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Freedom

In the movie “Quigley Down Under,” Tom Selleck played the part of an expert marksman with a long gun who is hired by a certain rancher character named Marsten to travel to Australia. Without getting into too many details I think some of the best dialogue occurred when Marsten was going to kill Quigley at the end of the movie. Believing that Quigley could not use a handgun, Marsten had the badly beaten Quigley propped up and given a Colt revolver (if memory serves correctly). Quigley quickly shoots Marsten and says this to him, “I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn’t know how to use it.”

 

Politics. I don’t like it – in fact hate it but I understand it and I’m not bad at reading what will happen given certain parameters are in place. Politicians will play games and say anything to get in office when they don’t care about us-not really. We are part of an elaborate play.  Sometimes the script is written and sometimes it isn’t. We are not actual participants like we think we are. We are used as pawns on a board-our lives are what is up for grabs-usually we lose no matter what. No, this isn’t a conspiracy theory as I have been accused. This comes from observing people and learning about them over many years. It calls for more objective observation rather than subjective.

 

I have much to say about what has been going on. I don’t usually vote by party lines-as in I don’t feel that I have to give my allegiance to only one party or person. Party politics have shown their worse attributes this election season in my opinion but I have never cared for them anyway. Hillary Clinton became the democratic nominee and if she really wanted Bernie’s followers she would not have waited until the convention to try to bring in unity. I’m sure she will win. There is no doubt in my mind but she made a crucial mistake and I don’t think it can be undone even given that people forget things rather quickly.

 

People don’t see long range. Pity. She didn’t court those younger people earlier on. She could have very easily done so and easily brought more people to support her but I won’t go there right now. Even if most of them vote for her in November do you really think there will be an allegiance by them to the party or to her in four years? No. Absolutely not. See where I am going with this? I have seen politicians use some of the vilest of things this year but you have to look long range. Just like Bernie’s movement was not about Bernie-it was about the people-equality-justice-environment-education-and health to name a few. Those things he kept saying will resonate long after this election. Horse races come and go. A fiery passion for justice doesn’t.

 

Do I sound bitter? I don’t mean to. This is my evaluation of what is before us. When she accepted the nomination, a huge weight was lifted because today, I laugh at people who tell me that I emphatically MUST vote for Clinton. I also laugh at those who tell me the same about Trump or any other delegate. But the Clinton ones are the same people who told me that those who follow Bernie are petulant children and many other things. I laugh at them screaming about the Trump monster which makes them even angrier which in turn makes me laugh harder. I can’t help it.

 

Here is the thing. Our country was founded on principles of representation. Most people could not vote when the country was formed but we have been attempting to right that error ever since, well some of us have. When we require someone to vote a certain way, what have we become? Fear is the greatest fear of all. I refuse to be bullied because of Trump or Clinton or anyone else. Oh, if you don’t vote for Clinton, Trump will be in the Whitehouse. Sigh-roll eyes-sigh again. Even if I believe that, do you think telling me this is going to make a positive impact? I’ll just leave the words slaves, oppression, and suppression here to think about.

 

Now I ask:

What is freedom?

Freedom is the lack of fear.

 

Actually the question is the answer. You first have fear. You must get rid of the fear to have freedom.

 

My facebook newsfeed is plastered with stuff that says things-terrible things-telling the audience essentially, “How dare you express an opinion different than mine.” Guess what. We each have an opinion and that’s good. The world would be pretty boring if we are all the same. It’s really important for people to have control over their own vote-our vote. If we don’t, we are no better than China, North Korea, Soviet Russia and many others. Is this what we want? Well, I hope not.

 

So, vote! Vote for whomever you want. No restrictions. Yes, I have opinions but I expect others to be intelligent enough to make up their mind on their own. The mindless masses are one of our downfalls. Just make sure your reasoning isn’t because you don’t want the other person in office or you feel pressured by others. The day we give our vote away is the day democracy dies. Remember that.

