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Posts Tagged ‘writings’

Unoriginal

I envy people who can write words on the page that come together like a joyous song telling a story. I can’t do that. I’m not a poet and am limited in my writing capabilities but it doesn’t stop me from desiring to tell a story. In school, I absolutely hated writing. Being told by a writing teacher in sixth grade that my thoughts were unoriginal didn’t help so it was sheer shock that I landed in an honors writing course in college. It was tough—good—but a challenge. I learned quite a bit but have since forgotten more than I think I acquired. It’s true that one must keep in practice as for a number of things. I’m way out of practice. 🙂

 

A couple of years ago I envisioned a tale — more movie-like than anything else. I didn’t see it as a book of words but I started to write about it. I knew where I wanted to end up…I started with the ending and gave more substance as I went along until I got back to the beginning. That project is fueled by a collection of music pieces. I like it because it has a bit of history in it. Like I said, it’s more movie-like. I can see the scenes like they are real and I can almost touch them in my mind. Gives me goosebumps. It’s not finished… 😀 Just like my life – so many unfinished things.

 

Most of my writing has been at command – not for fun or entertainment. We are all different. Some people have their muses and they continue to write as long as they are moved to do so. I say this all because I realized people write from varying perspectives. Some choose to tell a story of what they know. It can be reality based. Some writers can command characters they create to elaborately unite for a theatrical composition. The words come to life with no or little struggle. There is much power in this because not only do you create a story but you are in command of how you want the reader to absorb each scene.

 

I don’t know why but I began to write several weeks ago. Well, that’s not true. I needed an escape. Fantasy is so much more fun than reality. Unlike the previous project, this one starts at a particular place, with certain people/characters. I don’t really have an ending. I’ve enjoyed taking the characters through different situations, adding locations, adding characters, and doing research for certain parts for which I needed more information.

 

I envision the story in my mind and write the words down. Certain parts have to be in a particular place so I write them in and then go back and fill in between the points like drawing a line on a dot-to-dot picture. I only hope that if I publish it, that people will be able to see the picture that I have drawn and maybe it will make just a bit of sense. What is ironic about all of this is that this story today is not far from the story I wrote for my sixth grade teacher that she labeled unoriginal. Hehehe. This is real life. Some things aren’t original and the really good ones can be repeated… Ok, that’s my take on it. 😀

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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What I am about to write is true and personal. For several years I watched my mother lie in agony and pain, and I could do absolutely nothing (or so I believed) about it. I felt helpless. She took the strongest pain killers and yet they seemed to do nothing but do more harm. She suffered from rheumatoid arthritis (among other things) that was so bad the circulation stopped in one of her thumbs and an index finger. They first turned blue and then black. Both had to be amputated. All of her joints were so messed up that she could not sit or stand. Her body reminded me of the old circus freak shows. It is bad to say but it was horrible for her to live through.

 

I moved back to care for her. The meds that she took caused all sorts of complications and her autoimmune system began fighting itself-that may sound familiar. This was before she had a stroke. I could tell you some of the most grotesque stories but if you know of someone who has suffered like this, then you already know. It caused me great pain to see her like this and to know I was her caregiver and patient advocate and that she depended on me for everything. I couldn’t make things better—it took a toll on me.

 

I wish I knew then what I know today. Since that time I have cared for other people and watched and learned. I’ve read and discussed things that I never dreamed of back then. What I am about to say is not going to sit well with everyone but this is where reality comes to life—where it meets the pavement so to say.

 

What if I told you that there is something that would have helped my mom, something that would have given her quality of life-in my opinion-and helped her to live on without the complications? It may have even lengthened her life with less pain and again, with quality of life.

 

Stigma was a topic in a recent post. We apply that word to things we don’t usually accept. I live with epilepsy which has been stigmatized during my lifetime-less so of late. Hippies of the 60s were unfairly stigmatized as were those who were categorized in this group whether they were hippies or not. Remember, it only takes one’s perspective to categorize someone. Ok, you get the idea.

