A broken heart

The death of Debbie Reynolds the day after the unexpected death of her daughter, Carrie Fisher has been blamed on a broken heart but there are those who question if something like this is even possible. It is possible especially if you are older and not in the best of health. What we feel—pain—it is very real. It can outweigh physical pain easily and in itself cause physical harm. Our bodies can only take so much trauma before it kicks back.

 

My 4^th great grandmother on my mom’s side died this way. It was recorded in a journal kept by a farmer in the community that both she and her husband had been sick—most likely influenza. The family story that has been handed down through the years is that he passed away first and as she lay with him, she wished to die and did so on Christmas Eve just after the US Civil War. They were buried together in a single grave—very fitting from what I understand as a testament of their love for each other.

 

This interview done last year was one of the best in my opinion for Carrie Fisher and Gary–I love Gary too. Both actresses will be missed.

 

 

A broken heart is very real. Be good to yourself and Happy Gardening! 🙂

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Important Things

Simon

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Sacrifice and Love

Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.

 

I really didn’t understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didn’t always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.

 

I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriately—how to withhold “rewards” much like someone withholding love. That’s what happened in my first marriage—love was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionally—another dangerous place to be. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.

 

It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I don’t think I can. It’s difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that way—that the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things don’t always work out that way, but I wasn’t taught that. In fact, I don’t have a STOP button on me. Moving on.

 

Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But … it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a child’s hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and love—romantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.

 

I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to fall in love again—well, not anytime soon. And, I was doing good—fairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasn’t easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against it—I didn’t want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. It’s hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. Hmmm…a tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesn’t have a happy ending.

 

It’s funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we don’t even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mate—a significant other. I want to believe but … love and me … well, we don’t see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I don’t know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isn’t really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.

 

I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I don’t know. It’s hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I don’t want someone to sacrifice for me—to lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.

 

I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun sets—to be there for each other no matter what. That’s my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.

Boy, that part hurts.

 

May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening! 🙂

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Ok, this hits home…

From Facebook

 

This church was vandalized last night. It sits a block down the street—the same street—from my church. Why would someone do this? Oh, because the minister is a little different…he was the first one to get a marriage license in Augusta after SSM became legal.

 

Don’t tell me that this is ok. It isn’t. No one has the right to do this. The persons responsible did not have love in their heart and they did it under the cover of darkness because they wanted no one to see them. The minister has asked for prayers for the people who did this. I concur but also ask for prayers for the community and communities all across this nation. No one is better than another–no one.

 

People will know us by the fruits of our actions. Always look for the fruit. It will tell you everything.

 

Love humbly. 🙂

 

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I have a dream…

Lots to say but this is what I want to share…

The other day for my daughter’s birthday, we finally got to see the movie, Inside Out. It was great but what I really loved was the short shown before…this is just the music from it but I love it…hehe…

 

😀

 

I lava this….. 🙂

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Society

Society is messed up. Rather than giving respect to each other, we sexualize individuals–men cat call women as they walk by and it is supposed to be ok. Married men ogle women (other than their wife) and think thoughts they shouldn’t but excuse it because they say it is natural. They think it is ok as long as they don’t act on those thoughts.

 

Guess what—it’s not ok. And, you know why, because we have been giving a pass and excusing that behavior for far too long. We accept it because we think men are different but they aren’t different—not that much anyway. Women have the same thoughts and desires that men do but we are taught to control our desires.

 

I don’t mean to overgeneralize but society is suffering and we are paying a high price. Why do you think there is so much divorce? I have had to explain what love is more times that I care to think about in the past few months so somewhere the message isn’t getting out. Too many men (sorry, those are the individuals I talk to the most) are after gratification of self and not interested in pleasing their partner first if at all. When I mention that they should desire to give and please the other, it is like a foreign language to them. We are flunking when teaching how to love in relationships.