 

Happy Gardening!:)

A Quick Blip

I hope everyone is healthy and doing well. I am back for a bit-but my sewing has been put on hold. This quick blip of an update is about me. I am doing a little better-having just taken my 4th round of shots in my probably year-long treatment that began in February. The awful rash is not as prevalent and the itching has subsided. I’m hoping I will go into complete remission.

052016

I managed to get to the beach and this was my view. Had a nice time. Take care and Happy Gardening!:)

 

New Project

As I promised —  a project that I have been working on.

 

quilt 6

 

This is a patchwork quilt-simple in design with 17 different fabrics used for squares. It is 17 by 18 rows.  The first row is repeated for the last row to make 18. Each square measures 5 inches finished. I am using a different fabric for the border. I’ll get to that later.

 

quilt 1

quilt 100 1

 

I have this western print that I wanted to use on the back with the blue. I had planned to use the blue for the border on the front but there were two pieces on the bolt. I couldn’t make it work like I wanted so I’ll be going back to the fabric store.:)

 

quilt 2

 

As usual, I have a helper…:) He thinks this is just for him.

 

quilt 4

quilt 5

quilt 3

 

The quilt is made for a king size bed but can be used for a cover on my sofa. I still have to decide on a quilting design. Sigh. All of the quilt will be 100% cotton. It was machine pieced but will be hand-quilted. Of course there is a story about this quilt but I will wait to share it later.:)

I miss writing—writing about fun and interesting things-not about health or politics. Last week I had a reaction to my medications. It took me about 3 days to get back to earth so to say and another 2 days to get back to clear thought. I’m still dealing with some of the side effects.

 

Dilantin is a quirky medicine. It has a very narrow therapeutic threshold (I’ve written about this before) and causes several side effects but my problems have always been that it doesn’t play nicely with other medicines. This is why in the past that I took very few medications with Dilantin. I like to know what to expect before it happens but that isn’t always the case—I need to up my game because the pharmacists and doctors haven’t been paying attention.

 

One medication that I take for my stomach and colon (let’s call it med A) increases the effects of another medication I am taking for my urticaria (let’s call that one med B).

So we have med A increasing the effects of med B which in turn increases the effects of Dilantin causing a very dangerous mixture. The effects are minimal as long as the dosages are small but when they are increased it becomes scary because I didn’t know what was going on. I can’t even think when it happens as in draw conclusions.

 

Anyway, I’m better. I can actually walk and not fall down and I’m not sleeping for 48+ hours at a time. I rearranged my dosage times and left off one of the urticaria doses. It’s working so far. I had to give up driving for a while until this settles down. We will wait and see.

 

Sometimes we don’t know how our bodies will react to certain medications given that each of us is different. Often we play the game of trial and error until something happens. In my lifetime, I have had at least 4 overdoses and at least 2 underdoses-that is what I can recall at this moment. These were not my fault as in there was nothing I could do to prevent them. The overdoses usually happened because an increase of medication. Sometimes it is hit and miss and misses can have consequences. With the underdoses-we can have changes in the way our bodies metabolize so we have to closely monitor what is happening which usually results in blood tests but they aren’t as simple as checking for blood sugar.

 

I hope to write about something that is more fun next time. Happy Gardening!:)

 

I wish I knew then…

What I am about to write is true and personal. For several years I watched my mother lie in agony and pain, and I could do absolutely nothing (or so I believed) about it. I felt helpless. She took the strongest pain killers and yet they seemed to do nothing but do more harm. She suffered from rheumatoid arthritis (among other things) that was so bad the circulation stopped in one of her thumbs and an index finger. They first turned blue and then black. Both had to be amputated. All of her joints were so messed up that she could not sit or stand. Her body reminded me of the old circus freak shows. It is bad to say but it was horrible for her to live through.

 

I moved back to care for her. The meds that she took caused all sorts of complications and her autoimmune system began fighting itself-that may sound familiar. This was before she had a stroke. I could tell you some of the most grotesque stories but if you know of someone who has suffered like this, then you already know. It caused me great pain to see her like this and to know I was her caregiver and patient advocate and that she depended on me for everything. I couldn’t make things better—it took a toll on me.

