom teeth to show up this year—and I only had 2 to start with.


She believes in the Bible and she peddles her thoughts freely on FB. What can I say? She thinks that the children of a certain couple that consisted of a white man and black woman will be of a race God didn’t intend to exist. I hang my head in shame.


Race has no difference. We are not a different species…we are all humans. The differences we see come from the type of melanin in the pigment of skin. Science is showing us that we all originated on the African continent. I don’t want to be the one to tell this lady that but she wouldn’t believe me anyway. She denies so much. It isn’t good to hide your head in the sand.


All of this isn’t about one person and her views. Her argument was the same argument given in the lower courts for the Loving case that the US Supreme Court overturned in 1967. The judge said that God put races on different continents for a reason and they were to never mix. This is being taught in some churches today. This isn’t someone coming up with this on their own. I even heard it when I was growing up—some of the older people would say it—not in my family but older people in the community. This is a problem just like people not understanding what love is. These are societal problems. They are things that we can help improve.


We preoccupy ourselves with drama from other things in life but we don’t address the real problems. Why don’t people love others without condition? Why don’t we put our children first? Why don’t we care about one another?


These are the simple things I care about. Life is not complicated when you look at it through the eyes of love. Simple… We need to work on society.


Please get involved. Show what you are made of. Don’t hate and don’t judge. Just love others.


Happy Friday! 🙂



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Words are used for many things but mostly we converse with words. Sometimes we use words for good but words are also used to hurt. It is unfortunate that we do such.


If I were to call you a liberal, would that offend you? What if I were to use the words…conservative, moderate, right-wing, evangelical? What about left-wing, spineless, weak, idiot? Well, what about feminist? 🙂 Why does anyone want to label another? I haven’t a clue actually other than to make someone feel inferior.


Today, I had the opportunity to give an account of some things that have happened in my life. It wasn’t planned. I don’t like to be called names. I think it devalues a person’s worth. Some people call me a feminist. Well, I guess I am to the extent that I advocate for women but I don’t see myself as one. I do have an advantage in that respect…I am a woman, lol. 😀


Story…Let’s say you have been raped and you tell someone but they don’t believe you. You tell someone else and they don’t believe you either. They say you are making it up…that you desire attention and just want to get someone in trouble. They ask for proof. You have none. They say, “No proof…then it didn’t happen.” Now, let’s say this event happened over 20 years ago. 


  • Does time erase the crime? Nope.
  • Does time make it so that it doesn’t exist? Nope.
  • People say that surely you are over it, right? You never get over something like that.
  • And, why wouldn’t you come forth when it happened? It doesn’t matter what your reason is.


For those of you who have never experienced rape, let me just say that for me, I felt devalued. I felt dirty, ashamed. I was told it was my fault by my attacker. Again, I know it wasn’t but rape doesn’t make sense. It is a power play and a control issue.


A certain writer did a piece about rape and the comments began. I could not believe the number of people (men) who judged the person that was being discussed saying that her story wasn’t credible. I found it credible but then again I have had weird things happen to me. The commenters made it sound like rape was nothing and that a man who has been falsely accused has a worse time than a woman who has been raped. I am not going to argue that false allegations do not happen. False allegations hurt everyone and I even said such but the words that came back…well, they cut like a knife. They were hurtful. The people were not interested in furthering the discussion or finding a solution or making the problem better. They just wanted to show their power. Gag me. Yuck.


Some guy told me that we should arm women on campus to stop rape—I rolled my eyes and asked if he really thought arming everyone was the answer. Another person mentioned the Duke Lacrosse allegations and how that played out. Another belittled me and told me I shouldn’t write on the subject after he decried several instances of blaming women, said some nasty things and then called me name (eye roll).


In the end, the writer thanked me for my thoughtful contributions. The person knew it was a bit rough for me. One of my comments was featured with the article which means a lot to me. I was advocating for respect of all people and to discuss and not tear at each other. Oh, btw, the writer is a man. 😉


Sometimes it takes courage to speak up for the injustices in the world but it also takes wisdom to know how to control one’s feelings and not lash out so that people will understand the true message. Something I didn’t consider at the time was the people who read the comments and don’t say anything…those who have suffered and cannot speak out. The writer brought that up when we talked and that is why I blog and work so hard in making my views known because deep down I know I’m not alone in what I have experienced nor in what I believe. We need to remember to extend a hand and show love and compassion and for goodness sakes, quit calling people names.


Happy Gardening! 🙂



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Over the past several years I have written quite a bit about love. This is the week of love…usually the romantic kind given that Valentine’s Day is almost here.