 

Many people are not interested in a relationship. They would rather hook-up for a one-night stand and have no responsibilities and continue this type of hook-up. Don’t blame any one group because we are all to blame. Repressing sexual feelings isn’t the way to go either. We need to learn self-discipline and respect. I don’t want us to control morality per se but I wish people would quit being so selfish.

 

Love is something more than a sexual feeling. It is more than a fleeting moment. Someone told me this week that he had a girlfriend and that when she gained weight, he didn’t love her anymore. (eye roll) I told him that he didn’t love her to begin with if he didn’t love her after she gained the weight because looks do not define love. Again, it was as if I were speaking in another language with what seems to me as common sense.

 

There was a couple in the 1960s who loved each other and wanted to marry but they couldn’t because they were not of the same race. In Virginia, it wasn’t done—there was a law. They challenged the courts and won. I wrote about this earlier this year. (link)

 

Mixed race isn’t anything these days to most people but as luck would have it a woman on FB made a comment this week about interracial marriage—that it was wrong because in the Bible it says to keep the races pure—that is what she said. I kid you not. She really believes this but she also hates many groups of people…actually she hates everyone who is different from her. She doesn’t hide it.

 

Well, we are all going to hell if you believe this because we have been mixing races since the beginning of time… I no more believe this poppycock than believing I will have 4 wisdom teeth to show up this year—and I only had 2 to start with.

 

She believes in the Bible and she peddles her thoughts freely on FB. What can I say? She thinks that the children of a certain couple that consisted of a white man and black woman will be of a race God didn’t intend to exist. I hang my head in shame.

 

Race has no difference. We are not a different species…we are all humans. The differences we see come from the type of melanin in the pigment of skin. Science is showing us that we all originated on the African continent. I don’t want to be the one to tell this lady that but she wouldn’t believe me anyway. She denies so much. It isn’t good to hide your head in the sand.

 

All of this isn’t about one person and her views. Her argument was the same argument given in the lower courts for the Loving case that the US Supreme Court overturned in 1967. The judge said that God put races on different continents for a reason and they were to never mix. This is being taught in some churches today. This isn’t someone coming up with this on their own. I even heard it when I was growing up—some of the older people would say it—not in my family but older people in the community. This is a problem just like people not understanding what love is. These are societal problems. They are things that we can help improve.

 

We preoccupy ourselves with drama from other things in life but we don’t address the real problems. Why don’t people love others without condition? Why don’t we put our children first? Why don’t we care about one another?

 

These are the simple things I care about. Life is not complicated when you look at it through the eyes of love. Simple… We need to work on society.

 

Please get involved. Show what you are made of. Don’t hate and don’t judge. Just love others.

 

Happy Friday! 🙂

 

 

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Words

Words mean everything…

We even speak without words…

No matter how we speak, words need to come from our heart… ❤

🙂

 

😀

 

Have a great weekend! 🙂

 

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We have come a long way, baby–maybe

I wish I could believe that. You will have to admit that the real reason for marriage is usually love. Some people get married because they feel pressured into it or to avoid shame but when you get down to it, the real reason people get married is because they believe they love each other. I say ‘believe’ because there is a difference with real selfless love and infatuation. 

 

Not everyone has been free to marry whomever they want. Back in the darkest times of history of our country, back when the US believed it was OK to own slaves, slaves were restricted what they could and could not do. If they were able to get married–some were, there was nothing that would guarantee the family would stay together or remain close by. Can you imagine being in that type of situation? It is terrible to think in a moment’s notice your life partner could be sold and moved away. There is a lot of our history that is unfathomable but like it or not, people had to live with it. I hope we are becoming a better people, a better nation but I’m not so sure.

