I’ve decided to add my stories here – I have a ton and they are slipping away. I’ve been down this road before – wanting to share my stories – but I was always guarded, didn’t want ppl to know too much, didn’t want to be judged, and didn’t want stalkers. I need to decide on which ones can be told and in what order. I’m sure some I’ve told before won’t exactly match the details now. Well, that’s what happens when one’s memory starts to flicker. đ
Posts Tagged ‘writings’
Unoriginal
Posted in Books, tagged accomplishments, creations, writings on March 3, 2017| Leave a Comment »
I envy people who can write words on the page that come together like a joyous song telling a story. I canât do that. Iâm not a poet and am limited in my writing capabilities but it doesnât stop me from desiring to tell a story. In school, I absolutely hated writing. Being told by a writing teacher in sixth grade that my thoughts were unoriginal didnât help so it was sheer shock that I landed in an honors writing course in college. It was toughâgoodâbut a challenge. I learned quite a bit but have since forgotten more than I think I acquired. Itâs true that one must keep in practice as for a number of things. Iâm way out of practice. đ
A couple of years ago I envisioned a tale â more movie-like than anything else. I didnât see it as a book of words but I started to write about it. I knew where I wanted to end upâŠI started with the ending and gave more substance as I went along until I got back to the beginning. That project is fueled by a collection of music pieces. I like it because it has a bit of history in it. Like I said, itâs more movie-like. I can see the scenes like they are real and I can almost touch them in my mind. Gives me goosebumps. Itâs not finished⊠đ Just like my life â so many unfinished things.
Most of my writing has been at command â not for fun or entertainment. We are all different. Some people have their muses and they continue to write as long as they are moved to do so. I say this all because I realized people write from varying perspectives. Some choose to tell a story of what they know. It can be reality based. Some writers can command characters they create to elaborately unite for a theatrical composition. The words come to life with no or little struggle. There is much power in this because not only do you create a story but you are in command of how you want the reader to absorb each scene.
I donât know why but I began to write several weeks ago. Well, that’s not true. I needed an escape. Fantasy is so much more fun than reality. Unlike the previous project, this one starts at a particular place, with certain people/characters. I donât really have an ending. Iâve enjoyed taking the characters through different situations, adding locations, adding characters, and doing research for certain parts for which I needed more information.
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I envision the story in my mind and write the words down. Certain parts have to be in a particular place so I write them in and then go back and fill in between the points like drawing a line on a dot-to-dot picture. I only hope that if I publish it, that people will be able to see the picture that I have drawn and maybe it will make just a bit of sense. What is ironic about all of this is that this story today is not far from the story I wrote for my sixth grade teacher that she labeled unoriginal. Hehehe. This is real life. Some things aren’t original and the really good ones can be repeated… Ok, that’s my take on it. đ
Happy Gardening! đ
The Socialist Jew
Posted in Caring, In the NEWS, Inspiration, Other, People and observations, tagged commitment, dreams, hope, humility, loving & caring, selfless love, writings on February 22, 2016| 5 Comments »
Once upon a time in a country far away from me there once was a man who believed in justice for the downtrodden, the repressed and oppressed, the ones who were sick, the outcasts of society, the hungry, and even the rich, the educated, etc. No one was denied entrance because they could not pay or if they didnât have food. No one was turned away when they were sick. This man had to go out in a boat to get away from the crowds who followed him. Everyone wanted to hear him, to be close, to touch him. Everyone wanted what he was giving even if they didnât understand his story.
He was genuine. He loved rather than judged. He healed rather than run people off. He provided food when there was nothing around. How dare he do these things. People should work for what they receive, right? đ
If you are a Christian, you profess to know JesusâŠthe one who came for the weak, the lame, the hungry. He came to heal not just physically and emotionally but spiritually. Did he charge a fee? Oh, come on. Nothing is free. đ
Jesus was liberal. He was a socialist Jew. He didnât wait for people to come to himâŠhe went to the people. In fact, he was part of the people. He knew their plight and sufferings.
I donât like to mix religion with politics but I hate to tell people this, there is a candidate that is a lot like Jesus who is running. This man does not stand up and say, I this and I that. He says, WE this and WE that. He doesnât call attention to himself but to the injustices of the world that WE have causedâthe things we have failed to correct.
Health care should be a right and not a privilege. Eating should be a right and not a privilege. Our children suffer because they canât find jobs and some suffer so much debt that they have problems repaying loans after college. The low paying jobs donât cut it. People canât get out of the gutter once they are down. Itâs like a caste system and thatâs not what America is.