It’s the first time that I feel free to be me without any ties to anyone. No one has a claim to me. My divorce isn’t finalized but I have moved on and am ok…except there isn’t anyone to open wine bottles (jokingly). I guess I don’t miss cleaning up after a man and making sure his laundry is done, meals are prepared, his bills are paid, and millions of other things. I rejoice in this freedom. I still want a partner—a lover if you will—but I’m not going to shrink and blow away if it doesn’t happen. But that’s me. I’m still interested in the opposite sex but I don’t like to be treated badly and I keep choosing guys who use me and abuse me. I suck in that department. I should have gone for an arranged marriage 😀 (just kidding).


  • Warning…I am going to lose some readers today and that is ok…not really but I can deal with it. The Christian Bible says quite a few things but the one thing Christians believe or should believe is what Jesus taught and that is to love.


Back to loving someone. Do we know what love is? Have you ever been in love—not sexual infatuation but love that will stand the test of time? If you find that person and love them and they love you, wouldn’t you want to be married? Don’t you want that for your children and grandchildren? Don’t you want them to be happy? I sure do. I want my children to be as happy as they can be and if they came to me and said they are in love with someone…and want to marry…I will give them my blessing and wish them the best no matter who they are. It can be someone who is the same nationality or another race…or of another faith. It is their life and choosing marriage means that they are willing to enter into a commitment with that other person and vice versa. And, I will do this even if it is a same sex individual…


Let me make that clear…if one (or both) of my children comes to me and says that they want to marry someone of the same sex, I will accept it and rejoice.


  • Have I lost my mind? No.
  • Does this go against my beliefs? No.
  • Does it go against the Christian Bible? Well, that’s where you need to read and pray and do quite a bit of real soul searching.


I used to believe that it was a sin to be gay…that was the way I was raised but did you know it is a sin to lie, murder, steal, cheat, and do so many things? So…if marriage is the sacrament of love…and Jesus endorsed marriage or that’s the way Christians look at it and that it is the union where two people pledge their hearts to each other and their lives to each other as the covenant with God and his love, don’t you think God would want people–no matter their racial or religious orientation or even their sexual orientation–to enter into a covenant with the person they love and with him? I do. 🙂


Think about it for a minute. I have just read comment after comment where people professing their belief in God saying that Alabama should deny same sex marriage… That in itself is one thing but I have read some awful and very hateful comments so bad that I have cried. It hurts dang it! ..to hear what people say about others… I can’t help but think what we do to others when we say things like that…why are we so dang mean? If you are a Christian, think about how you treat others. Is it loving in a way that Jesus loved or is it mean-spirited and hateful? I personally think that if Jesus were alive today, we would be very surprised–I really do. We are to love with no reservations. You cannot say I love so-and-so but I can’t love so-and-so because he or she is ‘gay.’ We cannot love others while dividing them and categorizing them. Can’t be done. It is all or nothing.


We don’t get to pick and choose who we love. We must love all—period! You may not agree—that’s your prerogative. I have watched people who say they are Christians and do everything in their power to push people out of the church because they were not clean enough or they were not rich enough or they were not intelligent enough…that they were the wrong color, from the wrong side of town, etc. I have watched as my church took women out of their positions because the men in power were sexist and would not let the women serve on Sunday morning. Women in the men’s opinion must do all of the work and be hidden…and this comes from a progressive faith that has a woman as its general minister. So, I have seen the worst of Christians who talk bad about other religions. While none of us is perfect, we must accept others as they are. We cannot change them to meet our expectations because we are all flawed.


To those who are not Christian—of some other faith or of no faith—I hope you understand where I am coming from. And, to all…I have stepped back from my roots to see where I should be and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. I still believe in a creator—a God but the God I pray to is the same God I have always prayed to and he/she/it (I don’t believe God has a sex but we won’t go there) is more of a universal God. In other words, he/she/it is who we need ‘him’ to be. I don’t can’t believe that there is one religion that is right–I’m sorry but that is my conclusion from all of my studying and praying and everything…I just cannot believe anyone is right making everyone else wrong. Hey, if I’m wrong–so be it. I want everyone to have a voice and have the freedom to believe in the faith that is important to them. Spirituality is important to me. Discipline is important. There are things I like about various religions…the commonality of helping others, loving, being humble…all of these matter…respect for each other and respect for our Earth. 🙂


So, this long post is really about same-sex marriage. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kind of difficult to embrace but I just know that we cannot divide people according to what we believe or what we think we believe. We cannot deny others what most of us strive to have. This is not a recent revelation for me. I have been trying to write something about this for an awful long time. My holdback is mostly because we see things as a sexual nature. We are sexual animals at times and we really need to exercise some brain power and self-control.