 

Oppressed people have fought hard to have rights–to be treated like others. Others who have supported them have fought, too, but even after they gained notice with rights and protections through the courts, they were discriminated against. It is the same for all types of oppression. Do you know when interracial couples could marry–legally marry? Hmmmm…well, here is a story about that…

 

Many states had laws forbidding the marriage of a couple from different races. The state of Virginia had one such law, specifically against “colored” and white unions. In 1958, a white man wanted to marry a black lady but since they could not marry in the state, they went to Washington, DC to marry and returned to Virginia to live. They were arrested and charged. They plead guilty and were sentenced to serve a year in jail but the sentence was suspended if they would leave the state and not return together for 25 years. Well, that isn’t the end of the story.

 

• When I was growing up, I remember seeing couples who were interracial—not just a mixture of black and white but other races, too. I didn’t understand what the big deal was but I also didn’t understand how anyone could have enough courage to date someone of another race when there were so many people speaking out against it. Years later, I asked my mom what would she say if I dated a black guy–I wanted to know what her thoughts were. She said that it was up to me whom I dated and whom I married but to consider what situations and problems my kids would have growing up. She wanted me to think of my children before myself. I admire her for that and she always told me to never date anyone I didn’t want to be the father of my children…good advice. 

 

Back to the courts of the 1960s… The Lovings’ judge (don’t you just love the name) in Virginia ruled that since God had made people of different races and colors and that he had put them on different continents then they should honor God and not marry (head—desk; head–desk). The Lovings moved to the District of Columbia to abide by the law. Sad, isn’t it? If you think no, then maybe you need to check your empathy gene. 😉

 

In 1963, they filed a motion to vacate their sentence/judgment on the basis of the 14^th amendment…there is more to all of this [you can read about the case here (link)]. The case was eventually decided by the Supreme Court on 12 JUN 1967. It is called Loving vs Virginia, 1967. I wish this was the end of the story but it isn’t.

 

Alabama would not honor interracial marriage licenses even after this case was decided? Usually, when the Supreme Court rules in such cases, all lower courts will honor the decision because SCOTUS takes precedence…they are the law of the land—federal courts—but in Alabama’s situation, the state has repeatedly attempted to fight the federal courts even the Supreme Court on more than one occasion (one incident was Gov. Wallace). Their reasoning??? States’ rights of course–what else? As my daughter so aptly puts it, “Mom, the south lost the war.” Yeah. She knows that. I know that and I hope you know that, too. 🙂 It’s not about states’ rights as much as it is about civil rights and protection of the law.

 

To let you know how unfair things have been in Alabama (in case you don’t know) interracial marriage was not recognized until 1970, three years after Loving vs Virginia and even worse is the fact the state constitution was not amended to allow interracial marriage until 2000 where 60% of voters voted to remove the language. Are you reading between the lines of my writing? That means that roughly 40% of the people who voted wanted to keep interracial marriage illegal or that they didn’t want to change things. There are many people who still believe it is wrong to allow interracial marriage even today. We have not moved very far from the times of slavery and segregation. There is so much racism but it is usually hushed up–well, sometimes. What is in one’s heart is what really matters. If you separate and divide, you will not love fully.

 

People still believe there are those who are superior making those who are not—inferior. That isn’t ok with me. I was almost joking when I mentioned the empathy gene but in reality, we all need to take a good look in the mirror and see where we can improve ourselves. If you think your brother or sister (people you know–people you do not know) are below you in status, I encourage you to do some real soul searching because they are not lower than you. In fact, if you think you are superior, more than likely you are not. 

 

Happy Gardening in all that you do… 🙂

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Stone Her!

On Sunday, I turn 55 years of age—old to some and not old enough to others. Wisdom comes at different stages of life but none of us is as wise as we should be. If you were to ask me what I would desire from anyone, I would say respect. Love would be nice—you know, where one has compassion for another in the general sense of the word…the words of humility and selflessness come to mind. But respect is very special. 🙂

 

There is much I want to say. I am a post behind but I will catch up. There is a lot the Bible has to offer on these subjects such as love, humility, respect, grace, forgiveness, etc. and I think I have something to offer as well. I also have questions. I will conquer them as I go.