Minorities are being shamed by some candidates. Some even shout to build a wall to keep people out. What if some of our ancestors had been turned away? There are some who commit smaller infractions of the law and can never get out from the debt it causes them. We need to change our justice system because much of it is corrupt. I have seen it firsthand.
Some say this man promises pie in the sky dreams that cannot be reached and I say that if we donât dream and try to reach, then we need to quit today and give up already. I have watched this man for a year and I have read and watched about everything I could get my hands on of his past. This man I refer to is Bernie Sanders who some call a socialist Jew. đ
You knowâŠI donât quite understand why Christians are not flocking to support him. You see the similarities of what Jesus preached. He cares for the lowest of all and yet he is marginalized himself. The media shun him. Others throw stones. He still prevails because his message is the one that needs to be heard. Many of us have been living exactly what he talks about. The Christians I know are either supporting Trump or Cruz so what does that say? Not much but I donât listen to them. They are lost and I canât do much about itâŠI have tried.
Jesus was a liberal. He was progressive. He was even radical for his timeâŠand maybe todayâs time too. Jesus was a socialist Jew and I am proud to support Bernie Sanders because his platform (which has not changed) is the most closely aligned platform to my views of all of the candidates.
He has ignited a fire in young people that began back in 2008. That was when the seeds were planted and today it is time to get serious about our countryâŠincome inequality, our responsibilities to our earth (climate change), our place in society as a world leader, and many, many more things. Those seeds have become little shoots that need to be transplanted so they can grow into healthy plants and later, we as a society can harvest the bountiful fruit for our children and descendants.
I laughed when I heard Bernie Sanders called a socialist Jew today because it showed me that was exactly how Jesus was viewed by the Pharisees so many years ago. If you havenât listened to Bernie, he doesnât go on the attack like other candidates do. He has tried to run a very respectable campaign even through the mud that has been thrown his way. Many people have mocked him and said he wasnât part of the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s but he was. Iâm sure if you continue to dig you will find something not so becoming of the man but I bet he is the best one running. Many of them lie from day to day or they say ugly things about people. Not Bernie Sanders.
Some people talk a good talk but then there are some people who actually walk the walk… Iâm with the socialist Jew who isnât that much of a socialist but I have always had a thing for the underdog. đ
Sacrifice and Love
Posted in Caring, Inspiration, People and observations, Reflection, tagged dreams, giving, happiness, love, loving & caring, selfless love, writings on February 9, 2016| 4 Comments »
Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.
I really didnât understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didnât always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.
I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriatelyâhow to withhold ârewardsâ much like someone withholding love. Thatâs what happened in my first marriageâlove was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionallyâanother dangerous place to be. I didnât feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.
It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I donât think I can. Itâs difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that wayâthat the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things donât always work out that way, but I wasnât taught that. In fact, I donât have a STOP button on me. Moving on.
Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But ⊠it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a childâs hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and loveâromantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.
I had made up my mind that I wasnât going to fall in love againâwell, not anytime soon. And, I was doing goodâfairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasnât easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against itâI didnât want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. Itâs hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. HmmmâŠa tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesnât have a happy ending.
Itâs funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we donât even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mateâa significant other. I want to believe but ⊠love and me ⊠well, we donât see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I donât know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isnât really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.
I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I donât know. Itâs hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I donât want someone to sacrifice for meâto lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.
I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun setsâto be there for each other no matter what. Thatâs my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.
Boy, that part hurts.
May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening! đ
Stigma
Posted in Inspiration, People and observations, Reflection, tagged family, friends, hope, loving & caring, writings on January 24, 2016| Leave a Comment »
- Stigma is defined in the American Heritage Dictionary (AHD for short) as:Â An association of disgrace or public disapproval with something, such as an action or condition.
- Google defines the word as:Â A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
Whatever you think of this word, it is not a positive sign. The word disgrace per AHD: Loss of honor, respect, or reputation; shame.
HmmmâŠthe lacking of what we all strive to haveâhonor, respect, reputation. When I think of disgrace, I think of how some of the more Puritanical religions and sects shunned people for doing something that was unapproved by the rules. In other words, one has been judged unfit. Wow! What does that do for oneâs self-confidence?
Think of what that might feel likeâto have your family turn against youâyour friendsâeveryone who you had trusted and believed in. Itâs an awful feeling to know that this thing you have done is so bad that peopleâyour closest familyâwould turn their backs to you. In essence, you have become an outcast of society even by the closest allies–those who are supposed to be there for you no matter what.
This may sound archaic but stigma is still around today. Sometimes we are stigmatized by choices we have made but sometimes we are shunned not because of choices but rather because of whom we are or how we are judged.
