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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

A New Year

happy-new-year-for-2017

With a new year brings hope and desire to want better. Some want a better world in which to live where people are treated with kindness and respect while others may seek more self-desires.  Closing the book on a year past may be easy for some but difficult for others. It is what it is. The future is coming whether we like it or not and there are only so many things that are in our control but if we don’t dream of better then who is responsible for not making those hopes a reality? In other words, without dreams of hope and then putting those thoughts into our daily actions, why do we dream and hope at all?

 

Reality is overrated but it is the cement of life. I stopped making resolutions some time ago. I’ve written about it here a few years back. I used to make concrete resolutions—things that I could achieve say in 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, and so on. If I achieved the goal, I felt that was the end. If I didn’t achieve a goal, I felt failure but would move the goal posts. Both became negative feedback that I didn’t need so I made more general goals. And lastly, I would resolve to make every day better than the one before rather than make resolutions once a year. It works for me.

 

We are constantly changing—each of us. To put a finish line out there is great when we need positive reinforcement (goal achievements). Nothing wrong with it but for me, and maybe it’s because I’m getting older, I look to each day. So here is to a better year. May your dreams and hopes be achieved and may you never stop working for them while realizing we are all together on this big sphere we call Earth.

 

Happy New Year! (And goodbye 2016!!!) 😀

 

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Once upon a time in a country far away from me there once was a man who believed in justice for the downtrodden, the repressed and oppressed, the ones who were sick, the outcasts of society, the hungry, and even the rich, the educated, etc. No one was denied entrance because they could not pay or if they didn’t have food. No one was turned away when they were sick. This man had to go out in a boat to get away from the crowds who followed him. Everyone wanted to hear him, to be close, to touch him. Everyone wanted what he was giving even if they didn’t understand his story.

 

He was genuine. He loved rather than judged. He healed rather than run people off. He provided food when there was nothing around. How dare he do these things. People should work for what they receive, right? 🙂

 

If you are a Christian, you profess to know Jesus…the one who came for the weak, the lame, the hungry. He came to heal not just physically and emotionally but spiritually. Did he charge a fee? Oh, come on. Nothing is free. 🙂

 

Jesus was liberal. He was a socialist Jew. He didn’t wait for people to come to him…he went to the people. In fact, he was part of the people. He knew their plight and sufferings.

 

I don’t like to mix religion with politics but I hate to tell people this, there is a candidate that is a lot like Jesus who is running. This man does not stand up and say, I this and I that. He says, WE this and WE that. He doesn’t call attention to himself but to the injustices of the world that WE have caused—the things we have failed to correct.

 

Health care should be a right and not a privilege. Eating should be a right and not a privilege. Our children suffer because they can’t find jobs and some suffer so much debt that they have problems repaying loans after college. The low paying jobs don’t cut it. People can’t get out of the gutter once they are down. It’s like a caste system and that’s not what America is.

 

Minorities are being shamed by some candidates. Some even shout to build a wall to keep people out. What if some of our ancestors had been turned away? There are some who commit smaller infractions of the law and can never get out from the debt it causes them. We need to change our justice system because much of it is corrupt. I have seen it firsthand.

 

Some say this man promises pie in the sky dreams that cannot be reached and I say that if we don’t dream and try to reach, then we need to quit today and give up already. I have watched this man for a year and I have read and watched about everything I could get my hands on of his past. This man I refer to is Bernie Sanders who some call a socialist Jew. 🙂

 

You know…I don’t quite understand why Christians are not flocking to support him. You see the similarities of what Jesus preached. He cares for the lowest of all and yet he is marginalized himself. The media shun him. Others throw stones. He still prevails because his message is the one that needs to be heard. Many of us have been living exactly what he talks about. The Christians I know are either supporting Trump or Cruz so what does that say? Not much but I don’t listen to them. They are lost and I can’t do much about it…I have tried.

 

Jesus was a liberal. He was progressive. He was even radical for his time…and maybe today’s time too. Jesus was a socialist Jew and I am proud to support Bernie Sanders because his platform (which has not changed) is the most closely aligned platform to my views of all of the candidates.

 

He has ignited a fire in young people that began back in 2008. That was when the seeds were planted and today it is time to get serious about our country…income inequality, our responsibilities to our earth (climate change), our place in society as a world leader, and many, many more things. Those seeds have become little shoots that need to be transplanted so they can grow into healthy plants and later, we as a society can harvest the bountiful fruit for our children and descendants.