 

You may remember the story in the Bible (John 8, KJV if you will) about the woman who was said to have been caught in the act of adultery. The leaders and Pharisees brought her to Jesus and asked what the law said should be done with her…do you remember the story? They were trying to catch Jesus in a lie or to find he was not who he said he was–anything to trip him up. Very seldom–if ever–is the entire chapter of John preached in one sermon. Usually the top portion that I am referencing at the moment is used with other portions used for different sermons but the context in this particular instance is very important for the entire chapter. I urge to read the chapter especially if you are a Christian.

 

I am going to paraphrase the story.

• Someone reminds Jesus what the Mosaic law says about a woman caught in adultery–that she should be stoned and they ask what he says. What does Jesus do? Verse 6 says that Jesus stooped down and wrote in the ground. Jesus continued to write while they continued to ask. He looked up and said:  he that is without sin…cast the first stone. He returned to writing in the ground. After a while, Jesus gets up and looks around—he asks the woman where are her accusers. What did she say? She said no one was there to accuse her and Jesus said he didn’t either—to go and sin no more. (Not the end of the story.)

 

Why isn’t it recorded what Jesus wrote? Think about that. Why would it say that he wrote in the ground and yet not say what he wrote? Odd isn’t it? I think what he wrote was very important—important to the people in the story but not necessarily for us, the reader, because it would take away from the focus or possibly someone left it out. I don’t know. Some would have you focus on the sin in the story but what chapter 8 is about is not the sin but judging others.

 

• The story continues with Jesus talking to the Pharisees. He told them who he was and his relationship with the Father. Verse 15 says that he judges no man but that they judge after the flesh. In verse 26, Jesus says that he has many things to say and to judge them. The conversation and teaching continue but is basically summed up that those that want to kill Jesus are clearly the ones who do not have love in their heart. They think they understand the law but Jesus tells them they do not because they are not of the Father. Clearly these individuals believed they were safe from God’s wrath whether they would be saved or spared from the depths of hell but Jesus is telling them that they believe falsely—that they are wrong.

 

This is important also because pride can bring you down. It is easy to do. I continue to read and hear people talk vile things against people. They are calling themselves Christians. I’m serious about this having hate in one’s heart—you cannot have love if you have hate. The Bible talks about serving two masters. Most people think it is good and evil—God and satan but it can be love and hate. You must choose which one you feed…love…or hate. It cannot be both. It is easy to talk about it. It isn’t so easy to follow through.

 

I know people think I have lost my mind but we cannot judge people—that’s not in the cards. Whatever you believe—in a god/God or no God…we just cannot hate on others. Why did the men leave and not stone the woman? Hmmm. I think it was what Jesus wrote. The Bible says it was their convictions that led them to leave. There is a thought that Jesus quoted scripture in the ground just like he always answered the rulers and Pharisees. He always fought fire with fire.

 

What about the second time he wrote? Well, it could be the names of the men or their sins. I go with either one of those or even both. There is a suggestion that Jesus possibly wrote about Hosea 4—specifically verse 14 but the whole chapter has significance.  I’m not saying this is what happened but it would make a lot of sense. Maybe one day I will elaborate but you can check out this website (link).

 

I have tried very hard not to hurt anyone by what I say or do. I have tried to respect people no matter what their belief. I have tried to live my life not judging others—it’s difficult to do when you aspire to a higher level but trying to be better is a personal goal and not a goal to compare everyone else to. Each of us walks this earth. Rather than kick a person when they are down or in a situation where they could use a hand…are you the good Samaritan? Or, do you pass by and ignore the person? Or, perhaps you walk over, kick them and then spit on them.

 

A person who calls himself or herself a Christian should be about Christ…he or she would be wanting to live a life loving others as he did–not only the lovable but the unlovable. And, for those who want to throw stones at me—there is a target at the top of this post you can print out and practice with. It was made by me with no intention of infringement. 