Love isn’t about sex. Yeah, I know people who don’t believe that but it’s not. If you get married because of sex, there are going to be problems down the road. Our world is preoccupied with the subject. You can’t turn on a tv in the US and not see some type of sexual connotation whether it is advertisements or shows. It’s everywhere. Sexual intimacy isn’t bad. I don’t mean to make it the bad thing of this but when we are hooking up with others not because we love someone but just to satisfy our urges, then we have problems. Again, my opinion but it’s gotten out of hand.


Love is giving of oneself—it is unselfish—it is so much but when it becomes selfish and about self-gratification first and foremost, you need to do something to save your marriage if it’s possible.


I apologize that this was a rushed post but I feel compelled to say this. I know it is not a topic that you want to hear but it’s what needs to be said. Some will dismiss me and say that I am a lost sheep or that I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing or something. That’s fine. I accept it because I know people are not going to embrace this. Heck, it has taken losing my husband and watching him throw our marriage away and throw away a chance at making a family for his son with the son’s mother and so much more that I have experienced and witnessed in my journey. Peace is what we should be searching for and the only way to have peace is to have love. 🙂


May your gardens grow full of love yielding years of happiness! Wishing you much love… 🙂

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In the blame game that we seem to constantly play I ask you, “Who do you think is to blame if I choose not to wash my clothes? Can I blame my neighbors or maybe my daughter or how about my cat?” That’s a good one! 😀

No. The only one responsible is ME!

“What if I CHOOSE not to have my children vaccinated against a disease that has been mostly eradicated? Can I blame the pediatrician? Maybe the person who gave my child the disease? Who is to blame? I know…my ex-mother-in-law…” 😀

I don’t like playing blame games but we really need to become responsible and wisen up to things that are happening around us. I cannot fathom what people will choose to believe or not believe. Maybe it’s the nature of the internet—I don’t believe that. We have the responsibility to learn what is correct. This is not brain surgery or nuclear fusion (or other complex facet of science).


wikimedia – By Uwe Hermann (http://hermann-uwe.de/photoblog/sugar) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

My parents remarked about the wonders of modern medicine because they saw the terrible diseases or heard first-hand about them. They praised vaccines. I was vaccinated for smallpox (3 times), polio, tetanus, typhoid–those are the ones I remember. I caught measles, mumps, and chicken pox and I remember when the community came together to take the polio vaccine–cubes of sugar were on serving plates and people were lined up to get into the old school building. My best friend thought she would take several cubes because they tasted so good, lol. Later, I had my children vaccinated all except for chicken pox—they caught it before the vaccine was widely available.


It’s one thing to guard against the unknown—holding a constant vigil—but it is another to choose not to protect against what is known. I have a problem with this. There are many who cannot be vaccinated because of medical reasons—basically either suppressed immune systems or those that are developing. Some are allergic to what is in the vaccine but there have been changes in this area. Who would risk someone else’s life because they are too righteous—think too highly of their own life? Should we not think of others, too? To believe that it is better to get a disease than to be vaccinated–I can understand this point a view in a way but what happens when you don’t develop an immunity to a disease? This is part of history–civilizations have been all but eliminated because people didn’t have immunity. 


Here is where the anti-vaccine followers received fuel for their fires. A doctor/researcher had a hand in fraudulent data linking autism to the vaccine known as MMR. Problem 1:  His results that he claimed could never be repeated—not in any form or even close—but that did not stop this doctor/researcher. As the blaming community became a bigger thing, parents wanted to crucify someone and he was only happy to help. It was later discovered there were selfish and nefarious reasons behind his quest but unlike many studies that are filed away and forgotten, this guy’s work still has an effect because people have used this information to start more fires and yet his work has been removed and his credentials revoked. It is synonymous to repeating a lie often enough that people believe the lie.


The parents who are not getting their children vaccinated are not the ones who are poor or do not know better…many of them are very affluent and choose this lifestyle. You can’t just point fingers at a certain group and say they are the conservative ones or liberals or are republicans or democrats. I had someone tell me yesterday that it was all those “organic people”…(shakes head)  One of the biggest problems is that people believe anything they hear or read whether it is in an email or on a news channel or on facebook or other social media. They choose to not question the validity because they believe it has to be true. It is like a cancer that is affecting everything it touches. And, it even affects members of the health community, too. Some doctors tell their patients to not vaccinate their kids. (shakes head again)


Given everything I know, I would rather risk autism (if there were such a link found and there has not been) than to risk my child having the disease or giving it to someone who is in risk that cannot vaccinate. I made that decision a long time ago and have made other risky decisions but I did the best I could for everyone and not just my child.