 

I wish I knew then what I know today. Since that time I have cared for other people and watched and learned. I’ve read and discussed things that I never dreamed of back then. What I am about to say is not going to sit well with everyone but this is where reality comes to life—where it meets the pavement so to say.

 

What if I told you that there is something that would have helped my mom, something that would have given her quality of life-in my opinion-and helped her to live on without the complications? It may have even lengthened her life with less pain and again, with quality of life.

 

Stigma was a topic in a recent post. We apply that word to things we don’t usually accept. I live with epilepsy which has been stigmatized during my lifetime-less so of late. Hippies of the 60s were unfairly stigmatized as were those who were categorized in this group whether they were hippies or not. Remember, it only takes one’s perspective to categorize someone. Ok, you get the idea.

 

Some things are acceptable depending on the group of people you are with and some things are never acceptable. I used to think everything was black and white, red or green, purple and yellow, etc. I never thought I could help my mom as each day I watched her face one battle after another and waste away before my eyes. I can’t play the shoulda, coulda, woulda game but there is a chance that I could have helped her.

 

Welcome to the 21st century where it is not taboo to speak of cannabis oil and treatment with cannabis. Sure, there are people who still believe it is off limits and that it is the devil weed but if you had a child who suffered severe tonic-clonic seizures that were not controlled by any other medication… are you going to tell me you will not try cannabis oil that has been proven to help stop or at least slow down seizure activity in some patients? I would do it in a heartbeat! I would get cannabis oil or cannabis in some form for a child, my mom, anyone who is in my care who needs it. I would not hesitate one bit. Before you leave my post, I would like you to read on.

 

We have been fed a bunch of malarkey. I believed for a long time that it was a gateway drug. I need to say that there are those individuals who go on to use “heavier” drugs but truth be told, they were headed in that direction any way. It’s the nature of the beast—think addict and you get the idea.

 

Last year, Georgia passed a law that allowed patients with limited illnesses to possess and use cannabis oil such as a child with uncontrollable epilepsy…HOWEVER, the governor and lawmakers failed to provide a way and means for parents and patients to legally obtain cannabis oil. Ever since then there were certain lawmakers and residents of Georgia that have literally been fighting to get a legal way to get help for these patients. One was via new legislation which has failed at every angle. Number two…people have been traveling out of state to “legally” obtain  cannabis oil but illegally transport it back to Georgia. The governor sternly warned there would be consequences for these actions.

 

  • So, why sign a bill into law that helps those who need treatment but not allow them to get treatment?

 

Well, that’s what everyone here has been asking. Another bill was submitted that added more ailments and provided instate cultivation so that patients could get adequate treatment. It came to light this week that our lovely governor would not sign any instate cultivation bill while he is in office…and he doesn’t leave until 2018/19 so…this is the proverbial rock and a hard place.

 

Ok…onto the last of the story. Since the governor has championed support in the state senate (more like strong-armed), a sufficient bill will not leave committee. There is nothing that can be done for another year and this is only February. Think of how many more people will suffer and die because of this insane approach. I learned today that parents will publically put their lives on the line to transport cannabis oil for their children, loved ones, those who are suffering in order to force the governor’s hand. This will get ugly but how does one tell a parent that they cannot get the treatment the child needs? That’s like have a life-saving drug in the pharmacy out in plain sight but no one can purchase it…

 

Whatever stigma cannabis had in the 70s, 80s, 90s…that stigma needs to go away. My mom would have benefitted from this, both her pain and her arthritis and she would not have had the side effects from the drugs she was given. We allow alcohol to be consumed like it is water as long as you are old enough but cannabis??? Alcohol is so much worse. 

 

I wish I knew then what I know now and let me say that people who refuse to provide treatment to those in need, even those who get in their way, should face stiff consequences—even jail time. FYI, these are my opinions. People are suffering and dying and we are supposed to stand around and watch? No.