 

I laughed when I heard Bernie Sanders called a socialist Jew today because it showed me that was exactly how Jesus was viewed by the Pharisees so many years ago. If you haven’t listened to Bernie, he doesn’t go on the attack like other candidates do. He has tried to run a very respectable campaign even through the mud that has been thrown his way. Many people have mocked him and said he wasn’t part of the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s but he was. I’m sure if you continue to dig you will find something not so becoming of the man but I bet he is the best one running. Many of them lie from day to day or they say ugly things about people. Not Bernie Sanders.

 

Some people talk a good talk but then there are some people who actually walk the walk… I’m with the socialist Jew who isn’t that much of a socialist but I have always had a thing for the underdog. 🙂

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Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.

 

I really didn’t understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didn’t always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.

 

I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriately—how to withhold “rewards” much like someone withholding love. That’s what happened in my first marriage—love was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionally—another dangerous place to be. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.

 

It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I don’t think I can. It’s difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that way—that the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things don’t always work out that way, but I wasn’t taught that. In fact, I don’t have a STOP button on me. Moving on.

 

Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But … it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a child’s hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and love—romantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.

 

I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to fall in love again—well, not anytime soon. And, I was doing good—fairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasn’t easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against it—I didn’t want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. It’s hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. Hmmm…a tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesn’t have a happy ending.

 

It’s funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we don’t even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mate—a significant other. I want to believe but … love and me … well, we don’t see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I don’t know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isn’t really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.

 

I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I don’t know. It’s hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I don’t want someone to sacrifice for me—to lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.

 

I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun sets—to be there for each other no matter what. That’s my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.

Boy, that part hurts.

 

May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening! 🙂

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Are we having fun yet?

I have been suffering from an autoimmune issue where I am allergic to myself—really. I have had an awful itchy rash from head to toe since July. It is called chronic urticaria and it takes all of my energy just trying to deal with it. My allergist is a really nice lady. She is confident that I will go into remission soon…lol…even if she has a patient that hasn’t been in remission for over 10 years.

 

I never knew I had this but evidently I have had it all my adult life just never to this extent. Usually a shot and series of prednisone and I’m good to go but not this time and I can’t find what triggered it—as in what I am allergic to. So…my life has been miserable to say the least.

 

Some days are pretty good and some are downright awful. I have tried everything including a new medicine that is used to treat leprosy—no kidding. I had to go off my blood pressure meds for this and I was taking so much antihistamine—a double dose plus 2 doses of Benadryl and nothing made it better. I tried meditation and other things and then I began to bleed under the skin—bruising for no reason other than my veins began to leak. I was concerned that my AVM might rupture so we dropped off the Benadryl and all pain relievers…eeeeeeeekkk!!!! 😦

 

Then I began to notice that I felt like I was producing more adrenaline than I should. I feel like the hair on my body is standing on end all of the time. I can’t control it. I did some reading. Mostly in men if there is an increase in adrenaline then there is a drop in testosterone. Hmmm. That’s interesting. While the two don’t really work together they affect each other. So I began to wonder if I bring up my testosterone level if the adrenaline will ease up. It is worth a try.

 

I added some magnesium, zinc, and calcium along with some B12 to my daily routine. It’s best to get vitamins and minerals from foods but I need to experiment to get this stopped. I’m able to exercise more and I actually had a decent day for a change—not great but decent. I found that there have been suggestions that excess adrenaline can lead to autoimmune dysfunction but usually it isn’t caught before people begin to suffer from rheumatoid arthritis for one but there are many other things out there in the autoimmune disease category.

 

Someone suggested the Paleo diet plan and I looked into it. It’s pretty good. I tried the AIP diet but my doctor said she would rather me just to eat healthy so I stopped—it is a little difficult to just jump in if one is used to eating about anything. So, I’m trying to get good nutrition. One thing that is important is to get enough probiotics in my colon and then feeding the good bacteria. So often we take in probiotics but we forget that the bacteria need certain foods to sustain itself and there are better foods than others. Sounds complicated and it has been.

 

I just know that I’m tired of the itching and discomfort and everything I have been going through. I have been at the end of my rope, crying with pain and itching. The next stop if this medicine doesn’t work is a drug that costs a lot of money and my insurance may not pay for it. We will see. Fingers crossed that this will go into remission with this medicine that I am on. Oh, and I have to carry an epipen around—are we having fun yet? 🙂 I hope everyone is doing better than I am.