Have a great day and use that noodle upstairs! 🙂

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It’s time to make a difference…to make your voice heard…it’s time to do something for our EARTH!




How does your garden grow? Are you caring for it? Is it healthy? We all have a stake in the gardens of the world. Doing nothing means choosing to ignore and this inaction is actually detrimental to all of us. It is our responsibility to reach out to each other and make positive gains in taking better care of OUR Earth!!!

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I have taken a hiatus of sorts again—wasn’t planned—I stepped away from the usual everyday things and spent some time with myself. I like doing that to see where I am exactly. I used to stick to a rigid schedule—a timetable for everything.


I believe in speaking out when I see things. That is who I am. I am making progress in taking control of certain areas of my life. We say that half of the battle is in our minds and it is—sometimes I think it is more than half. I am still an activist for certain causes—I don’t think that will change. I have become more vocal but I try to choose my battles and make them few. One area I see as a problem is what we call rape. When I wrote about my coming forward and reaching out to get help recently, I had no idea of the magnitude that rape plays in today’s society as in how much it is in the public eye and how prevalent it really is. I had not heard what all was going on at universities across our nation. There have been incidents of rape on college campuses for years. This includes date rape if you are wondering. These attacks have gone mostly unreported and are still under-reported in my view—I didn’t report my incident that happened on a college campus—I wasn’t raped that time but I was taken advantage of and was almost assaulted by someone I did not know. It should have been reported. I should have done that and given an account of what happened but I was scared just like girls AND guys today are scared to come forward. It isn’t easy to do the right thing because when something happens to you, you become the center of attention for something that is horrible and people will blame ‘you.’


I hope to write a more in-depth post later about a certain woman who appeared on CNN to talk about rape and how she blamed the “victims.” This is why I didn’t report the second incident when I was sexually assaulted. In her eyes, I wasn’t raped. It didn’t matter that I have suffered from it and that it was forced—and I did not give consent. I fought off the person as best I could but I was unsuccessful. In her eyes, I should have just said, “No.” I cannot believe I heard the things that came out of her mouth but this will wait until another time.


Another situation that has been discussed in the news is about women having to get permission from the father to have an abortion…I’m not addressing ‘right to life’ or abortion—we all have our views and that’s fine. However, when interviewed about the bill, the sponsor was critical of women who have been subjected to domestic abuse and said they must get permission from their abuser and possible rapist. If that’s not a bunch of horse hooey I don’t know what is. He said an abortion should happen only when the mother’s life is in danger or when it is a “legitimate” rape. People believe crazy things like that a woman’s body will not allow her to get pregnant if she is “really” raped…that’s about the biggest pile of malarkey I have ever heard. There are plenty of cases this happens where the woman gets pregnant. If she gets pregnant, does that mean it wasn’t a ‘real rape?’ I have some beach front property I would like to sell if you believe this. These people must have flunked biology or something because it only takes an egg and one sperm to make a zygote that leads to a baby, yada, yada. I thought that was simple biology.


I can weigh in on the topic of rape because whether someone believes I was attacked or not, I was legitimately attacked–taken advantage of. Both were scary incidents and the second one still gives me nightmares. There are other times that have scared me but sexual assault is something that doesn’t go away easily. Can you imagine being a woman who has been raped? That’s enough to try to deal with but what happens when you get pregnant by someone who raped you? The abortion bill that was to be decided would require her to PROVE that a LEGITIMATE rape happened–their words. I don’t know about you but if you attack me and I get pregnant—you have no rights to anything about me, my body, children, babies, nothing! You don’t get that right. You gave that up when you took advantage of me. This is where my mom would begin her talk about her belief of sterilization/castration for men who rape 😀 😀 😀 . I carry a lot of my mom in me–both humor and being very serious at times. 😉 I’m so glad she never knew. 🙂


“Candle” by Shawn Carpenter (link) via flickr

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I am a survivor. I’m not a victim. I have been victimized many times but in the end, I survived and I am still surviving. To tell me that people who are sexually assaulted against their will are not victims or have not been victimized…that is wrong…terribly wrong. My heart cries out when those who stand up and call people liars because those people have suffered so greatly. Who are we to allow such?