 

Some things are acceptable depending on the group of people you are with and some things are never acceptable. I used to think everything was black and white, red or green, purple and yellow, etc. I never thought I could help my mom as each day I watched her face one battle after another and waste away before my eyes. I can’t play the shoulda, coulda, woulda game but there is a chance that I could have helped her.

 

Welcome to the 21st century where it is not taboo to speak of cannabis oil and treatment with cannabis. Sure, there are people who still believe it is off limits and that it is the devil weed but if you had a child who suffered severe tonic-clonic seizures that were not controlled by any other medication… are you going to tell me you will not try cannabis oil that has been proven to help stop or at least slow down seizure activity in some patients? I would do it in a heartbeat! I would get cannabis oil or cannabis in some form for a child, my mom, anyone who is in my care who needs it. I would not hesitate one bit. Before you leave my post, I would like you to read on.

 

We have been fed a bunch of malarkey. I believed for a long time that it was a gateway drug. I need to say that there are those individuals who go on to use “heavier” drugs but truth be told, they were headed in that direction any way. It’s the nature of the beast—think addict and you get the idea.

 

Last year, Georgia passed a law that allowed patients with limited illnesses to possess and use cannabis oil such as a child with uncontrollable epilepsy…HOWEVER, the governor and lawmakers failed to provide a way and means for parents and patients to legally obtain cannabis oil. Ever since then there were certain lawmakers and residents of Georgia that have literally been fighting to get a legal way to get help for these patients. One was via new legislation which has failed at every angle. Number two…people have been traveling out of state to “legally” obtain  cannabis oil but illegally transport it back to Georgia. The governor sternly warned there would be consequences for these actions.

 

  • So, why sign a bill into law that helps those who need treatment but not allow them to get treatment?

 

Well, that’s what everyone here has been asking. Another bill was submitted that added more ailments and provided instate cultivation so that patients could get adequate treatment. It came to light this week that our lovely governor would not sign any instate cultivation bill while he is in office…and he doesn’t leave until 2018/19 so…this is the proverbial rock and a hard place.

 

Ok…onto the last of the story. Since the governor has championed support in the state senate (more like strong-armed), a sufficient bill will not leave committee. There is nothing that can be done for another year and this is only February. Think of how many more people will suffer and die because of this insane approach. I learned today that parents will publically put their lives on the line to transport cannabis oil for their children, loved ones, those who are suffering in order to force the governor’s hand. This will get ugly but how does one tell a parent that they cannot get the treatment the child needs? That’s like have a life-saving drug in the pharmacy out in plain sight but no one can purchase it…

 

Whatever stigma cannabis had in the 70s, 80s, 90s…that stigma needs to go away. My mom would have benefitted from this, both her pain and her arthritis and she would not have had the side effects from the drugs she was given. We allow alcohol to be consumed like it is water as long as you are old enough but cannabis??? Alcohol is so much worse. 

 

I wish I knew then what I know now and let me say that people who refuse to provide treatment to those in need, even those who get in their way, should face stiff consequences—even jail time. FYI, these are my opinions. People are suffering and dying and we are supposed to stand around and watch? No.

 

May your gardens grow with lasting abundance–always! 🙂

 

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Once upon a time in a country far away from me there once was a man who believed in justice for the downtrodden, the repressed and oppressed, the ones who were sick, the outcasts of society, the hungry, and even the rich, the educated, etc. No one was denied entrance because they could not pay or if they didn’t have food. No one was turned away when they were sick. This man had to go out in a boat to get away from the crowds who followed him. Everyone wanted to hear him, to be close, to touch him. Everyone wanted what he was giving even if they didn’t understand his story.