 

May your gardens be filled with love–always. 🙂

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Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving for us in the States is this week and while everyone seems to insist it will become the first shopping day for Christmas sales, many people are still content on staying out of the stores and at home with loved ones being thankful for what we have together—and not just good food and football 😉 .

 

Not much to choose from – these are the frozen ones – I chose one of these 🙂 . Maybe it will thaw in time to cook. 😀

 

For the last few years I have spent Thanksgiving with a friend’s family—big family. The girls and I went the first year their father was out doing his thing with his girlfriend. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with this friend from church for two years and I appreciate it so much but this year my children are all gone and one will be working Thanksgiving and the day after and the day after that so the plan is for me to make a turkey and take it to visit the daughter in town. I haven’t made a turkey in a long while so I hope I can still do it—preferably without burning myself as my Halloween burn is just starting to look pretty decent. 😀

 

I was reading Barb’s Thanksgiving post (link) when I was reminded of the one holiday that I am so thankful I will NEVER have to repeat and it goes something like this…

 

When my girls were very young, their other siblings—their father’s first children, came to visit either at Christmas or Thanksgiving—usually Thanksgiving or we would go there. This one year in particular there had been some discussion of us coming up but we couldn’t go for some reason—probably my husband’s work wouldn’t allow it. My husband’s mother wouldn’t have any of it and decided at the last minute to come visit us and bring the tribe with them.

 

I rearranged some things and cooked for at least 2 days—I made a big turkey and a smoked ham and several side dishes and pies and a cake and such. I made cornbread dressing…with all the fixings, sweet potato casserole, regular potatoes, corn, rolls, etc. and managed to clean and prepare everything even decorating for Christmas…back when it seemed I was Wonder Woman. I had enough food to feed the small army that we would have and all seemed to be going according to plan…except…

 

My mother-in-law had purchased a turkey and wanted to bring it with her. I kindly refused and thought the situation was remedied but no, it was not. My good old mom-in-law brought Tom Turkey in an ice chest on the twelve plus hour drive—raw, mind you—for me to cook when they arrived. Like I wanted to spend some extra hours cooking another dang bird… She thought it was funny. Well, that didn’t go well. I still say she did on purpose—sabotaging things—she was really good at it and those things that she did really hurt our marriage. I still say I could write a book about her and her ways but let’s just say this…

 

This thanksgiving I plan to give thanks that I will NEVER ever have to cook for their family again. I have no problem in saying this. It is good therapy. I remember our first Thanksgiving together was when my to-be-husband—my fiancé—took me to visit and meet all of the family before we married. My kind and so thoughtful mother-in-law-to-be allowed me to sleep in the dog bed (bottom bunk)—no, I’m not kidding. It was nasty and I should have gathered exactly what she thought of me back then and got the heck out of Dodge. But, I stuck it out through thick and thin and thinner. I raised two wonderful daughters and I am so very thankful for them today and every day. I regret other choices I have made but I have never regretted my children and never will. I tried in other respects with this family and as usual, nothing was good enough. But, I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

 

So, when we gather together this week, I will say thanks that I have had enough courage to stand up for what is right and know that I did my best. I will be thankful for the opportunity to do my best through all of the challenges that came to my door. I am thankful for the friends I have, the people I have met along the way—especially the ones who have helped me these last few years. I have had to separate myself from people that have judged me and I am better for it actually. As Bill (link) said this past week/end about Job’s friends…Job’s friends judged Job and were not really friends at all. They came to mock him and watch as he suffered not offering much in support—actually, I think they were waiting for God to strike him down 🙂 . Sometimes we have friends who are like this who gather like vultures and wait. I have lost some friends because of it–not everyone is your friend and has your back.

 

As for my children and their grandparents and family…their grandparents don’t have anything to do with the girls since they have not given them any great grandchildren. I’m shocked at their behavior and can only teach my children to act better and to try and forgive. I wish for my girls to have better family than this.

 

May your Thanksgiving be everything you want it to be and may you have everything you need. I give thanks for you all.

 Happy Thanksgiving!

🙂

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