Look around. What do you see? I still see inequality in so many areas and it stems out of lack of respect for each other. To think I was raped 25 years ago and didn’t come forward because I was scared people would say exactly what that woman on CNN said—that’s a quarter of a century later! We have made leaps and bounds of progress in other areas. Please don’t put us back to prehistoric times. Support survivors whether it is with grief, assault, all types of survivors…illness…PTSD…we need to stand together and not apart. And, please stop this thing about legitimate rape. Rape is rape—forced assault—someone taken advantage of. You can spray cans of sanitizer and perfume and whatever—it doesn’t change the fact of what happened. Reliving that horrid experience over and over is bad enough but making women feel insignificant and without control is not acceptable. After all, that is what sexual assault is about—someone taking from another so that they have control–they want to make the other one weaker.


Let’s support survivors and stop victimizing them. 🙂

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Thanksgiving for us in the States is this week and while everyone seems to insist it will become the first shopping day for Christmas sales, many people are still content on staying out of the stores and at home with loved ones being thankful for what we have together—and not just good food and football 😉 .



Not much to choose from – these are the frozen ones – I chose one of these 🙂 . Maybe it will thaw in time to cook. 😀


For the last few years I have spent Thanksgiving with a friend’s family—big family. The girls and I went the first year their father was out doing his thing with his girlfriend. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with this friend from church for two years and I appreciate it so much but this year my children are all gone and one will be working Thanksgiving and the day after and the day after that so the plan is for me to make a turkey and take it to visit the daughter in town. I haven’t made a turkey in a long while so I hope I can still do it—preferably without burning myself as my Halloween burn is just starting to look pretty decent. 😀


I was reading Barb’s Thanksgiving post (link) when I was reminded of the one holiday that I am so thankful I will NEVER have to repeat and it goes something like this…


When my girls were very young, their other siblings—their father’s first children, came to visit either at Christmas or Thanksgiving—usually Thanksgiving or we would go there. This one year in particular there had been some discussion of us coming up but we couldn’t go for some reason—probably my husband’s work wouldn’t allow it. My husband’s mother wouldn’t have any of it and decided at the last minute to come visit us and bring the tribe with them.


I rearranged some things and cooked for at least 2 days—I made a big turkey and a smoked ham and several side dishes and pies and a cake and such. I made cornbread dressing…with all the fixings, sweet potato casserole, regular potatoes, corn, rolls, etc. and managed to clean and prepare everything even decorating for Christmas…back when it seemed I was Wonder Woman. I had enough food to feed the small army that we would have and all seemed to be going according to plan…except…


My mother-in-law had purchased a turkey and wanted to bring it with her. I kindly refused and thought the situation was remedied but no, it was not. My good old mom-in-law brought Tom Turkey in an ice chest on the twelve plus hour drive—raw, mind you—for me to cook when they arrived. Like I wanted to spend some extra hours cooking another dang bird… She thought it was funny. Well, that didn’t go well. I still say she did on purpose—sabotaging things—she was really good at it and those things that she did really hurt our marriage. I still say I could write a book about her and her ways but let’s just say this…


This thanksgiving I plan to give thanks that I will NEVER ever have to cook for their family again. I have no problem in saying this. It is good therapy. I remember our first Thanksgiving together was when my to-be-husband—my fiancé—took me to visit and meet all of the family before we married. My kind and so thoughtful mother-in-law-to-be allowed me to sleep in the dog bed (bottom bunk)—no, I’m not kidding. It was nasty and I should have gathered exactly what she thought of me back then and got the heck out of Dodge. But, I stuck it out through thick and thin and thinner. I raised two wonderful daughters and I am so very thankful for them today and every day. I regret other choices I have made but I have never regretted my children and never will. I tried in other respects with this family and as usual, nothing was good enough. But, I don’t have to worry about it anymore.


So, when we gather together this week, I will say thanks that I have had enough courage to stand up for what is right and know that I did my best. I will be thankful for the opportunity to do my best through all of the challenges that came to my door. I am thankful for the friends I have, the people I have met along the way—especially the ones who have helped me these last few years. I have had to separate myself from people that have judged me and I am better for it actually. As Bill (link) said this past week/end about Job’s friends…Job’s friends judged Job and were not really friends at all. They came to mock him and watch as he suffered not offering much in support—actually, I think they were waiting for God to strike him down 🙂 . Sometimes we have friends who are like this who gather like vultures and wait. I have lost some friends because of it–not everyone is your friend and has your back.


As for my children and their grandparents and family…their grandparents don’t have anything to do with the girls since they have not given them any great grandchildren. I’m shocked at their behavior and can only teach my children to act better and to try and forgive. I wish for my girls to have better family than this.


May your Thanksgiving be everything you want it to be and may you have everything you need. I give thanks for you all.

 Happy Thanksgiving!


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