Stigma. Perhaps you think of hiding in the shadows or having periods of guilt and shame. Whatever images you have it is a word I know and I hope to write more about it in the days ahead.
Happy Gardening! đ
Walking with Intention
Posted in Caring, Inspiration, Other, Reflection, tagged commitment, giving, hope, humility, loving & caring, writings on November 30, 2015| 3 Comments »
I am not in the habit of saying I will do something and not follow through. When I commit, I mean it but I went back on my word (twice) and I am truly sorry. I bow my head in shame.
I have been following Sreejit Poole for a good while..not sure how long..a few years? He has been one of my spiritual guides, if I can call him that, on my journey of lifeâa type of mentor yet he does not know that (well he knows now if he reads this, lol).
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He is very talented in so many ways and he did something so special for the month of November on his blog called The Seekerâs Dungeon (link). He had guests post each day about their âwalk with intention.â đ  If you havenât already checked these out, please do so. They are words from the heart and there is an adventure waiting for you for all 30 days. The link is at the bottom of this posting.
Each of us travels on a journey whether we want to or not. It is up to us to decide where that journey will go and what we make of it. So often the focus is the destination but it is the journey that teaches us each and every day if we only stop and allow it to do so. It really is about the journey if you have not figured that out yet. đ
We decide what we carry with us but very few of us realize that we take something from everyone we meet. Just thinkâŠwe may not be consciously aware of such, but we pull from that interaction in some way. And the same happens in reverseâŠpeople take from us so we should be cognizant of what we are portraying. ImagineâŠsomething you take from someone that can impact a world tomorrow or vice versa for someone else. That is how important it isâof our journey and how we act toward others.
Think about this the next time you meet with someoneâŠobserve othersâŠor when you are meditating about the day you have just experienced. Which people have impacted you? What have you learned and what can you apply? It may surprise you how easily people pick up things from us and use them in their lives. Sometimes we pick up these things and we donât realize it.
Check out the Sreejitâs November daily posts beginning at â 30 Days of Walking with Intention (link). Â
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Happy Gardening! đ
When you don’t choose love…
Posted in Caring, In the NEWS, Inspiration, People and observations, Reflection, tagged dreams, faith, family, forgiveness, friends, giving, happiness, hope, loving & caring, marriage, selfless love, writings on July 19, 2015| 2 Comments »
- On Thursday I was told online that I needed to sacrifice myself because of my liberal viewsâthat I was responsible for the deaths of the marines in ChattanoogaâŠclears throatâŠ
- I had a post come across my FB feed yesterday showing how many of my friends stood with Israel and to share if I agreedâŠclears throatâŠ
It takes courage to speak up when almost everyone I know is against what I believe.
- About a week ago, I got a call from a person from my church, a person I used to call a close friend until she called me last year to complain about our new ministerâsaying that he wanted us to love everyone but that she could not love those people overseas who started all of those warsâthat she could learn to love black people but not MuslimsâŠclears throatâŠ
She was calling last week to tell me how bad our church is having itâthat they had to let the cleaning lady go. It seems that everyone will have to volunteer some of their time to clean and she was bemoaning. She said there is not enough money and they may have to shut the doors. This isnât the first time we have discussed this and my answer usually begins with words about having faith in God except this time I just listened.
This time she was upset that the minister (same minister from last year) said he was willing to perform same sex marriages. The congregation said they were against it so they quit having weddings in the church. Itâs a beautiful historic landmark and is usually booked about 2/3 of the year for weddings. Money made goes to pay bills including the salary for the minister and utilities. Some in the congregation would rather have no weddings than to deal with any same sex couple weddings. Yes, it is a Christian church. By the way, the people getting married in the church supply their own officiant so there is more to this story and it is a power play of sorts. I donât think churches are where politics should enter but when a new member comes in, they essentially are forced to choose a side. đŠ
She wasnât forthcoming on all of this but I told her that she didnât want my opinion. When she called last year, I warned her she didnât want my opinion but she said she did so I told her that Jesus didnât come for only certain people, that he came for all people and that we should love all. She wasnât happy and I can only guess that others in the church got my message through her because I got the cold shoulder soon afterwards and I am still shunned by most of the members. That is on themânot me. I gave so much to them and it hurt me but I have given that up. đ
There are some people who think they are being persecutedâŠbig sigh…sad face đ„
Many of these Christians are the ones doing the persecuting and they have been doing it for a long time. This makes me sad. I also talked to a real friend from my church this week. She filled in some of the missing details and she was in agreement with me about our church and about what love really means. For so long we had hoped that the congregation would change but the ones with power have suffocated all life in the church. She and I worked together on many projects only to see them fall through. We have given up because too many people pushed back and pushed others out. You have to follow the words of Christ if you are a Christian church. That love thing is really the foundation of everything.