 

May your gardens grow with lasting abundance–always!:)

 

The Socialist Jew

Once upon a time in a country far away from me there once was a man who believed in justice for the downtrodden, the repressed and oppressed, the ones who were sick, the outcasts of society, the hungry, and even the rich, the educated, etc. No one was denied entrance because they could not pay or if they didn’t have food. No one was turned away when they were sick. This man had to go out in a boat to get away from the crowds who followed him. Everyone wanted to hear him, to be close, to touch him. Everyone wanted what he was giving even if they didn’t understand his story.

 

He was genuine. He loved rather than judged. He healed rather than run people off. He provided food when there was nothing around. How dare he do these things. People should work for what they receive, right?:)

 

If you are a Christian, you profess to know Jesus…the one who came for the weak, the lame, the hungry. He came to heal not just physically and emotionally but spiritually. Did he charge a fee? Oh, come on. Nothing is free.:)

 

Jesus was liberal. He was a socialist Jew. He didn’t wait for people to come to him…he went to the people. In fact, he was part of the people. He knew their plight and sufferings.

 

I don’t like to mix religion with politics but I hate to tell people this, there is a candidate that is a lot like Jesus who is running. This man does not stand up and say, I this and I that. He says, WE this and WE that. He doesn’t call attention to himself but to the injustices of the world that WE have caused—the things we have failed to correct.

 

Health care should be a right and not a privilege. Eating should be a right and not a privilege. Our children suffer because they can’t find jobs and some suffer so much debt that they have problems repaying loans after college. The low paying jobs don’t cut it. People can’t get out of the gutter once they are down. It’s like a caste system and that’s not what America is.

 

Minorities are being shamed by some candidates. Some even shout to build a wall to keep people out. What if some of our ancestors had been turned away? There are some who commit smaller infractions of the law and can never get out from the debt it causes them. We need to change our justice system because much of it is corrupt. I have seen it firsthand.

 

Some say this man promises pie in the sky dreams that cannot be reached and I say that if we don’t dream and try to reach, then we need to quit today and give up already. I have watched this man for a year and I have read and watched about everything I could get my hands on of his past. This man I refer to is Bernie Sanders who some call a socialist Jew.:)

 

You know…I don’t quite understand why Christians are not flocking to support him. You see the similarities of what Jesus preached. He cares for the lowest of all and yet he is marginalized himself. The media shun him. Others throw stones. He still prevails because his message is the one that needs to be heard. Many of us have been living exactly what he talks about. The Christians I know are either supporting Trump or Cruz so what does that say? Not much but I don’t listen to them. They are lost and I can’t do much about it…I have tried.

 

Jesus was a liberal. He was progressive. He was even radical for his time…and maybe today’s time too. Jesus was a socialist Jew and I am proud to support Bernie Sanders because his platform (which has not changed) is the most closely aligned platform to my views of all of the candidates.

 

He has ignited a fire in young people that began back in 2008. That was when the seeds were planted and today it is time to get serious about our country…income inequality, our responsibilities to our earth (climate change), our place in society as a world leader, and many, many more things. Those seeds have become little shoots that need to be transplanted so they can grow into healthy plants and later, we as a society can harvest the bountiful fruit for our children and descendants.

 

I laughed when I heard Bernie Sanders called a socialist Jew today because it showed me that was exactly how Jesus was viewed by the Pharisees so many years ago. If you haven’t listened to Bernie, he doesn’t go on the attack like other candidates do. He has tried to run a very respectable campaign even through the mud that has been thrown his way. Many people have mocked him and said he wasn’t part of the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s but he was. I’m sure if you continue to dig you will find something not so becoming of the man but I bet he is the best one running. Many of them lie from day to day or they say ugly things about people. Not Bernie Sanders.