 

He was genuine. He loved rather than judged. He healed rather than run people off. He provided food when there was nothing around. How dare he do these things. People should work for what they receive, right? 🙂

 

If you are a Christian, you profess to know Jesus…the one who came for the weak, the lame, the hungry. He came to heal not just physically and emotionally but spiritually. Did he charge a fee? Oh, come on. Nothing is free. 🙂

 

Jesus was liberal. He was a socialist Jew. He didn’t wait for people to come to him…he went to the people. In fact, he was part of the people. He knew their plight and sufferings.

 

I don’t like to mix religion with politics but I hate to tell people this, there is a candidate that is a lot like Jesus who is running. This man does not stand up and say, I this and I that. He says, WE this and WE that. He doesn’t call attention to himself but to the injustices of the world that WE have caused—the things we have failed to correct.

 

Health care should be a right and not a privilege. Eating should be a right and not a privilege. Our children suffer because they can’t find jobs and some suffer so much debt that they have problems repaying loans after college. The low paying jobs don’t cut it. People can’t get out of the gutter once they are down. It’s like a caste system and that’s not what America is.

 

Minorities are being shamed by some candidates. Some even shout to build a wall to keep people out. What if some of our ancestors had been turned away? There are some who commit smaller infractions of the law and can never get out from the debt it causes them. We need to change our justice system because much of it is corrupt. I have seen it firsthand.

 

Some say this man promises pie in the sky dreams that cannot be reached and I say that if we don’t dream and try to reach, then we need to quit today and give up already. I have watched this man for a year and I have read and watched about everything I could get my hands on of his past. This man I refer to is Bernie Sanders who some call a socialist Jew. 🙂

 

You know…I don’t quite understand why Christians are not flocking to support him. You see the similarities of what Jesus preached. He cares for the lowest of all and yet he is marginalized himself. The media shun him. Others throw stones. He still prevails because his message is the one that needs to be heard. Many of us have been living exactly what he talks about. The Christians I know are either supporting Trump or Cruz so what does that say? Not much but I don’t listen to them. They are lost and I can’t do much about it…I have tried.

 

Jesus was a liberal. He was progressive. He was even radical for his time…and maybe today’s time too. Jesus was a socialist Jew and I am proud to support Bernie Sanders because his platform (which has not changed) is the most closely aligned platform to my views of all of the candidates.

 

He has ignited a fire in young people that began back in 2008. That was when the seeds were planted and today it is time to get serious about our country…income inequality, our responsibilities to our earth (climate change), our place in society as a world leader, and many, many more things. Those seeds have become little shoots that need to be transplanted so they can grow into healthy plants and later, we as a society can harvest the bountiful fruit for our children and descendants.

 

I laughed when I heard Bernie Sanders called a socialist Jew today because it showed me that was exactly how Jesus was viewed by the Pharisees so many years ago. If you haven’t listened to Bernie, he doesn’t go on the attack like other candidates do. He has tried to run a very respectable campaign even through the mud that has been thrown his way. Many people have mocked him and said he wasn’t part of the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s but he was. I’m sure if you continue to dig you will find something not so becoming of the man but I bet he is the best one running. Many of them lie from day to day or they say ugly things about people. Not Bernie Sanders.

 

Some people talk a good talk but then there are some people who actually walk the walk… I’m with the socialist Jew who isn’t that much of a socialist but I have always had a thing for the underdog. 🙂

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Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.

 

I really didn’t understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didn’t always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.

 

I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriately—how to withhold “rewards” much like someone withholding love. That’s what happened in my first marriage—love was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionally—another dangerous place to be. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.

 

It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I don’t think I can. It’s difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that way—that the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things don’t always work out that way, but I wasn’t taught that. In fact, I don’t have a STOP button on me. Moving on.

 

Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But … it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a child’s hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and love—romantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.

 

I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to fall in love again—well, not anytime soon. And, I was doing good—fairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasn’t easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against it—I didn’t want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. It’s hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. Hmmm…a tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesn’t have a happy ending.