Iâm proud that my minister has decided to do the right thing. It took real courage to do what he did. He will be pushed out of the congregation because he spoke his mind. They cannot meet the bills and they will let him go. Iâve seen it happen all too often. It’s the way they do things.
Faith is like a double-edged sword. It cuts two ways. You can have faith that you will succeed or that Godâs will might not be what you want. The trick is to let the Spirit guide you. If you don’t, then what good is faith? I have prayed and prayed for Godâs love to be shown through the people of the churchâthis was my prayer for so many years and we were doing positive things but something happened. I have dared not to pray that the doors would stay open because what good are open doors if people are not welcome inside? The homeless were never welcomed–only a few of us tried to be welcoming to all people. Those who were in need were not welcomed. Our true fruits are seen when they mature. They can be fruits of goodness or the fruits can be rotten. I pray for the best but sometimes tough love is hard to watch as in this case.
A church is not a charity. The people in the congregation are the hands of Christ and are there to help others and its members but they are not the charity. My church has long worshipped money over service to the community. They donât get it. The building is worshipped and the lady who gave the money for it is worshipped. She never wanted to be remembered and even said so many times. She gave anonymously and I still say if she were alive today, she would admonish the members for not building a new church to better serve the people. She was ahead of her time and I find it quite ironic that she was purpose driven in the 1800s and yet, here we are in 2015 and this congregation believes women should not serve. We have not risen to the call and until things change, I donât see the congregation growing but only dying.
When you have hate in your heart, there is truly no room for any love. You choose what is in your heart. đ
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Ministers and Servants
Posted in Caring, In the NEWS, Inspiration, People and observations, tagged commitment, faith, giving, happiness, hope, humility, loving & caring, marriage, selfless love, writings on July 6, 2015| 3 Comments »
Iâm having an issueâok, issues. Iâve been stuck inside all weekend (rain and more rain) and that was after I had an awful migraine last week (sinus triggered) that lasted 4 days–never made it to the movie either. Iâm going crazy and I am lonely. (sigh) I get down when I get like thisâŠdepressed a bit. I had gotten to a point where Iâm usually ok with being by myself and all but Iâm in need of some romance. Dang. I hate it when I get like this. There isnât anything I can do. It just happens.
I have been dumped on so much for the past few weeks that Iâm really feeling the effects. I like to celebrate Independence Day but with just me, I donât get to do what I want these days. Iâm feeling quite down about that too. I fight so hard at times and want to believe there is something better but I donât see it. I donât like the loneliness but here it isâŠstill⊠I fight hard to be an optimist.
Over the weekend I was privileged to read about two ministers who I believe have been truly blessed. I write about these two but I know there are more out there. These are the people who should be speaking out for the world to hearânot the jokers that seem to have everyoneâs attention and are center stage. They are the ones who have been called upon to serveâto be humble servants. Both ministers have felt that callingâto hear the needs of their parishionersâŠeven their homosexual ones. While many a church believes that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, there are people rethinking this and what exactly the Bible says. Iâm not going into what it says mainly because I cannot judge someone.
What I see is ministers who are actually walking the path of Jesus Christ and it makes me feel quite glad. One actually broke down and was humbled before God. People in his church came to him seeking guidance. He talked about how when one left, he could not get up but rather got down on his knees and prayed. His prayers were answered because he chose to ask God how to help these people and he did not judge them nor did he say they were not worthy. He treated them with respect. đ
Another minister felt the call that his church was not serving all those that were in need because their Book of Discipline forbid it. He felt that there was something more that they could do so he presented the challenge before his Sunday school class and they answered the call by seeking to become a reconciliation church. This is a big step in some churches. It is a way to show they are seeking a different path and acknowledging we are different. We canât cast people out because of the differences and we cannot say they are not welcome. đ
These are challenges before churchesânot just these few but all churches. It isnât going away. You cannot shut the door on it. You cannot close people out. For the past few years I have talked about being inclusive rather than exclusive and that is my belief.
A certain infamous blog person has taken to the blogwaves of how his heterosexual marriage is being harmed by the same sex marriage decision handed down by the US Supreme Court. Ok. I donât see it. Other peopleâs marriages shouldnât affect yours. If they do, you have issues too and they are worse than mine. đ
All of this is going on and I cannot help but feel those heartstrings pull at me againâsome call it a ministerâs calling but I cannot answer that call. However, I can continue to blog and that might be my true calling after all. đ
Remember to treat others with true respect and try to love all people. Happy Gardening! đ