 

Some people talk a good talk but then there are some people who actually walk the walk… I’m with the socialist Jew who isn’t that much of a socialist but I have always had a thing for the underdog.:)

Sacrifice and Love

Sacrifice is one of those things that most of us shy away from if we can help it. It even sounds painful.

 

I really didn’t understand self-sacrifice until I was in middle and high school. In the effort to control my seizures, I learned how to control my body. I would get auras right before a seizure and I learned to ward them off as much as possible through meditation when medication was not enough. It didn’t always work but it helped. Later, when my dad was sick with cancer and not long before he died, I quit eating. I had started to become anorexic. I saw myself as fat. Others noticed I was shrinking. My clothes were falling off and I still could not see it. I would not eat. Had I continued down that path I would have been in the hospital in a few more weeks.

 

I learned how to sacrifice or more appropriately—how to withhold “rewards” much like someone withholding love. That’s what happened in my first marriage—love was withheld. And, when love was withheld in my second marriage, I tried to ignore it but felt that I was not deserving of love. That is a dangerous place to be. I further sacrificed so that my children would have what they needed physically and emotionally—another dangerous place to be. I didn’t feel worthy of anything. I pretended my life was good even when I blogged those many years ago.

 

It is hard to unlearn these things. In fact, I don’t think I can. It’s difficult to talk about and to admit my failures. That is the way I would see things. In reality, I am not to blame for everything but I was taught to see things that way—that the only thing I needed to do to succeed was to try harder. Well, things don’t always work out that way, but I wasn’t taught that. In fact, I don’t have a STOP button on me. Moving on.

 

Love. What is love? I know what love is. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like though maybe only briefly. But … it is like a helium balloon that has just been released from a child’s hand and is working its way up into the sky. I am chasing the balloon. As I reach and stretch upward so far, it is just out of my grasp, and it continues to lift up into the atmosphere. That is me and love—romantic love. Sigh. The string can be in my hand but it slips away. What is even worse is when love chases me and I fight it off building a wall to keep it out and it still finds a way over the wall only to break my heart once I decide to give love a chance. Sigh.

 

I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to fall in love again—well, not anytime soon. And, I was doing good—fairly good at it. But, I did fall in love again. It wasn’t easy at first. I had become accustomed to being by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed my time so it was difficult at first learning to share again. I fought against it—I didn’t want to be hurt. I kept saying it was too good to be true. It’s hard to explain but I did fall in love and I fell hard. I believed he loved me just as he said he did. Hmmm…a tear just ran down my right cheek. By now you know for sure this doesn’t have a happy ending.

 

It’s funny. I know what reality is. I know there is no promise of tomorrow. I know that we don’t even have the guarantee of today but I still believe in happiness with a mate—a significant other. I want to believe but … love and me … well, we don’t see eye to eye I guess. Call it fate. I don’t know. Some say I give my heart too freely and others say it isn’t really love. Sigh. So here is the meat of the story.

 

I believe love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am willing to sacrifice a little too easy and that can cause problems. People take advantage of that. Do they mean to? I don’t know. It’s hard to see what the other person is willing to sacrifice unless it is tangible or visible and I don’t want someone to sacrifice for me—to lose something in order to gain me. Why would anyone want me? I would like to think I am worth it, but going back to my earlier days, I still have a problem with that. However, I need to know that he is willing to sacrifice for me because that is true love. I never want to ask that of anyone but to love fully there is the willingness to do whatever. Both are willing to make sacrifices for the other and the other never having to ask because they know. That is the story of true love. Sigh.

 

I really hate having the life story ending like “The Titanic” or “Romeo and Juliet” or the stories of both of my grandmothers. I just want some time to rock on the porch and hold hands as the sun sets—to be there for each other no matter what. That’s my dream so I really fell for him when he said he was the one to sit next to me and hold my hand for the rest of our days. Big sigh. The other part of love and sacrifice is to know how to let go.

Boy, that part hurts.

 

May your days be filled with love and support from a significant other and may you always know that you are truly loved no matter what. Happy Gardening!:)

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