 

May your garden grow full of love and goodness. 🙂

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  • On Thursday I was told online that I needed to sacrifice myself because of my liberal views—that I was responsible for the deaths of the marines in Chattanooga…clears throat…

 

  • I had a post come across my FB feed yesterday showing how many of my friends stood with Israel and to share if I agreed…clears throat…

 

It takes courage to speak up when almost everyone I know is against what I believe.

 

  • About a week ago, I got a call from a person from my church, a person I used to call a close friend until she called me last year to complain about our new minister—saying that he wanted us to love everyone but that she could not love those people overseas who started all of those wars—that she could learn to love black people but not Muslims…clears throat…

 

She was calling last week to tell me how bad our church is having it—that they had to let the cleaning lady go. It seems that everyone will have to volunteer some of their time to clean and she was bemoaning. She said there is not enough money and they may have to shut the doors. This isn’t the first time we have discussed this and my answer usually begins with words about having faith in God except this time I just listened.

 

This time she was upset that the minister (same minister from last year) said he was willing to perform same sex marriages. The congregation said they were against it so they quit having weddings in the church. It’s a beautiful historic landmark and is usually booked about 2/3 of the year for weddings. Money made goes to pay bills including the salary for the minister and utilities. Some in the congregation would rather have no weddings than to deal with any same sex couple weddings. Yes, it is a Christian church. By the way, the people getting married in the church supply their own officiant so there is more to this story and it is a power play of sorts. I don’t think churches are where politics should enter but when a new member comes in, they essentially are forced to choose a side. 😦

 

She wasn’t forthcoming on all of this but I told her that she didn’t want my opinion. When she called last year, I warned her she didn’t want my opinion but she said she did so I told her that Jesus didn’t come for only certain people, that he came for all people and that we should love all. She wasn’t happy and I can only guess that others in the church got my message through her because I got the cold shoulder soon afterwards and I am still shunned by most of the members. That is on them—not me. I gave so much to them and it hurt me but I have given that up. 🙂

 

There are some people who think they are being persecuted…big sigh…sad face 😥

 

Many of these Christians are the ones doing the persecuting and they have been doing it for a long time. This makes me sad. I also talked to a real friend from my church this week. She filled in some of the missing details and she was in agreement with me about our church and about what love really means. For so long we had hoped that the congregation would change but the ones with power have suffocated all life in the church. She and I worked together on many projects only to see them fall through. We have given up because too many people pushed back and pushed others out. You have to follow the words of Christ if you are a Christian church. That love thing is really the foundation of everything.

 

I’m proud that my minister has decided to do the right thing. It took real courage to do what he did. He will be pushed out of the congregation because he spoke his mind. They cannot meet the bills and they will let him go. I’ve seen it happen all too often. It’s the way they do things.

 

Faith is like a double-edged sword. It cuts two ways. You can have faith that you will succeed or that God’s will might not be what you want. The trick is to let the Spirit guide you. If you don’t, then what good is faith? I have prayed and prayed for God’s love to be shown through the people of the church—this was my prayer for so many years and we were doing positive things but something happened. I have dared not to pray that the doors would stay open because what good are open doors if people are not welcome inside? The homeless were never welcomed–only a few of us tried to be welcoming to all people. Those who were in need were not welcomed. Our true fruits are seen when they mature. They can be fruits of goodness or the fruits can be rotten. I pray for the best but sometimes tough love is hard to watch as in this case.

 

A church is not a charity. The people in the congregation are the hands of Christ and are there to help others and its members but they are not the charity. My church has long worshipped money over service to the community. They don’t get it. The building is worshipped and the lady who gave the money for it is worshipped. She never wanted to be remembered and even said so many times. She gave anonymously and I still say if she were alive today, she would admonish the members for not building a new church to better serve the people. She was ahead of her time and I find it quite ironic that she was purpose driven in the 1800s and yet, here we are in 2015 and this congregation believes women should not serve. We have not risen to the call and until things change, I don’t see the congregation growing but only dying.

 

When you have hate in your heart, there is truly no room for any love. You choose what is in your heart. 🙂

 

 

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Lots to say but this is what I want to share…

The other day for my daughter’s birthday, we finally got to see the movie, Inside Out. It was great but what I really loved was the short shown before…this is just the music from it but I love it…hehe…

 

😀

 

I lava this….. 🙂

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If you cannot find and celebrate the happy things in life, then you are really missing out. This trailer is one of the happier things. With any luck, I am going to see it this week. 😀

 

 

😀

 

Have a great week and remember to enjoy life! 🙂

 

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