 

It’s funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we don’t even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mate—a significant other. I want to believe but … love and me … well, we don’t see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I don’t know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isn’t really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.

 

I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I don’t know. It’s hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I don’t want someone to sacrifice for me—to lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.

 

I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun sets—to be there for each other no matter what. That’s my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.

Boy, that part hurts.

 

May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening! 🙂

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  • Stigma is defined in the American Heritage Dictionary (AHD for short) as:  An association of disgrace or public disapproval with something, such as an action or condition.
  • Google defines the word as:  A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

Whatever you think of this word, it is not a positive sign. The word disgrace per AHD:  Loss of honor, respect, or reputation; shame.

 

Hmmm…the lacking of what we all strive to have—honor, respect, reputation. When I think of disgrace, I think of how some of the more Puritanical religions and sects shunned people for doing something that was unapproved by the rules. In other words, one has been judged unfit. Wow! What does that do for one’s self-confidence?

 

Think of what that might feel like—to have your family turn against you—your friends—everyone who you had trusted and believed in. It’s an awful feeling to know that this thing you have done is so bad that people—your closest family—would turn their backs to you. In essence, you have become an outcast of society even by the closest allies–those who are supposed to be there for you no matter what.

 

This may sound archaic but stigma is still around today. Sometimes we are stigmatized by choices we have made but sometimes we are shunned not because of choices but rather because of whom we are or how we are judged.

 

Stigma. Perhaps you think of hiding in the shadows or having periods of guilt and shame. Whatever images you have it is a word I know and I hope to write more about it in the days ahead.

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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I am not in the habit of saying I will do something and not follow through. When I commit, I mean it but I went back on my word (twice) and I am truly sorry. I bow my head in shame.

 

I have been following Sreejit Poole for a good while..not sure how long..a few years? He has been one of my spiritual guides, if I can call him that, on my journey of life—a type of mentor yet he does not know that (well he knows now if he reads this, lol).

 

He is very talented in so many ways and he did something so special for the month of November on his blog called The Seeker’s Dungeon (link). He had guests post each day about their “walk with intention.” 🙂  If you haven’t already checked these out, please do so. They are words from the heart and there is an adventure waiting for you for all 30 days. The link is at the bottom of this posting.

 

Each of us travels on a journey whether we want to or not. It is up to us to decide where that journey will go and what we make of it. So often the focus is the destination but it is the journey that teaches us each and every day if we only stop and allow it to do so. It really is about the journey if you have not figured that out yet. 😉

 

We decide what we carry with us but very few of us realize that we take something from everyone we meet. Just think…we may not be consciously aware of such, but we pull from that interaction in some way. And the same happens in reverse…people take from us so we should be cognizant of what we are portraying. Imagine…something you take from someone that can impact a world tomorrow or vice versa for someone else. That is how important it is—of our journey and how we act toward others.

 

Think about this the next time you meet with someone…observe others…or when you are meditating about the day you have just experienced. Which people have impacted you? What have you learned and what can you apply? It may surprise you how easily people pick up things from us and use them in their lives. Sometimes we pick up these things and we don’t realize it.

 

Check out the Sreejit’s November daily posts beginning at30 Days of Walking with Intention (link).  

 

Happy Gardening! 🙂

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From Facebook

 

This church was vandalized last night. It sits a block down the street—the same street—from my church. Why would someone do this? Oh, because the minister is a little different…he was the first one to get a marriage license in Augusta after SSM became legal.

 

Don’t tell me that this is ok. It isn’t. No one has the right to do this. The persons responsible did not have love in their heart and they did it under the cover of darkness because they wanted no one to see them. The minister has asked for prayers for the people who did this. I concur but also ask for prayers for the community and communities all across this nation. No one is better than another–no one.

 

People will know us by the fruits of our actions. Always look for the fruit. It will tell you everything.

 

Love humbly. 🙂

 

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